story

Never Cursed

Before walking this path when bad things would happen to me, or when things didn’t go the way I wanted them to, I would say I was cursed. Others would say it me too, so I believed that I was, or I would say that maybe I had been someone really awful in another life and was now paying the price. I believed I was cursed for most of my life. It wasn’t until I changed my life and made a commitment to live in the light that I realized I had never been cursed at all, well, maybe by my own thinking, but that it was my need to control everything that caused my frustration, and my expectation that everything and anything would go wrong that made my cursed theory a self-fulfilling prophecy. I expected the bad, so the bad came. I also played a part with some self-sabotage as well to really get the negative narrative spinning that I wanted to tell, and could use that for sympathy to manipulate others and to see if I would get a break because I could get someone to feel sorry for me. Yeah, that’s an attractive way to live. It felt as ugly as it sounds, because it was. So here’s the thing, I was never cursed, I was choosing to only see the bad, the negative, and sometimes created it myself, to stay in the muck and dirt because I believed I belonged there. And if that sounds like you, it’s time to clean yourself off and come clean about the story you’re telling yourself, and those around you.

The truth is, life happens. Good, bad. It ebbs and flows. And sure, it sucks when we get disappointed, or hurt, or slapped with an unexpected surprise that may be hard to deal with, but that’s life, it’s how we deal with it that makes us who we are. I’ve talked quite a bit about expecting the good, because when we expect good, many times the good comes, and even when something perceivably bad happens, trying to find the good in it, or at least the lesson learned. For me it was about practicing some contrary action, which I’ve blogged about in the past as well, when my brain would go to the negative, focusing on something positive, searching for it, even if it was small, to turn my negative thinking to positive thinking. It took time, and sometimes still I’ll slip back to negative thinking, but for the most part I stay in the light and expect the good. We tell ourselves stories, either to back up the story we want to tell, or because it was a story that was told to us as children or by others even in adulthood, but what really matters is not the story, but the truth, what are the facts, those won’t steer you wrong. But it’s always looking at the facts for what they are, not skewing them to lean the way you want. Live life and life’s terms. Now I know that statement may scare some of you, especially you control freaks, I know you’re out there, I used to be one of you, but there’s so much power in letting things go, and truly accepting things as they come, it’s far too much work, and exhausting, to try to spin everything to fit the story you’re trying to tell, to manipulate the facts, to manipulate the people around you. You are not cursed anymore than you are a genie, but you do have the power to make some magic happen in your life, focus on the good things, and focus on getting more good in your life, that’s when the real magic happens.

At the end of the day, you have the power to reverse that curse, and change the outlook you have on your life, let the light in, accept what you cannot change, and make changes where you can, and focus on the good, after all, the energy we put out is the energy that comes back to us, so step in the light and make a plan to stay there. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you think of yourself as being cursed? Why? Do you tell people you are cursed? Why? What do you think will happen if you stop saying that? What if you stopped thinking it? What if you just took the “bad” things in stride and walked through it, never labeling it or giving it more weight than it deserves? Do you have trouble finding the light in your life? Why? How have you tried? Make a list of 5 things that you are grateful for, that you cannot buy. When you have trouble finding the light, look at that list, visual light around those things, and yourself, and see if you can add 5 more by the end of the week.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Perception: We All Have One

Before stepping on this path it never occurred to me that what I was seeing and hearing was being filtered through my own perception, I just took it all as fact, and reacted to it. What I didn’t realize is because I was living in a negative space, and quite often as a victim of the world and all of you, what I was seeing and hearing was skewed to fit the narrative I wanted to keep justifying. Often what was really going on was far from the way I had seen or heard it, making my reactions to it off and sometimes downright aggressive to the unsuspecting people I would encounter every day.

Perception is a tricky thing, even now sometimes I have to keep myself in check and ask myself if what I’m reacting to is really going on, or, is it just what I’m choosing to see and hear. Each of us has our own perception of the same things, and much of that perception is based on our past experiences, opinions, or whatever head space we may be in that day, and sometimes, it is whatever we’re wanting it to be based on expectations we had going in. Something to remember when we encounter people in our day to day life who may have a totally different perception than we do of that exact same event, and, just like with ourselves, we need to take into consideration that everyone else is fighting their own battles that we know nothing about, everyone, and in fighting those battles, is seeing things through their own filter, with their own perception. So, who’s right and who’s wrong? Well, it depends. It depends on who is taking in just the facts and who is lacing it with their own prejudices or preconceived notions of what was going to happen. It’s important to take stock of where we’re at and make sure we’re not bending the truth because of a bad mood, exhaustion, a case of being hangry, or maybe simply taking something out of context.

Misunderstanding someone’s meaning through email or text is really easy to do. It’s happened to me many times. We tend to read the words in whatever mood or head space we happen to be in, so a seemingly innocent message can come off angry if that’s the current mood we’re in, or if we’ve been harboring resentments against that person and haven’t worked on them and expressed how we feel. My recommendation always before immediately reacting is to pause, don’t do anything, maybe even go do something else for a while before getting back to it. Sometimes just taking a break does put things back in perspective and may help you read those same words differently. Something I also always do is ask myself if I can be misinterpreting the message, I question my perception because I know it can be off depending on what’s happening for me that day, sometimes just questioning myself can also put the words in perspective, as well as taking in the other person’s track record, do they typically talk to me like this, or does it seem out of character? Do some work before firing off a response and then hitting send. Trust me, you’ll make much less apologies when you practice this. Life is not a game show, we don’t get extra points for the fastest response, it never hurts to pause, and in some cases ask a friend for their opinion if you’re unsure yourself.

At the end of the day, we as individuals all see things differently, we all have our own opinions of the same events or information, we all bring our own history to every situation, the trick is to keep that into consideration before diving into an argument or engaging with someone you may have felt disrespected by, or offended by, ask yourself if that’s what’s really going on, and maybe ask someone else for their opinion. The idea is, we don’t just launch ourselves at someone without thinking it through, and reminding ourselves that someone else may be doing the same with us, so if you do feel attacked ask for clarification before lauding bombs back in their direction, communication is the key, and most of the time a simple clarification can fix things right up.

We are all human, we all make mistakes, remind yourself of that before becoming the judge and executioner in the course of a minute, what are the facts?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are there times when you know your perception was off about a person or situation? Why do you think that was? What can you do in the future to keep your perception on track? Are you able to have compassion for others who’s perception may be off about you or a situation? If not why? Do you see how easy it is to be wrong about someone or something because of the where a place you may be in your life? How can you remedy that, or work on that for the future. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! Don’t let the past or other people hijack your life story, it’s your story to tell, you decide how that story is going to unfold and how it’s told, and if you don’t like the story you’re in, you have the power to change it.

The pen is in your hands SLAYER, start writing.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Story

You Are The Author Of Your Own Story

True story! You, and only you, are the author of your story, no one else gets to write your story, or tell it. You decide what your story is and how it’s going to unfold. We are not our past, or what’s happened to us, we have the power to walk tall, leave the past behind and start a new chapter, or a whole new book! Now as we were children we didn’t have a say in our own story, life rolled out in front of us without our consent most of the time, but as an adult we get to choose, we get to decide and we get to take control of our own story and choose what we want our story to be, we hold the key, our life is our story to tell.

Before stepping on this path I was always the victim. I always believed the life had it out for me, that it was out of my control and I was constantly being punished, and even if something good did happen, I thought it was really just life’s cruel little game so it could take it away from me later because I didn’t deserve it. None of that was true. Well, I made it true because I believed it. But the truth is, when I decided to get help, to live my life in acceptance, self love, and honor myself I realized that all of those blank pages in the chapters ahead were within my control and I could start telling a new story, my life wasn’t some runaway train that I was constantly trying to catch, or not get hit by, I was driving that train, and I had the power to slow it down and change tracks.

This blog has been a part of that story, and a way to combine the two, to share where I came from and how I live my life today, my current story. When I made a conscious decision to get help and do the work to heal and find a better life for myself, I changed my story, and took control of it. You also have that power, to take where you’ve come from and use that to tell the story you want to tell, one of survival, one of growth, one of love, and when you share your story you connect with other people who also have a similar story, or people who may find hope in your story and through that you find support and even more strength.

It’s also about doing the work. You, as the author, have to do the work to tell the story you want to tell, to have the life you want to live, otherwise it will be told by other people, places and things. Take ownership of your story and no one gets to tell you what your story is, or gets to tell it for you. The pen is in your hands and it only changes when you do. If you don’t like the story you’re telling right now, change it, do what you need to do so you are telling the right story, the right story for you, whatever you have to do. For me, my life depended on me changing my story, the story of my past was only going to lead me to one place, death, I had the gift of desperation to help me start a new story for myself, and once I started to believe I held the power to change my story, I got excited about it, I was no longer living as a victim, I took my power back because the power was all mine. And, it’s all yours.

When you think about your life, what you dreamed it would be, what you’re passionate about, who you’re passionate about, are you being true to your own story? Are you telling the story you want to tell? Are you the protagonist of your own story, the hero we’re all rooting for? Are you rooting for you? I certainly hope so. If not, you have some work to do SLAYER, but that’s OK, and, hopefully exciting because it’s time to start writing a new story, one you’re proud of, one your excited to share with others, and one that may unfold beyond your wildest dreams. It just may. But, you won’t know if you keep writing the same old tired story that isn’t serving you, and isn’t showing you in the best light, or your potential. Turn the page and start fresh.

Many times we don’t realize that our lives and stories are in our own hands, they are, and SLAYER, it is up to you to write the story you want to live and share with others, one that inspires you, excites you, and maybe helps someone else do the same. What do you want your story to be SLAYER? Start writing.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Does your current story reflect the story you want to tell? If not, why not? What’s stopping you from having the story of your dreams? What can you do to start writing the story you want to tell? Take action SLAYER, it’s up to you to do the work, and when you do, a new story will unfold, it’s on your hands. SLAY on.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you