emotional maturity

Before You Argue, Ask Yourself: Is This Worth My Energy?

We’ve all been there. Someone says something that grates on us—maybe it’s dismissive, maybe it’s condescending, maybe it’s flat-out wrong. Our instinct is to jump in, argue, explain, and prove our point. But here’s the question that changes everything:

Is this person even mentally mature enough to grasp the concept of a different perspective?

Because if the answer is no, then your energy is too valuable to waste.

The Illusion of Winning Arguments

When I was younger, I thought “winning” an argument meant I had more power. I thought if I could just explain it better, the other person would finally get it, nod their head, and say: “Wow, you’re right.”

But it rarely worked out that way. Instead, the harder I pushed, the harder they dug in. Logic didn’t matter. Evidence didn’t matter. My passion and sincerity didn’t matter.

What I eventually realized is this: you can’t force someone to see what they’re not ready—or willing—to see.

And that’s not a reflection of your intelligence, compassion, or truth. That’s a reflection of their capacity.

Maturity Meets Perspective

Not everyone has the tools, the emotional maturity, or even the desire to understand perspectives outside their own. Some people are locked in fear. Some cling to control. Some confuse listening with weakness.

If you’re standing in your truth, speaking from love and alignment, but the other person is stuck in a loop of defensiveness, superiority, or chaos—you will never meet in the middle.

It’s like trying to explain color to someone who insists the world is only black and white. You’re not going to paint them into understanding.

Why We Still Try

So why do we still argue?

For me, it often came from a need to be seen. I wanted validation. I wanted acknowledgment. I wanted someone to finally say: “I understand you.”

But here’s the hard truth: arguing with someone who is unwilling or unable to meet you where you are doesn’t get you understanding—it gets you exhaustion.

When you argue with someone who isn’t open, you’re not exchanging ideas. You’re fighting for airtime in a room where the mic is already turned off.

Energy Economics: Protecting Your Investment

Think of your energy like currency. Every interaction is an investment. And not everyone can afford it.

When you spend your emotional energy trying to convince someone who has already decided not to hear you, you’re making a bad investment. You’re pouring into a void.

Instead, what if you chose to save that energy? What if you redirected it toward people and spaces where curiosity exists, where growth is possible, and where your perspective matters?

That’s when the return on your investment multiplies.

It’s Not About Being Right—It’s About Being Wise

There’s a subtle but powerful difference between wanting to be right and choosing to be wise.

  • Being right demands a fight.
  • Being wise recognizes when silence speaks louder.

You don’t need to prove your worth through debate. Your worth is not determined by someone else’s ability—or inability—to understand you.

Sometimes the most powerful move you can make is to walk away, not because you’ve lost, but because you’ve risen above.

What Walking Away Really Means

Walking away doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It doesn’t mean you don’t care.

It means you’ve chosen peace over chaos. It means you’ve recognized the limits of the conversation and your own boundaries. It means you know your energy is precious, and you’re no longer willing to spend it recklessly.

Walking away is not defeat—it’s discipline.

The Freedom in Letting Go

Here’s what happens when you stop arguing with people who aren’t ready to hear you:

  • Your nervous system calms down.
  • Your energy goes back into your own growth.
  • You stop rehearsing conversations that will never resolve.
  • You discover new connections with people who can meet you where you are.

And maybe most importantly: you remember that your peace is not up for negotiation.

Practical Steps: Before You Argue, Ask Yourself…

Next time you feel that urge to argue rising up, pause and ask:

  1. Is this person capable of seeing another perspective—or are they locked into proving their own?
  2. What is my goal here? To be understood? To change them? To feel heard?
  3. Will this conversation bring me peace—or drain me?
  4. If I walk away, what am I protecting? My truth? My peace? My energy?
  5. If I stay, what am I risking?

This quick gut-check can save you hours of stress and prevent you from spending energy you’ll regret.

Final Thought: Choose Peace Over Proving

At the end of the day, the people who are meant to walk beside you will want to hear your perspective. They’ll be curious. They’ll ask questions. They’ll listen, even if they don’t agree.

Those who aren’t capable of that? They’ll show you by their resistance, their defensiveness, their refusal to even try.

And in that moment, you have a choice. You can argue and deplete yourself. Or you can walk away, preserve your peace, and let your life—not your words—be the proof.

Because the truth is, peace doesn’t need a microphone. It just needs space.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Who in your life drains your energy by refusing to hear your perspective?
  2. What situations tempt you into arguments that never go anywhere?
  3. How does it feel in your body when you argue with someone who refuses to listen?
  4. How might your life change if you saved that energy for people who can understand you?
  5. What would it look like to choose peace over proving this week?

S – Stop wasting energy on those who won’t listen
L – Let your peace matter more than your pride
A – Ask yourself if the conversation is worth the investment
Y – Yield your energy toward those who value it

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When was the last time you chose peace over proving yourself—and what shifted for you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s exhausted from fighting battles that can’t be won, send this to them.
Sometimes, the most powerful reminder is: you don’t have to argue to be free.

You Can’t Speak Butterfly Language to Caterpillar People

There comes a moment in growth—real, soul-deep growth—where you start to see things differently. You think differently. Feel differently. You’ve been through the fire, and now you move lighter, clearer, freer. But what happens when the people around you haven’t caught up?

What happens when they’re still speaking caterpillar, and you’ve turned into a butterfly?

It’s one of the hardest parts of healing. You want to be understood, to be supported, to be met with the same energy you now bring to the table. But not everyone will get it. Not everyone is meant to. Some people are still living in the version of you that fit them. And that version? The one who shrunk, people-pleased, kept the peace, and didn’t make waves? That’s who they miss.

But you don’t owe anyone a version of yourself that you’ve outgrown.

Don’t Waste Your Wings Explaining Yourself to Those Who Refuse to Fly

The more you evolve, the less you’ll feel the need to explain yourself. That’s not arrogance—it’s alignment.

You’re not obligated to shrink your truth to make someone else comfortable. You’re not here to convince them of your growth, your healing, or your worth. If someone is committed to misunderstanding you, no amount of butterfly talk will make them listen.

They don’t speak your language. They haven’t earned the right to interpret your transformation.

So instead of wasting your energy justifying your boundaries, your peace, your purpose—protect that energy. You’ve worked too hard to unlearn survival mode only to get pulled back into it trying to prove you’ve changed.

Let your life speak for itself. Let your peace do the talking.

You’re Not Better—You’re Just Becoming

Growth doesn’t make you superior. It makes you aware. And with awareness comes choice.

You don’t have to cut people off with cruelty. But you also don’t have to carry the weight of relationships that ask you to deny your truth. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you can grow beside them.

Some people will stay rooted in fear, gossip, chaos, control. They’ll look at your wings and call them dramatic. Call them selfish. Call them fake. That’s okay.

Let them.

You don’t need their permission to evolve. Your transformation isn’t up for debate.

Fly Anyway

If you’ve been dimming your shine to stay digestible—stop.

If you’ve been translating your truth into someone else’s comfort—stop.

If you’ve been waiting for them to catch up—you don’t have to anymore.

Butterflies don’t explain how they became butterflies. They just fly.

You’re allowed to protect your peace without guilt. You’re allowed to walk away from dynamics that drain you. You’re allowed to outgrow places, people, and patterns that no longer serve you—even if they once did.

That’s not disloyal. That’s evolution.

So the next time someone tries to pull you back into the old version of yourself, remember: you’re not who you used to be. And that’s a good thing.

You’re speaking butterfly now. Not everyone is meant to understand.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Who in your life still expects you to be the person you’ve outgrown?
  2. What version of yourself are you most proud of leaving behind?
  3. Do you feel the need to explain your healing journey to others?
  4. How does it feel when someone doesn’t “get” your growth?
  5. What’s one way you can protect your peace this week—without apology?

S – Speak your truth without over-explaining
L – Let go of needing approval for your evolution
A – Align with people who see and support the real you
Y – Yield to your transformation, even if it’s misunderstood

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Who have you had to stop explaining yourself to—and how did it free you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s trying to fly while others are pulling them down, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

A Permanent Solution To A Temporary Problem

When I was living in the dark, I believed every problem was forever.
Each issue felt massive, heavy, and permanent.
I didn’t think in steps—I thought in panic.
And when I finally acted, it was usually out of desperation instead of intention.

I didn’t face things as they came.
I waited.
I hoped things would magically resolve themselves.
And when they didn’t, I reacted impulsively.
The result?
I made permanent decisions for temporary problems.

Back then, I only had two tools in my emotional toolkit: fight or flight.
And neither got me where I wanted to go.

Living in Avoidance Creates Bigger Problems

I often felt overwhelmed just by life itself.
So when a real issue came up, it was too much.
I ignored it.
I pushed it aside.
And when it inevitably resurfaced—louder, heavier, messier—I made whatever decision would make it go away the fastest.

But the quickest choice isn’t always the right one.
And those choices came at a cost.

Doors closed.
Friendships ended.
I isolated myself even more.

It wasn’t because I was heartless or careless.
It was because I was exhausted, reactive, and afraid.
And I didn’t trust that I could handle hard things in a healthy way.

What Recovery Taught Me About Decisions

When I began my journey in recovery, one of the first things I heard was:
“Live life on life’s terms.”

That didn’t sound like fun.
But neither was the anxiety of constantly avoiding things, or the shame of regret from acting out of fear.

So I tried something new.

I started addressing things as they came up.
I got honest about what was happening.
I asked for help when I needed it.
And I made the best decision I could with the information I had.

Then—I let it go.

Even typing that?
It still feels like a deep exhale.

The Power of Responding, Not Reacting

Here’s what I learned:
When you meet problems in the moment, you keep them in their right size.

You don’t allow them to grow into something overwhelming.
You don’t back yourself into a corner.
You don’t hit the panic button and take drastic action that you’ll later wish you hadn’t.

You give yourself the chance to choose a solution, not a reaction.

Because the truth is, a lot of the things we avoid aren’t actually that big.
They only feel big because we’ve been sitting in fear, feeding them with delay.

But when you face a problem early and with intention, you take back your power.
You act instead of react.
And you protect your peace in the process.

You Deserve Better Than Regret

These days, it’s easy to feel like everything is too much.
But avoidance won’t make it easier.
And quick-fix decisions rarely leave us proud of how we showed up.

You don’t need to solve everything perfectly.
You just need to do the next right thing.
Address what needs your attention, make the best decision you can, and then—let it go.

Honor yourself enough to stop running from the things that need your care.
You are capable.
And you deserve peace, not permanent regret from a temporary storm.

SLAY Reflection: Are You Choosing Peace or Panic?

  1. Do you tend to ignore problems until they become bigger than they need to be?
    How has that affected your life?
  2. What emotions drive your decision-making—clarity or anxiety?
    What patterns do you notice?
  3. Have you ever made a permanent choice in a moment of panic?
    What did you learn from that experience?
  4. What would it feel like to address issues with intention instead of urgency?
    How could that shift your daily peace?
  5. What’s one problem you’ve been avoiding that you can face today—with care, calm, and clarity?
    What’s the next small step?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one moment where you learned the value of pausing instead of panicking—and how did it shape your choices going forward?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s caught in reactive patterns, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.