angry

Hear Your Own Complaints

I know for myself that no matter how bad I might complain about something, or feel that something is, it never warrants me going to back to the way I lived my life before. As I always remind myself, my worst days today are still better than my best days back then, but my mind can try to convince me when I’m angry, lonely or tired, that how I’m feeling in that moment will not change, I’m grateful to know that it will. Life ebbs and it flows, nothing lasts forever, things always passes, and I know, from talking to those who have slid back to their old way of life, that there is nothing good waiting for me there, and likely what is waiting is worse than where I left it, and it was really bad. I need to put things into perspective and use the experience I’ve had on this path to remind myself to stay right where I am and not go back, and  any thoughts of going back are my illness trying to lure me back to where I came from, they’re not truths. No burdens, disappointments, blows to my pride or ego, or loss is worth going back to my old way of life. And if I harbor those thoughts and not let them go I’m at risk of sliding back, so I know I have to learn to live life as it comes, to not get stuck in negative thinking and to let go of anything that could potentially pull me back, recognizing that my complaining could be the gateway to the way I used to be.

It is up to us to keep ourselves in check, to stay positive, live in the light, and to stay in gratitude, no matter what is going on. Ultimately, even when we’re going through things that challenge us, we still have many things to be grateful for, so when I find myself in one of those places I know I need to double-down on my gratitude and focus on the positive, from that place I know I won’t slide back, and from that place I can keep track of what’s really important in my life and not what my head tells me is. I also have to be aware of the patterns of my thinking, what triggers those negative thoughts and sets me off in the wrong direction, and listen for those same complaints, and that tone I’ve heard before, always remembering that as I’ve gotten better, my illness or disease has been learning what I have, so it’s using that information and trying to find the work-around while I’m working to stay well and continue to grow.

It’s important to listen to ourselves and our own complaints. To recognize the ones we’ve heard before, or even the tone of our complaining to identify what may be setting us off in that direction. We are typically so quick to judge others when they complain but we don’t call ourselves out in the same way and pin-point the true source of the problem, which may be, that there is no problem, sometimes we make problems when there aren’t any because we’re more used to having them than not, and it’s uncomfortable to live without them, but we must learn. We always need to be rigorously honest with ourselves, about ourselves, to make sure we stay on the path that allows us to be our best selves. When we listen, we learn, and when we have knowledge, we are can do anything. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you listen or take notice when you complain? When you find yourself in that place, where does it lead you? Does your mind take you back to a darker time? How can you prevent yourself from going there? What are the warning signs that you’re headed there? How can you keep yourself in the light and in a place of gratitude? Finding the gratitude in your life will keep you in the light, even when you may be going through a dark time, it’s that gratitude that will keep the light burning in your life and light your way back to your path.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Self-Forgiveness

That title made a few of you bristle I know. I remember when I was asked to make a list of people who I felt had harmed me, I feverishly started writing down my naughty list, finding satisfaction in naming all the people I felt had wronged me and made my life difficult. It was pointed out to me that my own name should have been on the top of that list. That made me pause. And, at first, a little angry, because I thought, no, this is my chance to point fingers and name all of the people who hurt me, but it was right to suggest I put myself on top of that list, because I had hurt myself the most.

When I looked back to all of those situations and people I had put on that list, the common denominator in of them is that I was also there, I had participated, allowed myself to be in those relationships, or situations that harmed me. Now as much as that was a hard pill to swallow, once I was able to take responsibility for my part, and in most instances I did have one, I was able to take my power back by choosing to make better choices today.

We can’t fault ourselves for not knowing things we never learned, well, I guess we can, I used to, but we shouldn’t. Punishing ourselves for our past mistakes is pointless, we can’t change the past, nor we are the same people who may have made those mistakes, in fact, if we’re on a path of self-love and self-discovery we are very likely not those people that we once were, so why are we beating ourselves up for being someone we aren’t anymore? Life is a journey, and we may travel the same road, but we each travel at our own pace depending on what we are able to handle, depending on what our personal experiences are, and depending on what life throws at us, we are doing the best we can with what we have. Recognizing that we did the best we can in our past, or that maybe we just weren’t able to do our best at that time, is the beginning of self-forgiveness.

I found that finding forgiveness for myself happened in different stages. But as I began to forgive others and they found forgiveness in me it became easier to find some of my own. As I grew on my journey and was able to put more and more tools in my toolbox, I realized how few tools I had had up until that point, that also helped me with finding forgiveness, I couldn’t fault myself for not using what I didn’t have. And, truthfully, beating myself up over and over for my past only holds me back there, it doesn’t let me cut the strings and move forward, so for those of you struggling cut those strings and allow yourself to move forward and prove to yourself that today you are capable of making better choices, choices that are loving towards yourself, choices that honor who you are and the life you’ve built, or are building, and choices that, even if they prove to not be the right choices, are choices you can own and learn from so that you can make a better choice next time, without carrying a resentment for yourself and how you handled the situation. Set yourself free, look back only to learn as you continue on your road to who you are destined to be. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hold a grudge against yourself for decisions you’ve made in your past? Why are you not able to move past those decisions and choices? Did you have all the knowledge, information and tools you do today back then? So why do you expect yourself to have known better? Did you know better but made a decision that wasn’t in your best interest anyway? Why did you do that? Where looking to harm yourself? Why were you looking to do that? Are you still looking for ways to harm yourself today? If yes, why? If not, and you did make decisions to harm yourself in the past and have stopped doing that today, then that is already a victory, you’ve already let go of the way you used to live, so why not let go of any guilt or resentments you may have been harboring and focus on loving yourself as you move forward from here.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

When Someone Inserts Their Sickness Into Your Life

We’ve all been there. Minding our business. Doing the best we can. Just trying to get by. When BAM, someone sucker punches us with something totally out of left field. Accusing us of things that aren’t true, or based in facts, claiming falsehoods, pointing fingers at us. I used to get angry. Vehemently defend myself. Engage with that person. Now I see it for what it is. Someone else’s sickness, or disease, seeping into my life. It doesn’t make it right, but it doesn’t mean I need to get sucked in to their drama and issues.

Most of the time when someone lashes out at us, accuses us of things that aren’t true, or bends the truth, it’s a sign that they are in distress. They are struggling with their own battle and instead of recognizing or looking at what may be causing their behavior, they look for a scapegoat to aim their frustrations on. They may not even know they’re doing it. But, when any of us has a problem, if we’re irritated, angry, jealous, fixated on someone else instead of looking within, that is our problem, and solely our problem to fix, unless someone has acted out toward us, it’s up to us to find out what the root of the issues are that we’re trying to mask by making it someone else’s problem.

I used to engage in this behavior a lot. Because back, before I was on this path, I always made myself the victim. In my eyes, everyone else had it easier than I did, and everyone was against me. And I was spiteful, oh yeah I was. If I felt you had wronged me I certainly didn’t want to see good things happening for you, and I spent a lot of energy finding out if they were, and then figuring out how to diminish your good fortune.

I don’t live like that today. Gratefully so. I am genuinely happy when good things happen for other people, even the people who may have wronged me. Because what I am responsible is my side of the street. And if I am doing what I can, to the best of my ability in each given moment, then I should be OK, regardless of what anyone else thinks I should be doing. No one else has a right to tell me I’m doing me wrong, because no one else knows me as well as me. Now, I certainly have people in my life who, when I’m not acting like I typically do, will call me out on my behavior, and I welcome that, I do the same for those I love and care about, we keep each other in check, but ultimately, no one else walks in my shoes each day, so no one can really know what it’s like to be me.

When someone inserts their sickness into my life it can be shocking, it typically seems to come out of nowhere. Because, for the most part, that other person has been sitting with their pain for long enough that it finally has to come out, and then there it is, right in your face. But it’s not my job to fix them. It is my job to share my truth, my side of things, and if the situation is right, perhaps suggest a conversation about it if one can be had in a respectful and productive way, otherwise, I will excuse myself from the situation entirely because I know it’s a situation I cannot win, it’s not set up to be played fair, it’s only meant to tear me down.

I understand, coming from a place where I practiced this behavior often, but today I live my life in the light, I am always open to have someone join me there, but will not step back into the darkness of my past and let my old behaviors take control and pull me down in the dark. I’ve worked far too hard to allow myself to do that. When someone inserts their sickness into your life, let it go. Make clear your side, make clear your intentions, but don’t engage with a fighter who has rigged the game in their favor. You have nothing to prove. You have nothing to gain. You only need to be you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: If someone comes at you with accusations do you immediately come out fighting? Why do you feel you need to do that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? What if you didn’t? What if you took a breath and thought about what might really be going on? Why the other person has chosen to come after you? And what their pattern of behavior has been with you up until this point? What their pattern of behavior has been with others up until this point. Start to paint a bigger picture than that moment. Once we take our ego out of it, and not take it personally, often we are able to see what is really going on, and typically what is really going on, has nothing to do with us. Stay on your side of the street, and keep it clean.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you