solutions

Solutions Grow More Solutions

When I was still new on this path I was stuck on a problem and wanting to be right, and because of my need to be right the problem was getting worse, I was complaining about it to a good friend of mine and she turned to me and said, “do you want to be a part of the problem or a part of the solution?” That made me pause. My stubbornness and need to be right was causing more of a problem, which wasn’t giving me peace, or even satisfaction of being right because I was making the problem bigger, I should have been in the solution, in fact, I should always be in the solution. For the most part now I am, but sometimes that stubbornness returns and I can stir up trouble.

Staying in the solution, or looking for one, is a place were we should be, and it’s a place, when we live there, where more and more solution grows. Like anything else, the more we fertilize something the more it grows, when we live our lives looking for the solution we will find more solutions and our thinking will shift away from forcing our way or point of view to not only looking for what is best for us, but what is best for the situation and those around us, to a collective solution, and one that isn’t causing us to bend or test our morals to get the desired result we’re looking for. To be fair, to be honest, to look at things from all angles, and not just our own. Living in the solution is a state of mind, and the more we live there the brighter our days become.

Typically we can’t solve a problem with the same brain that created it, at least not when we start practicing living this way, which is why it’s helpful to have a group of people to bounce our ideas off of. It helps to have perspectives of a few different people to maybe put our own views in perspective. So it’s about reaching out to others for help, it’s about being there for others as they walk through their own issues, being open to feedback even if it’s not supporting your own decision or ideas, having the courage to try something new, and implementing those new things, taking action, and most importantly, finding gratitude for all that is around you, and what it’s teaching you. Living in the solution means having to have an open mind, it is when we can have an open mind and heart that we can be open to an idea or solution we may not have thought of before, or tried, and when we are living in that place, giving us the courage to try it with the support of those around us. Living in the solution doesn’t mean being a pushover and letting everyone else get their way so to not cause any further problems, it means finding a way to resolve an issue with the best possible outcome for most or all parties, or, sometimes walking way to avoid any more heartache and suffering, sometimes stepping back is the best solution instead of hammering home something that can’t or won’t be resolved currently, your self-worth is more than your need to be right, or it should be, sometimes the right thing to do for you is nothing, to not engage, or no longer engage, and to find acceptance and peace in that.

Today I try to walk into each situation I find myself in looking for the solution, and that’s not to say that old behaviors don’t sometimes flare up, but I take responsibility for my actions if I’ve done something wrong, and get back into the solution. When we start to train ourselves to think in the solution we continue to look for the solution, and, we start to find new solutions. It is a much happier place to live, and a healthier way to think, and, who wants to be the source of the problem all the time? Not anyone living authentically and practicing self-love. Focus on the good, focus on finding the best solutions you can to any problem and you’ll start to see solutions where you used to only see problems. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: In your life, do you let the need to be right get in the way of finding a peaceful solution? Do you try to force your point of view? Or, are you a pushover, or people-pleaser, not expressing your wants and needs and letting someone else steamroll over you to make them happy? None of these are healthy solutions. Living in the solution is looking out for your own needs, but, not so much that everyone else’s are cast to the side, it’s about finding a middle-ground much of the time, listening to the wants and needs of others and seeing if you can align that with your own, and when you come to a stalemate, sometimes the best solution is to stop looking for one and taking care of yourself, not everything is solvable, and sometimes the best solution may be no solution. An integral part to practicing this way of life is to surrounding yourself with people who are also living in the solution, or trying to, and having a sounding board to talk things out with, many times the solution lies within the advice or comments from those who know us best. Then, it’s just a matter of taking action and following through, because words are just words until you take action and make them real. Make living in the solution a real way of life for you SLAYER, and watch how your life, and the solutions around you, grow.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

When We Share Our Stories, We Spread Hope

For those of you who join me for the SLAY TALK LIVE livestream each month, you’ve heard me talk about giving back, of spreading a positive message to those who need it, and of my commitment to spread a message of hope. Last night I spoke at a mental hospital here in Los Angeles. A place that is not a part of my story before stepping on this path, but probably should have been, heck, there are probably times even on this path I may have qualified for the psych ward, but it was a place I wanted to speak because of my own struggles with mental health issues, I wanted to bring some light to the patients there because, for many, is not the brightest time in their life.

We all have the ability to share who we are and where we’ve come from with others, I’ve talked about the power of that many times, and in my last blog, and how someone’s story saved my life, so it’s important for me to share mine with others. I’m a firm believer in we have to give away what we’ve learned to keep it. If we just keep it to ourselves we can lose it, we can forget where we came from, where we fought our way back from, who we used to be, it’s the act of giving it away and sharing it with others that reminds us of those things, keeps us humble, and keeps us on the right path. Tonight it reminded me of likely where I would end up, if I was lucky and didn’t harm myself, if I were to stop doing what I do each day to stay in the light. The privilege I enjoyed today of walking in for one hour and then walking out could easily be taken away if I let myself slide back into the dark hole that I once resided. The weight of that was not lost on me as I sat there and listened to the patients share their struggles and I watched as they found a little bit of hope in what we were saying. That could easily be me. In fact, when I first stepped out on this journey, that was me, I was just not institutionalized, but the fear, the desperation to find answers, solutions, was all the same, I identified myself with them, and hopefully they identified themselves in me and were able to see that there is hope, that if they are willing to do the work, to do what may not be comfortable, to do whatever it takes to get better, they can. We all can. I did.

Each one of our stories is valid. Each story has value. Each of us has something to share that can help another individual, or many, we all walk this path with many at our side, who are all doing the best they can, and together we can all help each other. We can offer someone hope. With hope in our hearts we can accomplish so much, it’s hope that opens the door to willingness, and willingness to taking action, and even the tiniest bit of it can save a life, can light a path, can be a beacon to bring someone home. It is the most beautiful gift we can give, and it’s a gift that gives back to us in return. For those of us that have come out the other side of our personal struggle, for those who have found a better way of life, solutions to those problems that used to plague us, hold us back, bring us down, we have a lot to share, even when we are still trying, working, to get out, or to a place we want to get to, our journeys so far can help someone who is just starting theirs, and may be just what they need to hear to find the courage to begin. Even on a bad day, a day when you think you have nothing to offer, you do, by being honest about your struggle you may help someone with theirs, and, you may just find a solution by talking it out. We are all here for reason, we are all here to learn, to grow, share what you have found so far. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you see that your story or journey so far may be the light that someone else might need? Do you see the value in your story? If not, why? Has someone else’s story inspired you or helped you on your path? If so, how? How can you SLAYER give back and share your story with others? How can you be of service to those out there who can be helped from your journey so far? We all have a gift to give, one of honesty and truth, no matter how we may feel on any given day, our story matters, and it may just be what someone else needs to hear.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! When old patterns are broken, new solutions can be found.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Dysfunction