Good morning SLAYER! Be courageous, ask for what you want, you may not get everything you ask for, but nothing will change if you stay the same. Speak up, make your voice heard and get to work.
New blog goes up Sunday, until then…SLAY on!
ask for what you want
Ask For What You Want
I used to be guilty of never asking for what I wanted, either because I didn’t think I really deserved it, or I just thought you should know. Either way, many times I didn’t get what I wanted because I didn’t ask for it, or tell people what what I was hoping to receive in any given situation. As a result I got angry or became resentful sinking into a pity party pit of despair and anguish as I watched, what I thought, was everyone else getting what they wanted while I wasn’t. But, I had no right to be angry if I didn’t ask in the first place. It isn’t anyone else’s job to make sure I get what you want, that job is for only one person, and that person is me, and SLAYER, it’s your job to make sure you get what you want as well, so, what’s holding you back?
What are we so afraid of? The worst thing that can happen is someone can say no. That’s it. We’ve all heard no before, and will many more times in our lifetime, so why do we get so afraid to ask for what we want? Well, as I’ve already mentioned, we may not feel like we deserve it, we do, we deserve to get the things we want, we work hard, we’re good people, why can’t we ask for what we want? We can. That doesn’t mean we’re always going to get it, and, that’s OK, but it we don’t let our intentions be known people aren’t going to know that it’s something we want unless they just guess or somehow or are on the same page as we are, but why leave your wants up to chance? You shouldn’t, you should be clear about what you want so there aren’t any misunderstandings or unrealistic expectations. This was something I had to learn, to speak up for myself, and to clearly ask, and know that I do deserve good things, I do deserve to ask for what I want, and once I got over the fear of asking and started doing it, things became more clear, my communication with other people was better, I did get what I wanted, not all of the time, but more than I was, and at the very least it started a conversation with someone who I wouldn’t have had before, and sometimes, out of that, came a compromise, or something else that I hadn’t even thought of, but was also good.
It’s the fear, I think, more than anything, of getting turned down, or being laughed at, or someone thinking we’re arrogant for even asking. The exercise here is just to ask, to stay out of the results of it, or how it’ll be received, those are beyond our control, but what we are in control of is letting our needs and wants be known, and then standing back to see what comes back, and learning to be OK with whatever that is, but knowing that you did ask, you stood tall and asked for what you wanted.
It’s easy to sit back with envy over what other people are getting, and letting yourself sink down in resentment, but you have the power to get yourself out of that hole of despair, you have the power to say, “hey, I want this,” and working to make that happen. I have so much respect for people who come out and ask for what they want, some new friendships have started because of it, because someone found the courage to just reach out, and generally people tend to respect and listen to people who are strong enough to stand up and ask for what they want, they start to listen to those people and ask their opinions and want to collaborate with them. It’s the start of a shift of how people view us and communicate with us.
There are certainly guidelines for your asking that typically are good to follow; make your requests reasonable, keep it simple, believe you are worth it, take into consideration the other person’s needs, find a nice way to deliver your request, be honest about it, and, don’t huff and puff and stomp away if you don’t get what you want, see if you can find a compromise, or if there isn’t, say thank you, or OK, and walk away. There’s a right way to ask and a wrong way, but when we are concise and clear many times it can be a simple conversation, and one the other person will appreciate for your honesty and courage to come out and ask for what you want.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you ask for what you want? Why not? Do you think you deserve to have what you want? What was a time you asked for what you wanted and got it? What stops you from doing that each time? What has been the result of you asking for what you wanted in the past? Do you think you may have approached it in the wrong way? What did you learn from that? I challenge you SLAYER, to ask for what you want, when something comes up, and it’s a reasonable request, ask, see what happens, and, if you don’t get what you want, know that just the act of asking is a win, keep doing it and see how things will change for you. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
Freedom: Outside Those Fences, We Build Ourselves
There was a time in my life when I was unraveling quietly.
On the outside, I was functioning. On the inside, I was doing everything I could to hide how lost I felt. During that season, a dear friend came to stay with me for a few days. We never talked about what I was going through. He didn’t ask questions. He didn’t call me out. He simply saw me.
Before he left, he handed me a movie and said he thought I should watch it.
The movie was Instinct. I had never seen it. I set it on my coffee table, where it sat for months — untouched. When I finally watched it, I remember thinking it was well done, thoughtfully acted… but I didn’t understand why he’d given it to me.
It wasn’t until years later, after I had begun my healing journey, that I understood exactly what he was trying to tell me.
In the film, a character struggling to find his place in the world writes a farewell letter that includes this line:
“Freedom is not just a dream. It’s there, on the other side of those fences we build all by ourselves.”
When that line finally landed, it hit me like a wave.
My friend wasn’t offering advice.
He was offering truth.
The Fences We Build to Feel Safe Often Keep Us Trapped
Every one of us builds fences.
We build them to protect ourselves from pain, disappointment, rejection, and loss. We tell ourselves they’re necessary — that they keep us safe.
But often, those fences don’t just keep people out.
They keep us in.
The longer we stay behind them, the louder the negative chatter in our minds becomes. Fear grows comfortable. Doubt feels familiar. And the idea of stepping beyond what we know — even if what we know is painful — starts to feel terrifying.
What we call a “safety zone” slowly becomes a cage.
And from inside it, we watch others live. Love. Risk. Grow.
While we tell ourselves stories about why we can’t.
The Illusion of Safety
Here’s the hard truth:
You are not actually safe behind emotional fences.
You’re not safe from your own thoughts.
You’re not safe from resentment.
You’re not safe from the slow erosion of joy.
Survival may feel like safety — but it isn’t freedom.
When we hide, we don’t stop pain from existing. We just stop ourselves from experiencing the fullness of life that exists alongside it.
And eventually, hiding costs more than risking ever could.
Tearing Down the Fence Doesn’t Have to Happen All at Once
The good news is this: you don’t have to demolish everything overnight.
If the idea of tearing down your fences sends anxiety through your body, start smaller. Tear a hole. Open a gate. Peek through the slats.
You don’t need a wrecking ball — you need willingness.
For me, though, I tore everything down at once.
It was terrifying.
I felt exposed. Raw. Vulnerable. Like I was standing naked in front of the world, waiting to be judged.
But something unexpected happened when the fences came down.
The world came in — because I invited it to.
And I learned something powerful: the world wasn’t nearly as dangerous as I believed. There were others like me. Others who were afraid. Others who were healing.
And when we stood together, we became stronger.
Braver.
More alive.
Freedom Comes From Discernment, Not Isolation
We often tell ourselves that walls keep us safe, but real safety comes from discernment.
From choosing the right people.
The right environments.
The right truths.
Freedom doesn’t mean recklessness. It means living authentically while making informed, conscious choices.
Yes, we’ve all been hurt before.
But that was the old us.
The SLAYER standing here today has learned.
Has grown.
Has wisdom.
We don’t move forward by closing our hearts — we move forward by opening them to what aligns with who we are now.
Boundaries Are Not Fences
This is where boundaries come in.
Boundaries are not walls meant to isolate you.
They are guidelines that protect your freedom.
They communicate what is and isn’t acceptable access to you.
For me, boundaries often sound like:
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Honesty is required
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My time is respected
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I’m spoken to with kindness
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Distance is allowed when something isn’t healthy
Boundaries shift depending on the relationship and the season — and that’s okay. We are constantly evolving, and clarity requires checking in with ourselves often.
When something doesn’t feel right, that’s information.
Ask yourself:
What do I need right now to feel safe and free?
Asking for What You Need Is an Act of Freedom
One of the most liberating things you can do is ask for what you want and need.
Not everyone will be able to give it to you — and that’s okay.
But as SLAYERS, we don’t hide our needs behind fences anymore. We speak them clearly. We honor ourselves openly.
And when we do that, walls become unnecessary.
Because freedom isn’t found in hiding.
It’s found in truth.
You Were Never Meant to Live Behind the Fence
Freedom lives outside the structures we built from fear.
It lives in courage.
In connection.
In choosing alignment over avoidance.
You are not your past.
You are not the fear that once protected you.
You are not meant to stay confined.
You are meant to run free.
SLAY Reflection
Let’s reflect, SLAYER:
S: Where in your life have you built fences instead of boundaries?
L: What fears are keeping you behind those walls?
A: What is one belief, habit, or relationship you could loosen your grip on to create more freedom?
Y: What would it look like to step outside the fence — even just a little?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Where do you notice yourself hiding instead of living — and what would freedom look like for you right now?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s ready to step beyond their fences, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
