letting go

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Happiness is letting go of what you thought your life was supposed to look like and being open to a life beyond what you could have imagined.

SLAY on!

State Of Slay Remaining Who We Are (1)

Pushing Yourself Until You Break

I used to push myself until I broke.

Whether it was exercise, my to-do list, or unrealistic expectations, I was constantly competing with myself to do more, to be more. Sure, it’s healthy to set goals, but not at the cost of your well-being. I thought pushing myself to the limit proved my worth. But it wasn’t sustainable—and it wasn’t healthy.

When You Don’t Like Yourself, You Push Too Hard

The truth was, I didn’t like myself.

I set impossible expectations and used them as a weapon against myself. I’d force myself to work out, even when sick. I’d overschedule until I was drowning. And when I couldn’t meet those unrealistic goals, I’d berate myself for failing. I never let myself rest or breathe—I was always on the go, always one step from a breakdown.

I realize now that this was my way of proving something to myself and to the world. I wanted people to see me as a superwoman who could do it all. I hoped to impress or intimidate them enough to avoid questions. But deep down, I was trapped in a toxic cycle.

Learning to Love Myself—and Find Balance

When I learned to love myself, I also learned to adjust my expectations.

I started practicing self-care, giving myself breaks, and embracing my human limitations. I realized that not completing everything on my to-do list didn’t make me a failure—it made me human. Today, I still feel frustrated when I don’t get everything done, but I’ve learned to let it go. I can always tackle it tomorrow.

Now, I focus on balance. I still juggle a lot, but I make space for flexibility. I prioritize moments with myself or someone I care about. I no longer need a completed list to feel worthy. My worth comes from listening to what I need each day, not what my ego demands.

Honor Yourself and Your Limits

Listen to yourself. Push where you want to grow, but not at the expense of your peace. Set goals and do your best—but know your best will change from day to day. The key is to put you at the top of your to-do list.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you set unrealistic expectations for yourself? List three.

  • What makes them unrealistic? Why do you set them?

  • What can you do to make them more realistic?

  • What can you do to continue setting realistic goals in your life?

  • How do you react when you don’t meet a goal?

  • Do you feel the need to one-up others? Why?

  • Does your ego push you past your limits to exhaustion? What can you do to stop?

Self-love and self-care should always come first. The goals you reach will be sweeter because you’ll achieve them when you’re ready—not when your ego says so.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one small step you can take today to prioritize self-care and set realistic goals?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s support each other.

And if you know someone pushing themselves too hard, send this to them.
Sometimes, the best reminder is a simple “You’re enough.”

The Person Who Doesn’t Value You Is Blocking You From The One Who Will

Why do we stay?
Why do we stay when we’re not appreciated, understood, supported, or loved?
Why do we hold on when someone doesn’t see our value—or worse, tries to diminish it?

There are reasons.
And then there are excuses.

But the truth is this: when we stay in places where we’re not seen, there’s no room for someone who will see us.

When You Don’t See Your Own Value

Before I stepped onto this path, I never considered whether someone valued me—or if I truly valued them. I brought people into my life based on what I needed in the moment. I thought I cared, and maybe I did. But I didn’t value them as whole, spiritual beings—because I didn’t value myself.

I didn’t think I was worthy.
Not of love.
Not of kindness.
Not of real connection.

So I stayed where I wasn’t valued because, deep down, I didn’t believe I deserved to be.

Healing Changes Everything

That changed when I made the decision to get well.
Through recovery, I worked on self-love, self-worth, and self-respect. And with every honest step I took, I began to see my own value—and I started seeking people who could see it, too.

It’s easy to find yourself in a relationship or friendship where your light slowly dims. Where you stop being seen. Where you’re asked to make yourself smaller to make someone else feel big.

But the real question is:
Have you stopped showing your true self? Have you dulled your light to fit in?

Letting Go to Let the Right Ones In

We don’t have to make ourselves smaller to be loved.

If something feels off… if your needs aren’t heard… if blame is being placed on you again and again—it’s time to pause and take a real, honest look.

When someone sees your worth, you’ll know.
There will be respect, support, and a genuine desire to help you grow.

You can’t be open to receive that love if you’re holding on to someone who doesn’t value you.
Let go. Create space. Open your heart.

You might just make room for the greatest love of your life.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you feel valued in your relationships?

  • If not, why are you still staying?

  • What value do you see in yourself today? What value are you ignoring?

  • Describe yourself in 5 words. What do they reveal about your truth?

  • Who in your life truly sees and supports you—and who doesn’t?

You hold the key to who you allow into your life.
Only open the door for those who see your light—and help it shine even brighter.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve reclaimed your worth and made room for better in your life?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s holding on to a relationship that’s dimming their light, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder: we’re worth more.

Forgive Your Monsters, Don’t Let Them Take Anymore, They’ve Taken Enough

There are monsters that live in our past. Some still haunt our present. They take from us. Our joy. Our confidence. Our peace. But here’s the truth:

They only keep taking if we keep letting them.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean making excuses. It doesn’t mean forgetting. It means cutting the cord. Reclaiming your power. Choosing not to carry someone else’s damage on your back any longer.

You Can Forgive Without Forgetting

When I started to heal, I was told I needed to get honest—rigorously honest. That included facing the monsters I had let into my life. And yes, some were people who had deeply wronged me. Others were habits, patterns, or situations I kept returning to even when they hurt.

What I realized? I had played a part in letting some of those monsters in.

Whether it was staying in toxic relationships, seeking validation in the wrong places, or betraying myself to avoid being alone—I had to own my side of the story.

That doesn’t excuse the harm. But it gave me the clarity I needed to say: enough. And the strength to walk away.

You Are Not Powerless Unless You Say You Are

Monsters thrive in silence. In secrecy. In shame.

They feed off the energy we give them—even if it’s hate, resentment, or pain.

But we have a choice.

You can take that pain and turn it into wisdom. You can use your past to protect your future. You can decide that today, right now, you will no longer allow what broke you to define you.

Forgiveness is not a gift to them. It’s a gift to you. It’s how you say:

“You no longer get to live rent-free in my mind.”

The Monsters Don’t Disappear, But Their Power Can

For many of us, the past still whispers. The memories still echo. That’s okay.

The goal isn’t to erase it. The goal is to disarm it.

To say:

  • I see what happened.
  • I know how it shaped me.
  • And I am choosing to rise anyway.

That is real power.

You can carry the lesson without reliving the nightmare. You can remember without re-opening the wound. You can forgive the monster and protect the warrior you’re becoming.

Take Your Power Back

If your monsters still show up in your thoughts, your choices, your relationships—ask yourself why. What are they still taking? And more importantly, what are you ready to take back?

You don’t need to justify their behavior to forgive them.

You just need to stop letting them lead your life.

Forgive what you can. Accept what you must. And then: leave the rest.

There is no space in this new chapter for what tried to destroy you.

You are the author now. And your story gets to look different.

Let your purpose lead. It knows the way.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Who or what still holds power over your peace?
  2. In what ways have you given your energy to the past?
  3. How might forgiveness free you, not them?
  4. What lessons can you carry without carrying the pain?
  5. What boundary or action will help you reclaim your power today?

S – Stop giving power to the past
L – Look at your part with honesty, not blame
A – Accept what you can’t change, change what you can
Y – Yield to growth and move forward free

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What have you learned by forgiving someone who hurt you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in their pain, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Sometimes All Someone Wants To Hear Is, I’m Sorry

There are moments when nothing can be done—when there’s no way to fix a situation or make it better. And in those moments, sometimes all someone wants to hear is, “I’m sorry.” Even if we’re not responsible for what happened, acknowledging someone’s experience can mean the world.

A Simple Yet Powerful Gesture

I think back to my life before walking this path, and how much it would have meant to hear those words. The power of a heartfelt “I’m sorry” is incredible. It connects us, makes us feel seen and valued, and reminds us that our feelings matter.

I remember sharing my story with someone I trusted, and when she gently put her hand on mine and said, “I’m sorry,” it felt like a wave of warmth washed over me. She had nothing to do with the events that led me to that moment, but her simple words were the first real validation of my pain and struggle. It helped me exhale. It helped me start to let go.

Owning Our Part

When we do have something to apologize for, those words carry even more weight. Saying “I’m sorry” for something we did—whether intentionally or not—shows strength. It honors the other person and ourselves. It’s not about weakness or surrender, but about standing in our truth and striving to be better.

As SLAYERS, we’re constantly working on ourselves. Yes, we’ll slip. Yes, we’ll make mistakes. But admitting our wrongs and saying, “I’m sorry,” can mend broken relationships and open the door to healing.

A Path to Healing

There’s magic in those words. “I’m sorry” can be the start of a new chapter, whether it’s in a relationship scarred by past pain or for someone still carrying the weight of old wounds. Sometimes, the apology won’t come from the person who caused the hurt. But when it comes from someone who cares—someone willing to listen and extend compassion—it still holds power. It’s a first step toward healing.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you struggle to say “I’m sorry”? Why?

  • What do you think it says about you if you apologize?

  • Have you ever seen “I’m sorry” as a sign of weakness? Can you shift that perspective?

  • Do you appreciate hearing someone say they’re sorry, even if they weren’t directly involved? How does it make you feel?

  • Do you offer that same compassion to others when they’re hurting? Why or why not?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
When was the last time you heard—or said—“I’m sorry”? How did it change the moment?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s build each other up with honesty and compassion.

And if you know someone who’s been holding on to pain, send this to them.
Sometimes, just hearing those words is a step toward healing.

Living With Unsolved Problems

We all have them—those lingering problems we just can’t figure out. Maybe it’s a situation where someone won’t discuss or engage with us to find a solution. Maybe it’s something completely out of our control. Whatever it is, these unresolved issues can eat away at us.

For years, I let those problems take control of me. I thought I had to solve everything, to my own satisfaction. I couldn’t let things go. It literally drove me crazy, trying to force solutions where sometimes, there weren’t any. I didn’t know how to accept what was or give myself permission to move on. Back then, moving on and acceptance were not even part of my vocabulary.

But I’ve learned something.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

Acceptance Is the Key

Acceptance truly is the key to so many of our problems. Things often don’t look or feel the way we think they should—or the way we want them to—and sometimes, there’s just no way to change that.

For those of you who just recoiled at that idea, this blog is especially for you.

Nothing—absolutely nothing—is worth surrendering your peace of mind for, especially if it’s just to prove a point or make sure you’re right. That imaginary scorecard we sometimes carry around? It’s a heavy burden that robs us of our serenity.

For me, it became a matter of life and death. The things I fought so hard to control couldn’t be solved by me alone. When I finally let go and accepted that, my world expanded. I was able to look outside myself for new possibilities—and I found them.

Some Problems Just Can’t Be Solved—At Least Not Now

Sometimes, there’s no solution to be found. Maybe the situation has reached a standstill, or someone has passed, or circumstances just don’t allow for resolution in this moment.

But here’s the thing: letting something go now doesn’t mean a solution won’t present itself later.

I always say, “Never say never.” I’ve seen miracles in my own life where solutions appeared to problems I thought were impossible to solve.

Find peace with what you can’t solve today. Stay open to the possibility of resolution down the road—but don’t wait for it. Trust that if a solution is meant to appear, it will, when the time is right. Time has its own schedule, and we can’t rush it. Let it do its thing while you continue to live yours.

Protect Your Peace

There will always be things in life we can’t control or solve. If we want to live a happy life, it’s up to us to find peace and acceptance around those things. Do what you can to figure things out—but know when to walk away. Your peace of mind is worth far more than a forced solution.

Sometimes, no solution is the solution. At least for now.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you have a hard time letting things go?
Do you feel like you need to solve everything?
How do those unsolved problems affect your peace of mind?
What would happen if you accepted that some things can’t be solved—right now?
How could that acceptance set you free?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one problem you’re ready to stop forcing—and let time or acceptance handle?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone struggling with unresolved problems, send this to them.
Sometimes, just hearing “It’s okay to let go” makes all the difference.

Setting Them Free Frees You

There was a time in my life when I thought holding onto anger meant strength.
That if I stayed upset long enough, if I replayed what happened often enough, somehow justice would balance itself out.

But the truth I eventually had to face was much simpler and much harder:

Resentment does not bind the other person. It binds you.

And when I finally understood that, everything about forgiveness started to shift.

Because letting someone go was never about them.
It was always about me.

About my peace.
My energy.
My ability to move forward without dragging the past behind me like a heavy suitcase I never unpacked.

And maybe you have felt that too.

When Anger Becomes an Attachment

Holding resentment creates a strange connection.
Even if someone is no longer physically in your life, emotionally they still occupy space.

You think about them.
You replay conversations.
You imagine what you would say if given another chance.
You rehearse arguments in your head that may never happen.

I have done all of that.

And honestly, it was exhausting.

There is a saying that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
I resisted that idea at first because it felt too dramatic.

But over time I saw how accurate it was.

My sleep suffered.
My mood shifted.
My joy dimmed.
And none of it affected the other person at all.

That realization was sobering.

Because suddenly it was clear: I was not punishing them.
I was punishing myself.

Forgiveness Is Not About Letting Them Off the Hook

This part is important, and I wish someone had said it to me sooner.

Forgiveness does not mean:

  • What happened was acceptable

  • You have to reconnect with the person

  • You forget the experience

  • You stop having feelings about it

Forgiveness simply means you decide not to keep carrying the emotional weight anymore.

That is it.

You are not excusing behavior.
You are reclaiming your peace.

And honestly, that is one of the most self loving choices you can make.

My Turning Point

For me, the shift happened gradually, not all at once.

I realized that staying angry kept me anchored in moments I did not want to relive.
It kept my attention focused backward instead of forward.

And I had worked too hard on healing, growth, and self awareness to keep sacrificing my peace for someone else’s actions.

So I started asking myself a different question:

Does holding onto this help me become who I want to be?

The answer was always no.

Every single time.

That is when I began to understand that setting someone free emotionally was actually setting myself free.

What Letting Go Actually Looks Like

Forgiveness is rarely a dramatic moment.
It is often a quiet internal decision.

Sometimes it looks like:

Choosing not to revisit the story again
Deciding not to engage in conversations that reopen the wound
Redirecting your energy toward your own life
Allowing space for new experiences

And sometimes it is as simple as saying, internally:

“I release this. I deserve peace.”

You do not even have to tell the other person.

Often, forgiveness is an entirely private act.

Steps That Helped Me Move Forward

There was no single formula, but there were a few things that consistently helped.

Acceptance

I had to accept that the event happened exactly as it did.
Not how I wished it had happened.
Not how I thought it should have happened.

Just reality.

Acceptance removes the constant mental argument with the past.

And that alone can bring enormous relief.

Finding Growth

Even painful situations carry information.

Sometimes they teach us boundaries.
Sometimes they sharpen our intuition.
Sometimes they show us what we will never tolerate again.

Growth does not justify the hurt.
But it can transform it.

And transformation is powerful.

Perspective

Looking at situations from another angle does not excuse behavior.
It simply broadens understanding.

People act from their own wounds, fears, and limitations.

Recognizing that helped me detach emotionally without minimizing my experience.

Checking What Serves You

This was the biggest one for me.

Does holding onto anger improve your life?
Your health?
Your relationships?
Your happiness?

Usually, it does not.

Letting go often serves you far more than staying angry ever could.

Creating Closure Yourself

Sometimes, closure never comes externally.

No apology.
No explanation.
No final conversation.

Learning to create closure internally is a life skill.

Writing a letter you never send.
Talking it through with a trusted friend.
Praying, meditating, journaling.

Whatever works for you.

Closure is not always given.
Sometimes it is chosen.

Freedom Is the Real Goal

When I released resentments, I noticed something surprising:

I had more energy.
More creativity.
More patience.
More emotional bandwidth for the people who actually deserved it.

Forgiveness cleared space.

And that space allowed joy back in.

Not immediately.
But steadily.

Protecting Peace Going Forward

Forgiveness does not mean repeating patterns.

In fact, it often makes boundaries clearer.

You can forgive and still:

Limit contact
Change how you engage
Choose distance
Protect your emotional well-being

Forgiveness and boundaries are not opposites.
They often work together beautifully.

A Note From My Heart to Yours

If you are holding onto anger right now, I get it.

Truly.

There were times I thought I would never let certain things go.
Times I believed my anger was justified and permanent.

But I promise you this:

Peace feels better than being right.
Freedom feels better than holding a grudge.
Healing feels better than staying stuck.

You deserve that.

Not someday.
Now.

SLAY Reflection

Surrender
What resentment are you currently carrying?

Listen
How does holding onto it affect your emotional well-being?

Accept
Can you accept the reality of what happened without rewriting it?

Yield
What would letting go create space for in your life?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I would love to hear from you.
Have you ever experienced freedom after letting go of resentment or forgiving someone?

Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who might need this reminder, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

The Detachment Of Ego

I was reminded the other day how sneaky the ego can be. It shows up when we least expect it, whispering tales of inadequacy, pushing us to do more, be more, prove ourselves—sometimes even at the cost of our well-being.

For so long, I let my ego lead the way. Even in my darkest moments, when I felt broken and unworthy, my ego clung to its illusion of control. It told me I was too good to admit defeat, too strong to ask for help, too proud to let anyone see me vulnerable. I may have felt like a failure, but I was going to be the most impressive failure you’d ever met.

Even today, when I’m in a better place, my ego tries to step in. It tells me I should be doing more, having more, being more. It convinces me to push harder, to disregard my needs, to ignore the quiet voice inside me that speaks of self-care and balance.

Ego latches on to everything—an achievement, a relationship, a dream, an idea. It clings and demands recognition. But when we practice detachment, we loosen its grip.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

Letting Go of the Ego’s Hold

Detachment isn’t easy. From an early age, we’re taught to chase results: the prize at the end of the race, the grade at the top of the paper, the validation that makes us feel worthy. But what if we measured success not by accolades, but by the intention behind our actions?

Every day brings its own challenges. We wake up with different energy, different emotions, and different capacities. Instead of holding ourselves to impossible standards, what if we simply did our best each day and called that enough?

The ego might shudder at the thought. But here’s the truth: Detachment is where we find freedom.

How to Practice Detachment

  • Notice Your Thoughts: Pay attention to the chatter in your mind. When do feelings of inadequacy or comparison creep in? How do they affect your body and mood?
  • Separate Ego from Facts: The ego loves drama. It makes disappointments feel like disasters. Step back and look at the facts. Are you really failing, or just feeling a setback?
  • Release Expectations: Stay present. Let go of rigid expectations about how things should unfold. Embrace uncertainty as part of the journey.
  • Check In with Yourself: Pause, breathe, and listen to what’s truly happening inside. Meditation, walks, journaling, or quiet reflection can help.
  • Allow Mistakes: Perfection is an illusion. Mistakes are opportunities for growth. When you stumble, see it as a step forward, not a setback.

Freedom to Just Be

When we detach from the ego’s grip, we give ourselves permission to live authentically. We stop measuring our worth by external markers and start appreciating our effort, our resilience, and our humanity.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you place unrealistic expectations on yourself to always win or be the best? Why?
  • How do these expectations serve you—or harm you?
  • What can you do today to practice detachment and self-compassion?
  • Are you influenced by others’ expectations? How can you shift your focus inward?
  • When you fall short, how do you treat yourself? How can you show yourself more grace?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What helps you step back from your ego’s grip and embrace detachment?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s lift each other up.

And if you know someone struggling with self-worth and expectations, send this to them.
Sometimes, all it takes is a reminder: you are enough.

People Can’t Always Be Who You Want Them To Be

We all want someone in our lives to just understand us—to show up when we need them, to read our silent pleas, to fill the gaps we feel inside. But here’s a hard truth: nobody is designed to be your everything.

When we expect someone to always be there, always know, always respond—without communication, without boundaries—we set both them and ourselves up for heartbreak.

We must learn the beauty and the burden of loving with grace and owning our own needs.

Prefer to listen? The Audio Blog version is available here.

Expectations vs. Reality

It’s natural to hope others will meet us where we are. We desire connection, validation, support. But expectations—especially unspoken ones—are traps.

When we expect another to always stay ready, even when they’re fighting their own war, we feel let down. When we expect consistent availability, we forget that everyone has their own life, struggles, and limitations.

And when reality falls short of those silent demands, we start to believe they don’t love us enough—when in truth, they might just be human like us.

Learning to Right-Size Our Expectations

The seeds of resentment often come from expecting others to be what we need without telling them. We assume they know. We assume they’ll show up.

But healthy relationships ask for clarity not mind-reading.

  • Let them know how you feel.
  • Ask for what you need.
  • Accept the answer, even if it doesn’t match what you hoped for.

This is how we protect ourselves from disappointment—not by becoming colder—but by learning truth, honest communication, and respect for boundaries.

When They Can’t Be Who You Want

Here’s what I discovered over time:

  • “Can’t” isn’t always about unwillingness—sometimes it’s about capacity.
  • Being unavailable doesn’t always mean they don’t care.
  • When someone can’t be who you want, sometimes they are doing the best they can within their own limits.

I used to take it personally when people couldn’t show up as I needed them to. I thought it meant something was wrong with me—or wrong with them. But I learned to see it differently: I learned to love them where they are, to protect my peace, and to find others with compatible strengths.

You, Not Others, Are Responsible for You

Expecting someone else to complete your emotional puzzle is heavy for both parties.

Your emotional survival is your job. You cannot force someone to be who they’re not. And when you try, you weaken your own foundation.

You deserve people who can be consistent. But until then, you can be your own constant. You can love others without relying on them. You can communicate your needs, accept imperfect love, and continue building your own inner strength.

Staying Open While Protecting Your Peace

How do you navigate this balance without becoming closed off or bitter?

  1. Stay open to love, even when disappointed.
  2. Keep your standards, but don’t demand perfection.
  3. Allow yourself to walk away when love becomes harmful.
  4. Find multiple sources of support, not just one person.
  5. Own your emotional state: don’t outsource it to others.

People Can’t Always Be Who You Want—but You Can Still Love Well

You don’t have to settle for being used, ignored, or repeatedly disappointed. You can adjust your expectations without shutting down your heart. You can ask for what you need, and learn to accept what people can give.

You don’t have to stop loving. You just have to love smarter.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What silent expectations are you placing on someone in your life?
  2. How often do you feel disappointed because someone couldn’t read your mind?
  3. What is a healthy boundary you can express to protect yourself and the relationship?
  4. Who in your life can you rely on without needing them to be everything to you?
  5. How can you practice self-reliance (emotionally) while still staying open?

S – Stop expecting people to read your heart
L – Let them care within their capacity
A – Ask for what you need—don’t demand it
Y – Yield your peace first before expecting someone else to

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever been hurt by expecting too much from someone—and what did that teach you?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s value honesty over perfection.

And if you know someone who struggles with unmet expectations or carrying disappointment, send this to them.
Sometimes, love begins with understanding limitation.