we hold the key

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! The best is yet to come.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Not Yet

The Yets

Many of us know we need to make changes in our lives, or may need outside help, but we delay what we need because we set boundaries or lines that we haven’t crossed yet. The yets are those things we have yet to do, those things that would make us see just how bad things have gotten and really prove to us that we need help or need to make some changes. We compare ourselves to others to gauge whether we’re there yet, we make sure that we spend time with others who we see as worse off than we are because we’re not there yet, and we try to diagnose ourselves with other things or make excuses for our behaviors or choices because we aren’t ready to admit the truth, yet. The yets keep us sick. The yets are also something that keep getting pushed further and further back to bigger stakes and more drastic results so that we can keep living the way we are and we never cross that final yet, until we do. Some of us do cross that final yet and never get the chance to recover. I’ve known people who never got that chance, there wasn’t another yet waiting for them, and even though they might not have wanted to die, that final yet was too much to come back from, or, they just ran out of chances.

We seem to think, when we’re living in the yets, that we’ll have infinite tries to get it right, infinite yets to cross, and infinite time to do it in. We don’t. And, what we don’t seem to realize in the yets is that just as we have control over how many yets we give ourselves, and how bad they get, we also have control of when we can say enough and stop the trajectory we’re on and seek help, or make some changes so we never get to that next yet. As I’ve said before, we hold the key to our own suffering, and we also hold the key to our own well-being.

The key for me was seeing that the yet that was waiting for me was death. There were likely some other bad yets I would cross before that last one, but at the rate I was ticking off the yets I would likely bypass those, and that suffering, to jump to the end. The reality of that end scared me enough I surrendered and asked for help. There’s a saying, you don’t have to ride the truck all the way to the dump, and it’s true, you can, but what’s waiting for you there is a pile of garbage, you can get off at any time, and likely should have already. I chose to get off the truck before it’s final destination and get help.

If you find yourself in a place of saying you haven’t done THAT yet, you’ve probably already crossed some lines in your life you’d thought you never would, and, you’re probably not living your life in a truthful and honest way that honors you and your spirit. The only place where the yets should be in your life is when you’re pushing yourself to grow, to push your own boundaries, to go after your dreams, to make positive choices in your life, because the yets can also be used as a positive tool to keep you moving forward so you don’t stay stuck.

See if you can turn your yets around and make them work for you to get you on a path of recovery, positivity and growth. Set yourself up for success by placing a road map of yets in front of you that will get you to the destination you’ve dreamed of, and, if you don’t know all of the yets that will get you there, start with the ones that you know, and trust that the rest will reveal themselves when you’re ready for them. Make your yets work for you, not destroy you. As in most things in life, the choices is yours. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you have a list of yets you said you would never crossed, but have? What are they? What yets have you yet to cross? What do you think will happen if you do? Do you think you can come back or recover from them? What if you don’t, or can’t? What stops you from making positive changes in your life so you don’t reach your next yet? What can you do to change that? How can you make a positive list of yets to replace the old ones? What can you do to get to your first positive yet? We can use what used to destroy us to make us better, it’s just about changing our aim and focus, making better choices, and being accountable to this new way of life. We can choose to live our best life yet, one day at a time, starting right now.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Loneliness Is Curable

If someone had told me that my loneliness was curable before stepping on this path I would have laughed. I had always felt lonely, even in a big room full of people. I always felt apart from everyone else, different, and those feelings kept me from connecting with others. I always had friends, and had several long-term romantic relationships, but I never really let anyone in completely, fearing that what they would find in me they wouldn’t like, because I didn’t like myself on the inside. That feeling of loneliness was always present in my day-to-day life. What I didn’t realize is that I held the key to that loneliness, I could let people in and find a peace and love in myself to wipe out the loneliness I felt.

Just as we hold the key to most of our suffering, we hold the key to our recovery from our past. For me, I found a way to connect with a spiritual way of life, to find a belief in something greater than myself. That took some time, even though I had always believed there was something out there, I was told it was up to me to find something that I could connect to and nurture a relationship with. I set out to find something that wanted the best for me, that was there to guide me and watch out for me, and I started to talk and connect with that idea. That alone wasn’t enough, but it was a great start. As that connection grew stronger I started to feel less alone, and that along with making an effort to connect with others like myself, who were on a similar path, those feelings of loneliness started to subside. It wasn’t always easy at the start, to reach out to people I didn’t really know, but it helped to focus on our commonality and those things I knew we shared and when I was able to do that asking someone to meet for a coffee or for their phone number became less scary, and as I did that and formed new friendships and relationships my life got richer and fuller. I still maintained many of the friendships from before, but it helped to form new ones with people who understood the journey I was on.

We, many times, impose our own loneliness, we sentence ourselves to be alone, because we may not feel worthy, or may not like ourselves or convince ourselves we don’t deserve to have good people in our lives, we do, but we have to believe we do and then set out to form those friendships. And, if you live in a smaller community where it’s more difficult to find people like yourself, find them online, find groups or fandoms that you can relate to, and that have common interests, goals or ways of life that coincide with yours. They’re out there. There are so many ways to cure your loneliness, all it takes is some effort on your part, no matter where you find yourself, no matter what interests or excites you, there are people just like you who will not only accept you, but embrace you, so let them know you’re out there and invite them in. Your loneliness is within your control, take your power back and let yourself live as your true self, allowing others to celebrate who you are along with you. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel lonely? When do you feel lonely? Why do you think you feel lonely? Have you always felt lonely, or was there a specific time or event that started your loneliness? Do you feel like there is something missing from your life? If so, what is it? Are you able to identify it? Do you have a spiritual belief or relationship in your life? If so what is it? When you connect with something greater than yourself, do you feel less lonely? Does connecting with it give you comfort or make you feel more confident? Do you have trouble making new friends, or seeking out new people with similar interests or a similar journey? If not, why not? What gets in your way? Find the courage, SLAYER, to reach out those like yourself if you’re feeling alone, work on engaging with those people and find a commonality with them you can connect to. You can cure your own loneliness, but it takes work, so get to work and kick loneliness to the curb!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you