We all know the feeling—traffic that doesn’t move, a conversation that goes sideways, a plan that unravels in real time. Frustration builds, and before you know it, you’re simmering in anger, irritation, or resentment.
But here’s the truth that changed everything for me: frustration is always self-induced.
The outside world can invite us to be upset, yes—but we are the ones who accept the invitation.
When I first heard this idea, I bristled. Surely the rude driver, the unfair boss, the inattentive friend—they were the source of my frustration. But as I dug deeper, I realized the common denominator in every moment of anger was me. I was the one choosing to hold onto the irritation, the one letting it hijack my energy, the one letting the external world dictate my internal peace.
And that was the moment I understood: I can’t always control what happens, but I can always control whether or not I RSVP to frustration’s invitation.
The Hidden Cost of Accepting the Invitation
Frustration feels powerful in the moment. It gives us something to cling to, a sense of being “right,” or even righteous. But that power is fleeting, and the cost is high.
Every time we accept frustration’s invitation, we:
- Drain our energy on things that don’t serve us.
- Poison our mood, often for hours or days after the fact.
- Damage relationships by reacting instead of responding.
- Distract ourselves from solutions by obsessing over problems.
When I look back at my own life, I see how many days I lost this way—days spent stewing instead of living, days consumed by anger that did nothing but make me miserable. And all of it was preventable.
The truth? Frustration doesn’t come from what happened. It comes from the story we tell ourselves about what happened.
Pause Before You RSVP
The good news is that frustration is optional. Just because you’re invited doesn’t mean you have to attend.
Here’s what I practice today:
- Notice the rise. That heat in my chest, that quickening of my thoughts—I know frustration is knocking.
- Ask: Is this worth my peace? Nine times out of ten, the answer is no.
- Choose my response. Instead of spiraling, I take a breath. Sometimes I literally step away. Sometimes I laugh at how small the trigger really is. Sometimes I pray.
- Reframe. Instead of “Why is this happening to me?” I ask, “What is this showing me?” That shift turns frustration into information.
When I don’t RSVP to the invitation, I keep my power. I keep my peace. And I remember: the world doesn’t get to run my emotions—I do.
Frustration Reveals What We Value
Here’s the part most people miss: frustration isn’t all bad. It’s actually a teacher, if we’re willing to listen.
Frustration shows us what matters to us, what we expect, what boundaries may need adjusting. For example:
- If traffic frustrates me, maybe it’s not about the cars—it’s about my lack of preparation or my need for control.
- If someone interrupts me and I feel rage, maybe it’s pointing me to a wound around not feeling heard.
- If I’m furious that a plan changed, maybe it’s about my deeper need for certainty and security.
When I stop blaming the outside world and start looking inward, frustration becomes less of a punishment and more of a flashlight.
It shines a light on the gap between my expectations and reality—and that’s where my work begins.
Choosing Peace Over Frustration
It’s not about denying your feelings. It’s about remembering that frustration is optional. You always have another choice:
- You can let go. Not everything deserves a reaction.
- You can laugh. Humor disarms frustration in a heartbeat.
- You can learn. Ask what this moment is teaching you.
- You can move on. Protect your energy by refusing to give it away.
When I practice this, I notice how much lighter my days feel. I have more energy for the things that actually matter. And maybe most importantly, I stop letting other people’s behavior write the story of my day.
Because at the end of the day, frustration is a story. And you get to decide whether or not you keep telling it.
Frustration Will Knock Again—Be Ready
Don’t get me wrong—I still get frustrated. I’m human. But now, instead of automatically reacting, I pause and ask myself:
Am I about to accept an invitation to frustration? Or am I going to choose peace instead?
That moment of awareness has changed my life. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.
Frustration may knock, but peace is the one I let in.
SLAY Reflection
- What situations frustrate you most often?
- What expectations lie beneath that frustration?
- Can you trace your frustration back to an old story, wound, or belief?
- How does your day feel different when you choose not to engage with frustration?
- What’s one way you can practice pausing before accepting frustration’s “invitation” this week?
S – Stop and notice when frustration rises
L – Let go of the need to control what you can’t
A – Align your response with peace, not anger
Y – Yield to wisdom, not to the story frustration tells
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one frustration you’ve learned to stop accepting—and how did it free you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who feels constantly hijacked by frustration, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that peace is always a choice.
