Good morning SLAYER! Never feel guilty for doing what’s best for you. Setting a boundary is not selfish, it is an act of self-respect and self-care. Don’t let someone get comfortable disrespecting you.
New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!
boundaries
Secrets Are Not A Replacement For Boundaries
We’ve all done it—told those “little white lies” to make things easier. Maybe to get out of a bind, avoid a confrontation, or dodge a situation we never felt comfortable with in the first place. We tell ourselves it’s harmless because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. But if we’re honest? Most of the time, we’re just trying to avoid the discomfort of setting a boundary and speaking our truth.
Boundaries aren’t about being difficult.
They’re about being clear—about our needs, our limits, and how we expect to be treated. They build self-respect and create space for healthier relationships. The truth is, once we get comfortable setting them, life tends to feel less chaotic and more aligned. Boundaries reduce stress because they make our expectations known—no guessing, no games.
But learning how to set boundaries—especially when we’ve spent most of our lives people-pleasing—takes intention, patience, and practice. Here’s how you start:
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
1. Know Where You Stand
You can’t set a boundary if you’re unsure of how you feel. Check in with yourself. What makes you uncomfortable? What feels unsafe or triggering? Clarity is power.
2. Tap Into How You Feel
Resentment, anxiety, dread—these are often signs that a boundary needs to be set. What emotion is coming up, and why? Naming the feeling helps you respond with intention instead of reaction.
3. Be Clear
Once you know your truth, communicate it plainly. No over-explaining. No apologies. A boundary isn’t a debate—it’s a statement of self-respect.
4. Give Yourself Permission
Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you self-aware. You are not “too much.” You are worthy of peace and respect.
5. Check In Often
Your needs evolve, and so will your boundaries. Stay aware. Reflect regularly on how situations or people make you feel, and adjust accordingly.
6. Look at Your Patterns
Do you default to caretaking? Do you shut down? Are you conflict avoidant? Recognizing these patterns gives you the power to shift them.
7. Prioritize Self-Care
Boundaries are a form of self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of you is not a luxury—it’s a necessity.
8. Find Your People
Surround yourself with those who support your growth. Healthy people respect healthy boundaries. And don’t be afraid to reach out for help—it benefits both the giver and receiver.
9. Take Action
Thinking about setting a boundary is not the same as setting it. You have to follow through. Speak up. Be consistent. And don’t shrink when you feel resistance.
10. Start Small, Build Confidence
You don’t have to tackle the toughest boundary first. Practice with low-stakes situations. Build your voice. Build your confidence. Then level up.
Here’s the truth:
Keeping secrets or telling lies to avoid discomfort isn’t kindness—it’s avoidance. And the more you avoid, the more disconnected you become from your truth.
Boundaries are not about controlling others—they’re about honoring yourself.
The more you practice, the more you’ll feel grounded, clear, and connected. That’s the foundation of a life that SLAYS.
SLAY Reflection
Do you struggle to set boundaries? Why?
Have you ever used a “white lie” instead of speaking your truth? What did it cost you?
Do you believe you’re worthy of setting the terms for how you’re treated?
What patterns from your past still influence how you show up today?
What would it look like to protect your peace, unapologetically?
S – Stop hiding behind excuses or silence.
L – Listen to your gut—it’s telling you what you need.
A – Assert your truth with compassion and clarity.
Y – Yield only to what honors your worth.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Do you struggle with setting boundaries—and if so, why?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s learning to speak up for themselves, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
Self-Righteous Anger
We’ve all been there.
That moment when you feel completely justified.
You warned them. You told them what would happen. And now—here you are, furious, ready to let loose with every ounce of frustration you’ve stored up.
You’re 100% right…
And still, something feels 100% wrong.
That’s the tricky thing about anger.
It might feel powerful in the moment—but often, it leaves you feeling more hollow than healed.
Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.
Our Reactions Are Our Responsibility
If you have a problem with someone, the truth is: that problem is yours to manage.
You decide:
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Who you engage with
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How far you let them in
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What boundaries you set
There will always be people we have to interact with—coworkers, family members, even acquaintances we didn’t choose. But even in those cases, we are still the ones who determine how much access they have to our energy.
This blog connects back to so many past entries:
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People Picker – choosing aligned connections
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Ask For What You Want – clearly stating your needs
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Intentions: The Truthseeker – staying honest about your “why”
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Finding Grace in the Gray Areas – learning to live in nuance
It all comes back to this: we are in charge of how we engage.
When We Engage to Feel Superior
Sometimes we step into situations knowing they won’t end well.
Why?
Because deep down, we’re looking for a reason to get angry.
To say “I told you so.”
To feel superior, righteous—even if it’s just for a moment.
Anger, in this form, is seductive.
It gives us a temporary hit of control, of power.
But it fades.
And once it does, we’re left with the truth: we used that anger to fill something inside us.
A need. A hurt. A void.
And it didn’t work.
Lashing Out Isn’t Leadership
When you feel like lashing out, when you feel morally superior, when you want to “teach someone a lesson”—pause.
Ask yourself:
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Could I have avoided this situation?
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Did I knowingly enter this dynamic?
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Am I trying to justify my anger by proving someone wrong?
A lot of self-righteous anger comes from the need to control.
But here’s the hard truth: we can’t control anyone else.
We only control ourselves.
Trying to control others will always lead to the same outcome:
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Disappointment
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Resentment
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Frustration
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Anger
That’s not power.
That’s a cycle.
Break the Cycle with Compassion
The way out is through awareness, compassion, and boundaries.
We avoid self-righteous anger by:
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Engaging with people who align with us
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Setting boundaries with those who don’t
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Letting go of the illusion that anger makes us strong
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Staying open, flexible, and willing to grow
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Being clear with others—and honest with ourselves
And most importantly: not exploding when someone behaves exactly as they always have.
Wishful thinking won’t change a pattern.
Anger won’t either.
But self-awareness will.
Anger Is a Signal, Not a Strategy
Righteous anger might feel satisfying in the moment.
But if the goal is to belittle someone, to control them, or to make yourself feel bigger—it’s not righteous. It’s a reaction.
And reactions are usually about us, not them.
As SLAYERS, we take responsibility for that.
We engage with kindness.
We communicate with clarity.
We protect our energy by refusing to get pulled into battles we don’t need to fight.
So if you’re angry—own it.
Sit with it.
Figure out where it’s coming from.
Then SLAY that dragon—and walk forward in peace.
SLAY Reflection: Are You Fueling the Fire?
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Do you knowingly get involved with people or situations that you expect will upset you?
Why do you think you do that? -
Does your anger give you a sense of control or superiority?
What do you think it’s really covering up? -
How does this behavior affect your relationships and your self-esteem?
What’s the cost? -
What would change if you chose not to engage the next time anger arises?
How could you protect your peace instead? -
What would your life look like if you honored your boundaries instead of your ego?
Can you write down the benefits of releasing the need to be right?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
When was a time you caught yourself reacting from anger instead of truth—and what did you learn from it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s working on letting go of the need to be right, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Happiness
News flash, SLAYER – you’re not responsible for other people’s happiness! I spent so much of my life trying to make or keep everyone else happy. It wasn’t until I started this journey that someone told me my real responsibility was to make sure I was happy. At first, it felt selfish.
It was pointed out that my efforts to make others happy were sometimes rooted in wanting something in return – even just acknowledgment. I wasn’t doing it purely from the goodness of my heart. Instead, I was trying to fill my own void or prove I was a “good” person.
The People-Pleaser Pattern
As a kid, I constantly tried to make my parents happy. I wore that effort like a badge of honor. Even into adulthood, that need to please followed me. I thought if I could make someone happy, that would mean I had worth. But what it really meant was putting others’ feelings ahead of my own, neglecting my needs, and losing my voice.
I’d martyr myself when my efforts weren’t appreciated. I’d lash out or resent the person for not seeing what I was doing for them. But the truth is, I was trying to do someone else’s job—their happiness—and ignoring the work I needed to do for my own.
Happiness Is an Inside Job
Here’s the reality: we’re all responsible for our own happiness. No one else can do it for us. Sure, it’s lovely when someone does something that makes us feel good. But relying on others to provide our happiness is like expecting someone to go to work for you while you still cash the paycheck.
Happiness comes from within. It’s about being authentic, living our truth, and knowing what lights us up. It’s about asking for what we need without fear and showing compassion for others while still prioritizing our own joy.
Shifting the Narrative
Doing nice things for others can bring happiness—it feels good to spread love. But it should nourish, not replace your happiness. Sometimes, seeing what makes others happy can reveal what makes us happy. But one should never replace the other.
Start identifying what makes you happy. Explore, try new things, say yes. Your happiness shouldn’t hinge on someone else’s feelings. When you make yourself a priority, that joy spills over to those around you—authentically and without strings.
Happiness Is Contagious (But Starts With You)
Our path is about finding what makes our hearts shine. It’s okay to do things we don’t want to do sometimes, but not at the expense of our own happiness. When we cheat ourselves, we also cheat others of finding their happiness.
Fill your life with what brings you joy. And by making your happiness a priority, you might just inspire others to do the same. See how that works?
SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflection Questions
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Do you put others’ happiness before your own?
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Why do you think you do that?
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Do you believe you deserve to be happy? (You do!)
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What truly makes you happy?
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How can you challenge yourself to prioritize your happiness today?
Happiness is your job, SLAYER. Make it a priority. SLAY on.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ll prioritize your happiness today?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s struggling to put themselves first, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
