Good morning SLAYER!
Look inward today to love and celebrate yourself, you have the power to change things, don’t give that away to outside things.
New blog goes up Sunday morning.
Until then…SLAY on!
Heal
Outside Fixes For An Inside Job
Oh I tried a lot of things to make myself “feel better,” or worse, if I was in the mindset to torture myself, which would come around often, but I had always felt like there was something missing, a void, or black hole somewhere deep inside that made me different than everyone else, I always felt like something was missing. That, coupled with my need to control all things lead me down some dark roads. I just wanted to feel better, whole, perfect. I tried doing that with food, drink, sugar, shopping, moves to new cities, relationships, work, but nothing I did seemed to fill that hole, I was trying to solve an inside problem with outside things.
We all have our crutches, something we use to make ourselves feel better, or to forget, and sometimes it’s just nice to “get away” from the rumblings in our heads or that feeling of doom, but for me, as those rumblings got louder and the doom seemed overwhelming so did the crutches I was using to “get by,” I had stopped using them as a “crutch” and I was really using them as a way to live, and not actually fixing the problem.
The problem for me was not having an inner peace, not having self-love and acceptance, acceptance of myself and everything around me. It was hard for me to be quiet and just sit with my thoughts. In the past I had found that yoga had helped me and then I had stopped going for many years, never asking myself why. I would go to new studios, pick up the schedule, and never go to a class. It wasn’t until I made a conscious decision to work on myself that I realized why, I was afraid to sit quietly and listen to what my head was telling me. It was like all of my self-hatred, fears, and resentments had a microphone and a venue to scream at me. I had to learn, as I was healing, to sit in the uncomfortableness, to tell those thoughts and voices to shut up because they were lying to me, I had to replace them with positive affirmations, and at the very least, focus on my breath, I often would breath in and out saying to myself, “breath in the good shit, breath out the bad shit” and visual that, visually seeing white light coming in and the black coming out. It took time, and some days were better than others, and those voices can still pop up from time to time, usually if I am in H.A.L.T., Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, more on that later, but I know now to focus on the good and let the lies my head tells me pass, they always do.
For me, also, it was finding a way to ground myself spiritually, which is different for everyone. I found it’s a belief in something greater than myself looking out for me, I’ve had far too many examples in my life of something or someone stepping in when I could not or would not help myself, to not believe in something, even if it’s the universe around us, or a group of people in your life, you alone are not “God” or in control. When I was able to find something that worked for me, and connect with it, I was able to fill that void, and I no longer felt the need to try to fill it with the vices or crutches from my past because I was feeling fulfilled. I also found that giving back filled, and does fill, that void, which was my motivation for starting this blog, you have to give it back to keep it.
Today I make sure I do the things I need to do connect to my spirituality, whether sitting in silence, walking in nature, taking a yoga class, yes I’m back, or reading from books that help me to see things in the right perspective. It’s something that felt strange with at first, but the more I did it, the connected I felt, and do feel. Nothing we grab for on the outside will fix our inside, trust me, I tried. Today I want to be present and aware of my feelings, not hide from them, hiding from them nearly cost me my life, I won’t ever give them that much power over me again.
SLAY OF THE DAY: What does spirituality mean to you? Is it something that makes you uncomfortable? If so, why? If you could create someone or something that is looking over you, what attributes would they have? Why can’t you believe that is or what is looking over you today?
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
You Are Not Alone
There was a time in my life when I felt deeply alone. Not occasionally lonely. Not just on a quiet evening. I mean profoundly alone. I could be surrounded by people, even in a crowded room or a packed stadium, and still feel like I was standing on an island no one else could reach.
At the time, I did not realize I was playing a major role in creating that feeling. I had family who loved me, friends I enjoyed spending time with, and colleagues I looked forward to seeing. On paper, I was anything but alone. But emotionally, I had built walls so thick that connection could not get through.
And those walls were built from fear.
Fear that if people saw the whole me, the imperfect parts, the struggling parts, the uncertain parts, they might not like what they saw. Fear that if I admitted I was not always OK, people might judge me, reject me, or quietly drift away. So I kept smiling. I kept performing. I kept everything that mattered most locked inside.
From the outside, everything looked fine. From the inside, it felt like isolation.
The Illusion of Being Alone
Here is something I learned that changed everything. Feeling alone is not always about who is around you. Often, it is about how much of yourself you allow to be seen.
I could sit with friends, laugh, share stories, and still feel disconnected because I was protecting myself rather than connecting. I was editing my truth in real time. I was maintaining an image rather than building a relationship.
That kind of distance adds up. Over time, it starts to feel like an ocean between you and everyone else. You watch others seem connected and supported while you stand on your own emotional shoreline, wondering why you cannot feel the same.
For me, the turning point came when the effort of hiding became more exhausting than the fear of being seen.
The Moment Everything Shifted
I remember the first time I truly opened up. I was terrified. My hands were shaking. I had never shared what I considered the messy or imperfect parts of my life. I honestly did not know how it would land.
But I also knew something important. Continuing to carry everything alone was not sustainable. Emotionally, mentally, and physically, it was taking a toll.
So I reached out to someone I trusted. I spoke honestly. Not polished. Not perfect. Just real.
And what came back was not judgment. It was understanding. It was compassion. It was love.
That moment cracked something open inside me. It showed me that vulnerability does not push the right people away. It often pulls them closer.
Connection Requires Courage
When I started sharing more openly with others in my life, something remarkable happened. People showed up. They listened. They supported me. They shared their own stories. And suddenly I saw something clearly.
Everyone is carrying something.
Some people hide it better than others. Some people have not yet found safe spaces to share. But the idea that you are the only one struggling is almost always an illusion created by silence.
Connection happens when honesty enters the room.
That does not mean oversharing with everyone. It means choosing safe people and allowing yourself to be known by them.
And yes, sometimes people will step back. That happened to me too. A few relationships changed. But I learned an important lesson. The people who stay when you are real are the people meant to walk alongside you.
Building Your Circle
We are living in a time when connection can happen in more ways than ever before. Geography is less of a barrier. Shared interests bring people together. Communities form around healing, growth, creativity, spirituality, mental health, and personal development.
Your people might already be in your life. Or they might be waiting for you to find them.
The key is willingness.
Willingness to open up. Willingness to risk being seen. Willingness to believe you deserve connection and support.
And if you are part of this State Of Slay community, know this. We are building that circle together. A space where growth, honesty, and support are not just encouraged but celebrated.
There is real strength in community. Individually, we can accomplish incredible things. Together, we become resilient in ways we never imagined.
You Get To Choose Connection
Today, I do not feel alone the way I once did. Not because life is perfect. Not because challenges disappeared. But because I no longer isolate myself emotionally.
I choose connection.
I choose honesty.
I choose to let people in.
And when you do that, you realize something powerful. You were never truly alone. You were just carrying more by yourself than you needed to.
You do not have to do that anymore.
You are not alone.
SLAY Reflection
S — See the Truth
When do you feel most alone? Is it actually about who is around you or what you are holding back?
L — Let Yourself Be Seen
Is there someone safe you could open up to this week? What stops you?
A — Allow Support
How does it feel when someone truly listens to you? Can you let yourself receive that?
Y — Your Next Step
What is one small action you can take today to build connection instead of isolation?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I would love to hear from you.
When have you felt alone, and what helped you reconnect with others?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who might need this reminder, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Forgiveness: First Steps To Freedom
I know what you’re thinking, screw ’em, all those jerks who hurt me, burned me, betrayed me, I know, I have a long list as well, and we’ll get those people, but what I want to talk about today, and what is most important on your journey to SLAYDOM, is finding forgiveness in yourself. Yeah, you! When I finally had the courage to sit down and talk to someone about the circumstances that finally brought me to my knees, I was asked to write down a list of people who had harmed me, finally I thought, let me show you why I’m here, let me know show you all the horrible people and the horrible things that were done to me to get me to this place, and I feverishly wrote that list. What was asked of me when I was done was, did you write your own name on your list?
My own name?! What? Yes my own name, because I had harmed myself the most, and I believed I deserved it, that I didn’t deserve to have good things and good people in my life because I was a bad person, I was weird, I was different, awkward. I was told in order to heal I needed to first forgive myself. That was a blow. How the hell would I do that?
This was a place in my life, my journey, when I romanticized taking my own life, when my self worth was less than zero, and all of the lies and manipulations and shitty things I had done to move through life without you asking me too many questions or letting you get too close, had caught up to me. I thought I was lower than low, the scum of the earth. I physically could not look at myself in the mirror and say “I love you,” it’s not that I wouldn’t, I could not, trust me, I tried, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror, I brushed my teeth looking down into the sink. So, to now be asked to find it in myself to forgive myself, I thought it was impossible. Thankfully it was not.
No matter what we’ve done, or think we’ve done, it can be forgiven. What I learned is, I had to allow room for myself to be human, to be flawed, to learn, I couldn’t expect myself to know things I was never taught, and that I could now make a commitment to learn, to be the person I wanted to be, to hit the reset button and start again. But hitting reset didn’t mean forgetting the past, it meant taking full responsibility for it and learning to do it better. When I was able to look at myself from that perspective I was able to start forgiving myself. It goes back to those tools in our toolbox, if we don’t have the tools we need, we use the ones we have, so we can’t fault ourselves for not using tools that aren’t there. Our job now is to find and use those new tools so we can do it better, and that takes time, and patience, a blog for another day. But if we’re able to acknowledge the places where we’re lacking the tools to do it right, we can start forgiving ourselves for doing it wrong, and forgiveness is the first step to freedom. It may seem really scary, and it is, but that’s exactly where we want to be, because where it feels safe got us here, it’s time to do things differently.
We are always hardest on ourselves, but what if we stopped that, and started to love and nurture ourselves? Acknowledge our flaws and work to fix them, or find a better way, to maybe do the opposite of what our nature tells us to do because it’s what we’ve always done, or what those around us have done. Who do we want to be in the world, our communities, our families and relationships? We can be those people, we just have to work on it, and, start by forgiving ourselves for those things we think are unforgivable.
SLAY OF THE DAY: What’s stopping you for forgiving yourself? What do you think makes you unforgivable? What do you think you can do to start to forgive yourself so you can move forward from here? Building on the blog before, write a fresh gratitude list with five things you LOVE about yourself. Read it out loud before bed and in the morning when you get up. Don’t forget to smile SLAYER.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Slayer Say
New blog will go up Friday morning, until then SLAYERS….SLAY on!
Welcome to State of Slay!
