moving forward

You Have To Go Through It To Know What It’s Like

We’ve all heard, “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” and that’s true, we learn from the tough times, the things that challenge us, from the mistakes we make, or, hopefully we do, it’s those times that we typically learn the most, I know I do. It’s also sometimes just about experiencing the lows so that we work harder to not slide back there again. For me, so much of what keeps me moving forward is knowing what’s waiting for me if I stop working so hard, I haven’t forgotten what it was like, and it’s imperative that I never do. There are days when my mind wants to gloss over those times, the dark days and nights, the harm I did to myself, but when I share my story, it keeps those times fresh in my memory, which is exactly where I want them. I want to remember how bad things were, how much hatred I had for myself, and what got me there, because as long as I remember I won’t let myself go back there, and, it allows me to appreciate what I have today.

When we go through tough, or dark, times, we often say, “why is this happening to me?” The answer, likely, is our own actions, not always, but typically it is, but more importantly than that, we are meant to go through it to teach us something or to remind us where we don’t want to be, and, that we have to power to stay out of that dark place. And for those things we are powerless over that happen to us, they teach us we can get through it, we are strong enough, and, if we reach out like we should, that we have a community of support around us to walk us back to the light. We have to go through all of that stuff to know what it’s like. If things were always great we would never build character, we would never know what we are capable of, we would never grow, it’s a natural part of our development and life. That’s not to say it doesn’t suck sometimes, but if we choose to look at it as a good thing, a learning opportunity, a time to look for the good that can come out of a bad situation, we will start pulling out the good and focusing on the good.

With the relationships in our lives there can also be the lesson that not everyone we lose is a loss. I’ve written about this before, some people aren’t meant to be a part of our lives for the long-term, they’re part of our story may only be brief, and that’s OK, the trick is to let them go when they should go and not hang on long past their reason for being there. We’ve all tried to salvage a relationship that just isn’t meant to be saved, or continued to believed in someone when they’ve continually let us down and shown us that can’t be who we want or need them to be, but going through that teaches us and they are the lessons of how to let go of people when they should be let go, the pain or frustration we feel and have gone through is what will help us with or future relationships. Knowing we have the power to change our past, and save ourselves from heartache, it is important we go through those experiences so we make better choices moving forward.

It’s also a way, at times, to find what we’re really looking for. Nothing motivates us more when we are not happy. When we aren’t happy about current situation, or have not gotten the results we wanted by using our old ways, we become much more willing to take suggestions and try new things, so sometimes going through the struggle is the best thing that can happen to us because we look for alternative ways to solve a problem we’re consistently having.

So, as I’ve said many times before, life is really a matter of perspective, we have the choice to look at the “bad” and extract good from it, to choose to look at life as a series of lessons, lessons that give us the tools to change how we navigate through life and tools that will help us to get to the places and people we are meant to be with. The bad is never really bad if we take some good from it. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: When you think back to some events in your life you would label as bad, are you able to find some good as a result of it? Write down some instances where this was the case? If not, can you look back and find some good that you may have gained as a result of the situation or incident? How can you, moving forward, look for the good even in a situation that may be difficult or upsetting? How you can you use what you’ve learned to make better choices in the future? How can you use the strength you found walking through a tough situation to better yourself in the future? Everything we go through is meant to help us, even if it’s just to make us stronger, realize how much support we have around us, or, force us to do things differently, it’s all designed to better who we are and how we do things. The more we force our old ways, or same ways, the harder life will push back. We are all here to learn, when we refuse to do that we stall, we get stuck, and that typically isn’t in a happy place, look for the opportunities to learn and grow in difficult or hard situations, and see if you can’t come out on top with some new confidence, and, new ways of tackling old problems. I know you can SLAYER.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Just Try

Anyone who follows STATE OF SLAY knows I’m big on taking action, without it, we stay stuck, and nothing changes. It can be daunting to start something new, to start a new project or task, or maybe try something we’ve never tried, perhaps by taking contrary action. But I encourage you to just try. There’s no harm in trying, and really, life is a series of us trying new or different things with varying success. It’s just about the act of trying. If we don’t try we don’t win. We don’t know. We never change, or grow. I used to be afraid to try new things, thinking it was safer to just stay where I was, even though I wasn’t happy there, and wasn’t fulfilled there, it felt safe, because I knew it. It took a lot for me to try something new, it almost took my life, and it was scary to start, scary to step out of the routine I had been living in, scary to not know what the results would be, but, I did it, and the more I did it, the less scary it became, and even though things didn’t always work out the way I would want them to, many worked out in ways I couldn’t have imagined, and in ways that helped me grow. At the end of the day it’s just about jumping off that cliff and trying, but unlike cliff jumping, if things don’t work out the way you had hoped, you can always try something different, and chalk that up to a learning experience.

Life is all about taking chances, taking risks, and adjusting to things as they change, those changes are a good thing, it means we are pushing ourselves, we are flexible in our thoughts and actions, we are riding the waves of life as they come in to our lives. Living our lives to be safe typically doesn’t bring us happy results, it tends to leave us feeling like we’re living life on the sidelines watching everyone else win around us. But we can win to, we just have to jump in and play the game. And so what if we lose. Everyone, no matter how successful, no matter how great of a person, no matter how smart, talented, or prepared, will lose at some point, everyone, so what you are you afraid of? We’ve all been losers and we’re still here to talk about it, and we’re still trying, and still jumping in the game. The circumstances will never be perfect, so stop waiting for something that isn’t going to happen, just start, jump in. Jump in with wild abandon, jump in with passion, with excitement, with everything you’ve got, maybe even jump in with others and do it together. No matter what the outcome you’ve already won, you’ve tried, you’ve tested the waters and took a leap, that in itself is a win. And speaking of winners, stick with the winners, stick with those people are taking chances, who are going after their dreams, who are inspiring others, those are the people you want to surround yourself with, let them inspire you, encourage you, set your soul of fire to get moving and take action. Those are the people you want around you, stay in the middle of those people as you take a leap of your own.

There are always reasons not to do something, but most of the time they are just bullshit, they are just that voice in our heads that tells us we don’t deserve it, we won’t get it, or we don’t know what we’re doing, tell those voices to quiet down and watch, watch you try. Besides, those voices are lying to you, those voices are scared, those voices have no place in our life today, they’re just telling us an old story that no longer applies to us, we’re changing our story, we’re telling the narrative we want to tell, one of success, of excitement, of an ever expanding world around us. Let people know what you want, what you’re doing and see if you can build up a strong army around you of like-minded people who are all willing to raise each other up to bigger and better things. As SLAYERS we pick up our swords and soar, we stand tall and go after our dreams and we make it happen. Don’t let old ideas get in your way or negative self-talk, show those voices what you’ve got and why you’re strong. SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Does your negative self-talk get in the way of you trying new things or going after what you want? What do they tell you? Why are those voices wrong? Write down all the ways that they’re wrong. How can you overcome them? What gets in your way of starting something new? How can you work around it? How can you take action today to work towards a goal you have? Take action on that SLAYER, on step at a time, and before you know it, you will leap farther than you ever could have imagined.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you