compassion

Sometimes Something Negative Gives Us Exactly What We Want

I was recently on a trip, and during the process of checking in online something got messed up, perhaps it had something to do with us trying to do it on a phone in the sun poolside, but online checking wouldn’t let us check-in properly or give us boarding passes, it said we had to go to the counter in the airport. As we were trying to squeeze in the most out of our vacation we were frustrated as we were hoping to just breeze right through to security and not have to account for time waiting in line at the counter to sort out why we weren’t able to check-in properly. We let it get the best of us for a few moments, but the next day we left earlier than we wanted to just to be safe. In the end the whole process didn’t take that long and because my boyfriend was selected for an additional security check in the Jetway prior to our flight, a seemingly negative once again, he was able to board the plane earlier and he was able to get us the exact seats we were hoping to get so we were able to sit together for a trip home. So, a negative turned into a positive. Now, in the big scheme of things seats on an airplane is quite trivial, but it reminded me of how we categorize events in our lives as positive and negative, when, we don’t know how those events will play out in our lives, or the reason they’ve come up. You see, we don’t know what the outcome of any set of events will be. We can set out to have a positive attitude about them, we can do the footwork and set things up to give us the best possible outcome, but in the end, we have no control over how things actually unfold. What we do have control over is how we act and react to what’s going on around us.

In the instance with checking in for our flight, even though we were initially frustrated, we gave ourselves plenty of time to go through the process, and we went to the airport with a positive attitude and mindset. All things we can control. In the end it worked to our advantage, but even if it hadn’t there’s a lesson in that too, one of going with the flow and trusting that life is taking you where you need to be, and that maybe those things we think or feel or so important, aren’t really that important at all, they’re just nice to have, but not necessities for our well-being. Many times we can place importance on things that aren’t really that important, we give them much more value than they deserve, or we tell ourselves things have to be a certain way, but they don’t, not always, maybe not ever, sometimes when things don’t go our way we get the chance to experience something new, or see something from a different angle, and what we learn is that perhaps the way we’ve always “needed” things to be, or wanted them to be, wasn’t the best way after all, and we never would have known that if we always got our way and things always went exactly the way we wanted them to.

It’s a matter of perspective as well. When something seemingly negative happens, it’s our choice to have an open mind about it and be open to new possibilities. It’s also falls into a place of trust or having faith that you are being guided to exactly where you are supposed to be, or need to be. I find when I look at things from that perspective I am better able to let things go of the way I think they should be. Be open to new things, new ideas, new experiences, new ways of doing things. Let go and trust the path you’re on. When things don’t go your way, use that as an opportunity to change your attitude towards it, look at it as a possibility of something new and exciting, something different that you’re getting a chance to experience, and you just might find that the things you fought so hard to have a certain way weren’t the best way after all.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you find that if something doesn’t go your way, or if it’s not exactly the way you want it, that you have a negative attitude around it? Do you then let that sabotage your day and effect those around you? Do you see that you have a choice in how you let seemingly negative things effect you? Do you see that being open to new things can possibly show you a better way, or make your world bigger? List 5 examples of times that something negative happened and something positive came out of it as a result. List 5 examples where you could have changed your attitude about something you labeled as negative. How could a positive attitude have changed the outcome of those examples. In the end SLAYER, we only know what’s in front of us, or where we’ve been, we don’t have the whole picture, so when we’re only willing to see and do things our way, we may be missing out on a place we’re supposed to be, a place with new opportunities, new people, and new ideas, be open the next time something negative happens, look for the good that can come from that, even if it’s just the act of being open, I guarantee your life will get bigger and brighter if you do. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Maybe the journey isn’t about becoming anything, but unbecoming everything that isn’t really to so you can become who you were meant to be in the first place. Only you know the real you, no one else can tell you who you are.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Journey

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Let go of the results and trust the journey, the journey itself is the point, and when we stay out of the way we often find that what we are seeking may be within reach, or, that the path to it lies ahead.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Stormy

The Journey Is The Point

I am boarding a plane today to go home after a vacation and as I got up I thought to myself, ugh, wish I could just blink my eyes and just be home. The thought of getting to the airport, checking in, getting on the plane, sitting on the plane, getting home from the airport, just seems daunting, even though I’ve done it hundreds and hundreds of times, I just want to get to the end. It made me think about life and how many times we don’t want to go through the process, we just want to get to the finish line, but whole point to all of this is the journey itself, even more so than the actual goal. The journey is where we need stamina, it’s where we learn, grow, it challenges us, it may defeat us temporarily, but it’s about getting back up and continuing on, battling on, to get to where we want to go, it’s all in the journey.

When I think back to where I’ve come from, literally knees on the floor, lost, lower than low, beaten at my own game, all I wanted at the moment was to get better, I don’t even know if I knew what that meant, I just wanted to stop hating myself, lying to myself, and those around me, and I knew I didn’t want to die, so I set foot on a new journey, one of hope, love, and empowerment, my step was shaky and very unsure, but I kept stepping, moving forward, and with the help of many I kept stepping, and today I continue to step, you see, I realize, almost 12 years on this path, that it’s the journey that is most important, that it’s all about the journey, and I now look at it as a positive experience, not just a bunch of things I need to do or experience to get better. The journey has taught me how to be a better person, how to be loving to myself, how to trust people, how to put my ego aside and do what’s right, and how to trust that no matter where I am on the path, that’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. If we sprint to the finish line we miss all the good stuff along the way, we may still get there, but we’ve cheated ourselves out of all the juicy stuff along the way, the stuff that ultimately makes us us.

In a society of quick fixes, of short-cuts, apps, virtual assistants, we forget sometimes that life, the good stuff anyway, comes with some old-fashioned work, some roll-up-your-sleeves, get in the dirt, hard, sometimes dirty, work, and that it’s in the work that we become who we are meant to be, who we can be, who we can be proud of. I always say, life is not a game show, we don’t get extra points for speed, so why not slow down, enjoy the process, and trust that you are being guided to what’s next, when you are meant to be there, and until then look around a bit, see what there is to see, do the work you see in front of you, and let yourself be open to new doors that may open, new paths, new journeys that await you. Don’t get so focused on that one thing you’re after, you’re chasing, that might only be the carrot that is meant to lead you to someplace else you don’t even know about yet, so let yourself explore and be open to new ideas. And, don’t be afraid of the work. Trust the work, dive in to the work, learn to look at it as a good thing, something positive, because with it comes change.

We as SLAYERS don’t run away from the work, we dive in, taking breaks if we need to, but getting back to it to SLAY on. Look at the journey as part of the good stuff, when we give ourselves to the journey, the journey always gives back to us. I’ll try to remember that while standing in line at the airport this afternoon. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to want to rush to the end without doing the work? Do you procrastinate in doing the work because you look at it as a negative, something you don’t want to do, putting it off? Why do you think you have a negative view of the work? When you’ve worked toward a goal or for something in the past can you see how the work gave you something back? What did it give you? Do you often only see the one way or goal you have in mind and possibly miss other opportunities that may be in front of you? What stops you from trying new things? What if you did try new things? What if you started to look at the journey as something exciting? Something positive. Something that will make reaching that goal even sweeter. I challenge you to do that SLAYER, next time you have to roll up your sleeves and get to work, look for ways to make it fun, to make someone else’s day, to give yourself an opportunity to learn and grow from it, to find a way to SLAY THE DAY.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t take things personally. Rarely do people do things because of you, they do them because of them.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Personal

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The real magic happens when you understand your true self-worth and share that with the world.

New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Real

Are You Living Your True Life? Or The Narrative You Want To Tell?

When we’re living our true life we are living in the moment, we are open to new things, open to change, maybe even welcome it, but we are living life on life’s terms, we’re not forcing things to look and sound the way we want them to. We’re also not only focusing on a small part of our story, the story we want to tell, whether good, or bad, we live it all. Our lives have many different facets to them, many different angles and alley ways, many different colors, patterns, and many different moods, emotions, and feelings. Our lives are not just one thing, and if we’re living our life just for one thing we are not living our true life as our true selves. We can sometimes get caught up in wanting to show the world a certain story of who we are and what we can offer, but we can get so caught up in wanting to show something specific that we neglect other parts of our life. We may also, to get a certain reaction from others, exaggerate, or downplay, certain aspects of our lives to get sympathy or to gain praise, but when we do this we short change ourselves, and those people in our lives, because we’re not painting a complete picture and sharing our true selves. So, how do we know if we’re not living an authentic life?

1) When you’re sharing with others you feel like you’re lying to them, or, not telling them the whole truth. When we’re telling people a story rather than the whole truth we know it in our gut, and ultimately they know it too, people can sense when we’re not being authentic with them, even though we may be able to fool them some of the time, our omissions usually catch up to us, and we know we’re not being authentic to ourselves.

2) You feel stuck. You feel like you’re spinning your wheels, like you’re stagnant, not getting anywhere. You may be right! If you’re not living authentically only focusing on what you want to you might be missing key elements and signs that are in front of you that will take you to where you ultimately want to go, but when you’re only looking at the facts that back up the story you want to tell you’re not open to seeing the possibility of change, of growth, and of new doors and roads that are open to you if you’re willing to take them.

3) You feel off. Things aren’t clicking, not going your way, you can’t find your groove. The challenges, headaches and aggravations may be telling you that there is something greater inside of you that you’re not tapping into, and because you’re not living up to your own potential nothing seems to be clicking in your life, your health may even be declining, all because you are ignoring your true self and the true path you are meant to be on. When you’ve lost your rhythm, that’s a time to look at how you’re living your life, there may be a reason why things aren’t going “right” or your way, and that reason maybe be you.

4) You feel like you’re being punished. You feel cheated or robbed by life, you never see yourself as a winner and feel like everyone else is getting all the breaks and nothing ever works out for you. At the end of the day, there is no escape from the hardships of life, we all have them, but when you’re not living as your authentic self they seem to hit harder because deep down, you know, you’re not being true to who you are and trying to manipulate your story, so when things don’t work out, you might feel like you’ve been hit harder because you know you haven’t been true to you and you feel the universe is punishing you, or you’ve been on the pity train and crying “poor me” and think the universe added an extra dash of sorrow. Either way, you’re not being punished at all, at least not by the universe, you are the only one punishing yourself by not being true to yourself.

I’ve said this many times before, and I’ll keep saying it, because it’s true, you are enough. You are. You, right now, are enough. You are special. You are unique. You are talented in your own way. So, why would you want to be anyone else? We get in our own way, our own heads thinking that we should be something we’re not, or that someone else’s life is better, or we want to manipulate the facts to get a specific reaction from someone, but nothing is worth throwing away who we truly are, not for anything in the world. We always know when we’re not telling our whole truth, and if we know, so do others, and, the universe certainly knows, so isn’t it just easier to be you, all of you, and share that story instead of the one you would rather tell?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you share your true self with others or do you narrate a story you want to tell others? If you don’t share your true self, why do you think you do that? What’s stopping you from sharing your true self? What are you afraid of? What are you trying to accomplish? How do you think it hurts you? Why don’t you make a pact with yourself to not edit yourself or your life, to be you, in every facet and every way that you are you, just be you and be honest about your life and who you are. See if that changes the way you think about yourself and how you think the universe is treating you. Also, see how it changes, or strengthens, the relationships you have in your life. SLAY on.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER!  The universe is inside of us all, it’s up to us to find it’s rhythm and dance.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Success

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Do the footwork, let go of the results and trust the universe.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Universe

The Universe Is On Your Side

Oh I can hear you cynics, I hear your big sighs or “not me’s” and I used to be you, I was, big time, I always thought the universe had it out for me, that is was plotting against me, wanting me to fail, and relishing in it when I did. I looked for the bad and the bad typically came, when the good did come I didn’t think I deserved it, or thought it was a trick, so I couldn’t ever really enjoy it. When I started out on this path of healing, self-love, and empowerment a good friend of mine, someone who walks this same journey, and who I trusted very much, said to me, live life as if it’s rigged in your favor. I laughed! “Yeah right” I said, “nothing is rigged in my favor.” He told me to act “as if” it was, and he gave me a set of cherry red dice that I still have today. When I’m having a day of doubt that the universe is indeed on my side, I’ll take those dice out and look at them, they remind me to expect the good, to do the footwork, and trust that the universe has my back and is leading me to the people, places and things I need to move forward or to where I am supposed to be. I have to remind myself that where I think I should be and where the universe knows I should be may be two different places, but I just need to let my intentions be known, do what I can, and leave the rest to a power great than myself to do the rest. When I do that, and stay out of the way, not trying to manipulate or force the outcome I want, great things happen, one of those great things that path lead me to writing this blog, something I would have never have thought to set as a goal myself on my own. Amazing things happen when we get out of our own way. So, how do we start trusting, or even collaborating, with universe?

1) Keep and open heart and open mind. We can only see but a small part of the whole picture. We are only privy to our own lives and what’s in front of us, we have no idea how our actions contribute to the bigger picture and how they can affect others around us. It’s about finding trust, or faith, that we are all exactly where we are supposed to be, even when that’s a good place, we’re meant to be there for a reason, perhaps there is something to learn there, there likely is, we typically learn a lot through pain, and it’s usually a big motivator for change, change we wouldn’t seek out or agree to if our circumstances were great, so trust you are there for a reason and look to find the lesson in it, or what’s it’s trying to tell you. Also, things don’t have to look and sound a certain way to be deemed “good,” keep an open heart and open mind. There are infinite possibilities out there, and our experiences are small compared to what exists, let yourself explore and be open to new things, or things looking a different way.

2) Be Creative. So in keeping an open heart and mind, we are able to try new things, to be creative and explore. When we do this our world, our mind, our circle gets bigger causing us to find new paths, new ideas, and new dreams. Challenge yourself to do one thing differently each day and see if that doesn’t open up your world. Keep yourself engaged in life and don’t limit yourself to the way you’ve always done it, or the way your parents did, find our own way, your right way, be creative and what’s best for you. And, don’t be afraid to change even that. If we are continuously challenging ourselves, growing, learning, loving ourselves, we are continuously changing and growing, so even if something did work for us yesterday, things may have changed today, shifted, so keep yourself open to being fluid with your life and keep finding new ways to be creative.

3) Ask For Help. Never be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I’ve talked about this before. There is no shame in asking for help, in fact, you may also be helping the other person you’re asking, and, you may just find a new perspective or way through a problem by having someone else join you for the journey, you may even make a new friend, or strengthen a friendship you already have. We all need help some times, everyone, and you’re no different, if you need help, ask for it, the person you ask may just be a part of the universes plan to get you to where you need to be.

4) Don’t Let Challenge Stop You. I know, sometimes we get tired, and the thought of a new challenge makes us want to hide under our blankets, but let the challenge energize you. You’ve been through many challenges before and have made it through, so what’s a few more challenges? Challenges keep us sharp, they make us stronger, and, they can also open our eyes to new solutions and new opportunities. A challenge is all a matter of perspective, so look it right in the eye and say “game on,” and head right in without hesitation.

Allow yourself to believe the universe is on your side, at least be willing to believe, willingness opens the door, but when you believe that you have something pulling for you, cheering for you, and wanting good for you, you tend to find the good. It’s really an easy concept, when we look for good things, we find good things. It’s up to us. And what’s the alternative? Sitting in the darkness wallowing in our anger, hurt and pain? Been there, done that. I’ll stick to the good any day, even if it’s hard to muster on a dark day, the good always wins over the dark. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you believe the universe has your back? If yes, why? If no, why? Make a list of times you feel the universe had your back. Make a list of times you felt the universe didn’t have your back. Within those two circumstances, what did you do differently. Do you think that had anything to do with changing the outcome, or your perspective of it? I challenge you SLAYER, to look for the good this week, to act “as if” you believe the universe has your back and see how that changes your outlook and goals. At the end of the week write down how you feel and see if that has changed from today.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you