triggers

Immobilized By Sadness

I used to let my sadness immobilize me. I’d let it wash over me and take me out to sea, where I’d just float in my sadness until one day I’d wash up on shore again. I was out to sea with my sadness much more than I was on shore before walking this path. I’d let my anger do the same, let it take over, feeling paralyzed. It’s awful being in that place, feeling hopeless, helpless and without a way out. I can still feel that way, but now I know I can’t let it take hold of me the way it once did, it’s too hard to get back.

That sadness, and anger, took hold me other night and the following morning. I got up anyway, and trudged forward, and then finally sank back into bed with the blanket over my head. I knew I couldn’t let myself stay there, and it’s rare that I even indulge the way I did that morning, but I let myself succumb to it, giving myself a time limit to sink back in. Sometimes I allow myself to fall back so I remember how bad it feels, and it did feel bad, but there was also a part of me that relished it, and just wanted to tune out the world and stay there. I made myself get up, I had too much to do just to hide in my room, and I kept trudging forward once again. But the sadness stayed, like a veil over the day, a veil that sometimes I would trip over and be reminded of throughout the day. I knew it would pass, in fact, most of it has already, but I used to believe my head when it would tell me that it never would, and that I would always be drifting in the sea of sadness, that thought would immobilize me and I would just stay there.

Today I focus on forward motion. That’s not to say I rush through, I do focus on getting to the heart of what’s really going on, and what feelings and emotions might also be tagging along from my past. I am in forward motion, but at my own pace. And we all have different paces. Don’t rush through because you want to feel better without figuring out what triggered the sadness and why, but don’t let yourself get washed out to sea either. For me, it takes a lot of checking in, really seeing where I’m at and if I’m just lingering the old-time sake, or if I am where I’m supposed to be in my process. Forward motion, always, even if it’s an inch at a time.

Only we suffer when we let our sadness immobilize us, and speaking from my own experience, if you let yourself float too far out to sea, it can be nearly impossible to get back, I nearly didn’t. We should acknowledge our sadness, and even talk about it, that alone may quash it and send it packing, but even if it doesn’t, reminding yourself to keep moving forward, and, if you’re not able to come to a concrete solution, to just let it go, you won’t get stuck in it. Do the work you need to get on the other side of it, and to put it in perspective, it can be easy to blow it up into something bigger than it is, or to only see your point-of-view, sometimes the way out is looking at it through someone else’s eyes, that may be the life-preserver you need. Either way, you are the one who can break free of your sadness, focus on the good in your life, and do something good for you, that will get you moving out of sadness and into happiness. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you let your sadness overtake you and immobilize you? How? Why? What can you do to not let it take over? What typically triggers your sadness? Is that something you can control or change? When it gets triggered, how long does your sadness immobilize you? How can you shorten that time? How can you not let it immobilize you at all? Find out what triggers your sadness, and when it happens focus on moving through it, instead of letting it move through you. Take control and learn from your sadness, and then let it go. You have the power to do that SLAYER, I know you do.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Pain Is Inevitable, Misery Is A Choice

I talk a lot about letting things go and acceptance here at State Of Slay, I also talk about being accountable for your actions. Inevitably we will experience pain in our lives. Life does it dance and sometimes we fall and skin our knee. But it’s up to us whether we get back up again or remain on the ground focusing on the pain of what has happened. We have a lot more power than we think we do when we get knocked down. We may not be able to stop the blow, but we can determine how we move on from there. Or, if we move on. Sometimes we get stuck in that place of hurt, of being a victim, or because we think we belong there. We don’t. You always have the power to stop the misery that comes from the initial pain, and you definitely have the power from preventing it again.

Life teaches us things, or it’s meant to, if we are quick learners we only have to go through it once before we make a change to stop it from happening again, but there are many of us, myself included, who may need several times at bat before finally hitting that home run and moving on. I used to sit in my misery not knowing how to get out of it. I would harbor resentments for those involved, and myself for letting myself get or stay there, and just stay stuck, not knowing how to get out from under the pile of hurt I was finding myself in, and many times, not wanting to get out because staying in that place was a way to punish myself. We are not meant to stay in the place. We are meant to move on, to learn, make peace with what was done, make peace with our part, because yes, as I mention a lot, we typically have one, and move on. Let it go. Now, some things are easier to let go of than others, most of the time the ones that aren’t easy are the ones that are triggering something from our past. Something we haven’t dealt with or have been able to find peace around. This may have been the reason the pain happened in the first place, as a red flag that you are meant to deal with an issue from the past. When I hurt, I always ask myself, is this because of what has happened in the present, or is this something bubbling up from my past I still need to work on letting go? A lot of the time our feelings are tethered to experiences and feelings from our past, things we’ve buried deep, or refuse to let go of. Those will keep popping up in our present lives, often reeking havoc on relationships we have today. As I always say, what is the root of the matter? Where does it stem from? There are usually answers there, and ultimately a solution.

Finding the answers to those questions will usually help you to move on faster, to let your pain go, or to at least give it the amount of weight it deserves, without piling on more for optimum effect. I always go back to, what are the facts? The facts don’t lie. Our feelings can trick us, they often have far-reaching tentacles that reach far back in our lives, and can skew the truth of what the matter really is, but if we focus on the facts, they will usually point us in the right direction. Once we have the facts we can usually expedite a solution to let it go, much faster than when our feelings get into the mix. But our feelings can indicate what’s really going on. So don’t count them out entirely, just don’t use them as a barometer of what actually happened.

Acceptance is the key to most of our problems when we are feeling disturbed or hurt. Learn from what happened, make a note of what you could have done better, or what you learned, and let it go. If you choose to hang on, you’re only torturing yourself and causing yourself unnecessary pain, set yourself free and make a commitment to yourself to do better next time. After all, it’s pain that helps us grow the most, so look at it as just that, growth, and turn a seemingly negative experience into something you can use for the good. That’s how we do it SLAYER! SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you experience pain or get hurt do you sit in that hurt or work to move on? If you sit in it, why do you do that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? What can you do to move on? What holds you back from doing so? How can you overcome that? Holding on to past hurt doesn’t serve you, it only holds you back, learn from the past and use that to make better choices moving forward. No one gets it right all the time, we are here to learn, so look for the lesson, and humbling look at your own actions, and let it go. You have the power to stop your own misery today, right now.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you