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Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Life is happening, right now, outside your screen.

New blog goes up Friday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Phone

Close Your Device And Open Your Mind

We live in a time where we are obsessed with our devices. We use them to connect and stay in touch, we use them to stay on top of current events, we use them to document our lives, and we use them to numb ourselves and tune out from our day-to-day lives. Too often we replace people time with screen time. We miss moments, right in front of us, to have meaningful exchanges with others, to help someone in need or to share who we are with those around us. We use our devices many times without realizing we’re doing it, we habitually pick them up and start scrolling through stories, photos or media shutting off our brains and falling into a trance as we gaze at the images passing through our screens, many of us so addicted that we seem incapable of turning them off in meetings, church, movie theaters, while driving, well, for anything. But what suffers when don’t keep ourselves, and our devices, in check? In my experience, everything.

Don’t get me wrong. I use my devices to do many useful things, but I do make sure I am giving myself, and my brain, time away from them. One of my favorite times of the day is when I turn my phone off and hike or  exercise. It is one of my most productive times of the day and always has been. It’s time that my fingers stop doing the work and my mind kicks into gear. That’s when I’m at my most creative, and where many ideas, including State Of Slay™ have been born. Often times I figure things out that I had not been able to find a solution for earlier in the day, I get new ideas, I find inspiration and I think about what I am most grateful for. Very few of that same brain activity happens if I’m scrolling through my phone or computer. Sure, I can get ideas or find inspiration in what I see, but it’s that time away from my screens where my mind really gets fired up. And that goes for the relationships in my life as well. Because I’ve moved many times and traveled a lot for work, my devices easily keep me connected to those I love, but nothing compares to that one on one time with that those people, something I feel we’re loosing in society as a whole. Yes it’s faster to send a text or leave a voice mail, but it’s that human interaction that leads to deeper friendships and relationships, and, possibly collaborations or understandings that only come from time spent together. Those moments are what make us feel alive, make us feel wanted, loved, a part of and connected to those around us. We as a society seem to be feeling lonelier, maybe if we all made a little more of an effort to spend time with others instead of our devices that loneliness may dissipate, or go away all together.

It’s easy to get distracted by our devices, they’re designed to keep us engaged, but what if we kept ourselves engaged in life and those around us and instead of worrying about how many ‘likes’ we have, or what the latest gossip or news story is, why don’t we focus on what we like in life and choose to put our time and energy into those people, places and things, our hearts, and our minds, will thank us. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you tend to focus more on your devices and screens than in life around you? What is the result of that? How does that help you? How does that hurt you? What can you do to take time away from your devices today and engage with life? Do you limit the amount of screen time you get every day? If yes, how has that improved your life? If not, how do think it will impact your life? Do you feel anxious when you don’t have your device with you or don’t have it on? Why do you think that is? What can you do SLAYER to focus each day on the relationships you have in your life, the ideas, inspirations or ideas you may have that never get the chance to be explored or fully realized because you’re attention keeps getting pulled back to your screen. Turn off your devices today and turn on your mind, you may be surprised what’s in there waiting for you.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Getting There, Not Being Here

We all want to get to where we’re going, even if we don’t know where that is. We seem to want to get there even faster when we do know where we want to go and have been working to get there. We can get so focused on the finish line that we miss all of the days and moments in between, and may miss all those milestones we pass along the way that we should be acknowledging, celebrating and appreciating as we travel the journey to where we are meant to be.

I used to be guilty of this. I was so focused on what I wanted to accomplish that I had blinders on and would focus so much that I couldn’t see anything else, and was closed off to anything else other than where I wanted to get to. The trouble with living like that is that we are living the future, we’re not present and taking in life around us as we go. We can miss a lot when live this way, I know I did, and there could be many signs around us every day that we may actually be on the wrong path, but if we’re only open to seeing the the end result we want to see, we’ll never see those signs, good, or bad, and we’ll keep barreling along, perhaps in the wrong direction. For me, I also was so focused on the destination I wanted to get to because I was trying to force it into being by sheer willpower, and I used that drive to get to where I wanted to go to escape from what was really going on in my life. I thought, if I focused so much on where I wanted to go I wouldn’t have time to see where I actually was, and that the place I was at may actually prohibit me from ever reaching the goals and my dreams. That’s one vicious circle. It wasn’t until I made a commitment to live rigorously honest, and to stay present that I could really, truthfully, live in a way that honored where I currently was and what I was working towards at the same time. It also meant I needed to be flexible. To be open to new ideas and avenues and be willing to amend my plan because there might be something else out there that I hadn’t thought about or even knew about. Since walking this path my goals have shifted somewhat. There are things that remain the same, but because I’ve been open to new ideas and have said yes to things, so many more avenues have been revealed to me and have changed what gives me the most happiness. I wouldn’t have discovered any of those things if I had remained only focused on what I thought was going to make me happy or what I wanted to accomplish. Life will show you the way, if you are open to receiving it’s message.

Take time to look around each day and see what else may be out there, behind what you think you know already is. When you walk through life willing to take in new ideas and new goals you will be directed to where you are meant to be. There is so much more out there than what we can imagine in our minds, we only know what we’ve experienced so far, we don’t know what else is possible beyond that. Let others share their journey with you, be open to what may be out there, and work towards finding your best self, once you’re doing that, you are ready to reach those goals of your dreams. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Are you open to new ideas or do you stay fixated on where you think you want to go? If you’re not open to new ideas, what stops you? If you are open, how has your openness lead you to a place you never would have gotten to if you had continually said no? What have you accomplished that you hadn’t planned on, but because you were open find a new destination or goal to focus on you found another place for yourself? What have you taken a chance on and just said yes? What have you said no to that may have held you back? How can you still find your way to the place you may have meant to be when you said no? Allow yourself to enjoy the journey, there here and now, instead of just focused on where you want to be, because you’re never going to get somewhere by ignoring where you are right now.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Those We Miss

I found out last week that a woman I used to see at the Pilates studio I attend passed away. Her name was Julie. She was a New Yorker with a lot of spunk, never shy to chime in with her opinion. She wasn’t one to warm up to new people, but we hit it off right away with our glances during class, our love of dogs and sharing of political sketches from the last SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE. We never exchanged phone numbers, but would always say goodbye to each other before leaving the studio with a smile and a “I’ll see you”…whatever day our next class was together. The last time I saw her we did just that. “See you Wednesday,” I said, and left looking forward to seeing her the next time we had class together. I never did see her again. I had noticed she hadn’t been coming to class, which was unusual, and assumed she had come down with a cold or flu, it is that season, but after a week and a half had gone it seemed strange that I hadn’t seen her. I was told that she passed away, that she had been found in her home unresponsive. It hit me hard. This woman, who I didn’t know outside of the studio, was someone, in 3 ½ months, I had made a connection with, someone who always made me smile, and someone who come over to me when I was new to the studio and made me feel welcome. Something she was not known for. It’s been over a week since I learned of her passing and it still hits me every time I walk into the studio that she won’t be there. I hadn’t realized how much of an impact she had made on me until she was gone.

It got me thinking. How many people do we have in our lives, people we may see where we work, at our favorite coffee shop, or maybe one of our neighbors who we don’t really know but make an impact in our day-to-day lives? How many beautiful souls do we exchange smiles with, pleasantries with or just look to see if they are there? And how many of them would we miss if they were no longer there? I find myself missing Julie deeply, to the point where often I find I have tears in my eyes when I open the door to the studio for a class we frequently both took. I think back and wonder if there was something more I could have done to let her know how much she meant to me, even more than just a few minutes of banter we would share before or after class, but I think she knew, and I think it meant just as much to her as it did me. I wonder how many people we impact and don’t even know it. I’ve certainly had people, people I didn’t even know, come up to me and thank me for just showing up, for consistently being somewhere and being reliable, for always walking in with a smile, and so I realize that just by being myself and by being conscious of those around me, I may leave a lasting impression on someone, and I try to remember that when even doing the most mundane of tasks, every moment is an opportunity to make someone feel good, or worthy, or appreciated.

The feeling of loss around Julie has taken me a bit by surprise, the heaviness of it, and I know if I was able to tell her today how I felt, she’d probably send back a quick, “ah, get over it,” with a smirk in her sharp New York way, but perhaps my feeling of loss around her was meant to make the impact it has because I need to be more vocal about how I feel about everyone in my life, not just those in my immediate circle, but anyone I consistently see or talk to and let them know what they mean to me, even if it’s the smallest exchange. As they say, you don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone, and that is so true, but what if we make an effort to look at what we do have, and make sure we appreciate those people today, and let them know we do, while we still can. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you make an effort to let people know what they mean to you? Do you make an effort to reach out or be kind to the people you meet, or see on a regular basis? Of those people, is there someone who you would truly miss if they were no longer there? Let them know SLAYER, let them know what they mean to you, share that with them, you never know when it might be too late.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you