I never would have believed this before. I thought crying meant I was weak. That I wasn’t strong enough, or brave enough, and I would stuff everything down and use outside things so I wouldn’t feel. I did that for a very long time, until I couldn’t keep all the stuff, well, stuffed anymore. It started to come out, little bits here and there, but I still wouldn’t let anyone see it, I would do anything I could to keep everything stuffed and then would get home and it would all just come out and I would be lying on the floor sobbing.
I talked about learning that it was OK to be sad in my June SLAY TALK LIVE livestream, that someone had to actually tell me that, and it was like I had been given permission to feel sadness in front of others. I had never allowed that to happen before, I was far to afraid of what you all might think of me and what questions you might ask, having spent my entire life fabricating this perfect image of myself, I wasn’t about to blow it with some tears. But in the moment when my friend could see I was fighting back my tears, forcing them back down, and she turned to me and said it was OK, it was a huge relief to let them out, to release the pain, the anger, the sadness, and let myself just feel. It was also a little overwhelming, I had stuffed everything down so long, deaths, break-ups, disappointments, arguments, loss, that it all started to come up at the same time, but, I just hung on and let it out, I let it all out…in front of people. Yeah, I stopped hiding it.
Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t walking through my days with a steady stream of tears running down my face, but when I felt sadness I didn’t try to control it, edit myself, I let myself feel it and told myself it was OK, because it was, and because I was able to do that it brought me closer to people, people who, like me, were also sad, and to those people who had been where I was and were now on the other side, people who understood.
Life can be frustrating, hard, and confusing, and when we don’t allow ourselves to release all of that it gets stored inside, it doesn’t go away, it will come out at some point, and it may manifest itself in odd behaviors, it may turn into sickness or disease, and it very well may keep us from connecting and getting close to the people in our lives. There’s really no winning to keeping it all in. However, busting out in a fit of tears every day at work, is probably not the best approach to either, there is a time and place to let it all go, be mindful of where you are, and who you are with. I know when I was working on this myself, and feeling feelings for the first time in a long time, sometimes things would come up, unexpectedly, and sometimes it was in a business situation, so I would politely excuse myself to the nearest restroom, let it all out, wash my face, and them come back, you do need to pick your moments. But there is nothing like the release of a good cry, when the time is right, just let it all out.
Never be afraid to show your emotions, if you’ve been honing your ‘people picker’ and choosing the right people in your life, those who love and appreciate you for you, they will not only understand, but may also identify with how you feel or may have just been there themselves and can offer some advice, love, and support. Always live in your truth, there’s a reason why we feel what we feel, there could be a lesson there of why we’re feeling that way, and if we stuff it down and don’t address it, we’re never going to move past where we are right now. It’s also a good test, if something, or somebody, has gotten us to point of tears, it, or they, may not be a good fit for our lives, or it may be triggering something we need to work on and have nothing to do with what’s in front of us, but sometimes it’s just that we just need a good cry, so let it happen, get sloppy, get snotty, and let it out.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow people to see your emotions? If not, why? What are you afraid of? Do you allow yourself to have a good cry now and then, to let out your fear, pain, or frustration? If not, why? Do you think that crying is a sign of weakness? Do you see that there can be strength in it? Challenge yourself SLAYER to let out your emotions instead of stuffing them down, allow yourself to cry and to feel your feelings, maybe even share them with a trust friend or spouse, and let some healing begin. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you