emotional well-being

Think of Your Energy Like It’s Expensive—Not Everyone Can Afford It

Recently, Taylor Swift sparked conversation when she said: “Think of your energy like it’s expensive. Not everyone can afford it.”

That hit me—and clearly, it hit a lot of people. Because the truth is, energy is expensive. Not in dollars and cents, but in time, effort, focus, and emotional bandwidth. Once it’s spent, you don’t get it back. And yet, so often, we give it away freely to people, situations, and environments that do nothing but drain us.

If your energy is expensive, why are you letting just anyone spend it?

Energy as Currency

Imagine waking up every morning with a set amount of money in your pocket. That’s your energy for the day. You get to choose how to spend it—on your work, your relationships, your passions, your health. But if you hand it out without intention, you’ll end up broke by noon.

The same is true for your emotional and mental energy.
Every “yes” you say is a withdrawal. Every boundary you set is a deposit.

So when Taylor says not everyone can afford your energy, it’s a reminder to start asking yourself: Who am I allowing to spend my most valuable currency?

Why Protecting Your Energy Feels Hard

Here’s the catch: many of us were raised to believe that giving endlessly is the right thing to do. That being available, agreeable, and accommodating makes us “good.”

But constantly giving, without discernment, isn’t goodness—it’s depletion.

I know this firsthand. For years, I poured energy into people who didn’t pour anything back. I stayed in conversations that exhausted me, relationships that drained me, and obligations that left me resentful. And I told myself it was kindness, when really, it was self-neglect.

Protecting your energy isn’t selfish. It’s self-preservation.

You Teach People How to Value Your Energy

Here’s the truth: if you treat your energy like it’s cheap, other people will too.

Think about it—if you always answer the phone, always say yes, always overextend yourself, what are you teaching others? That your energy has no limits. That it doesn’t cost you anything to give.

But when you begin to value your energy, something shifts. Boundaries get stronger. Relationships get healthier. And the people who truly value you start to rise to the top.

You don’t have to cut people off with cruelty. But you do have to get clear: What is my energy worth, and who has earned the right to receive it?

How to Protect Your Expensive Energy

If your energy is a luxury item, then not everyone belongs in your store. Here’s how you start protecting it:

  1. Audit your energy spend.
    Notice where your energy goes every day. Who leaves you feeling drained? Who leaves you feeling alive?
  2. Set boundaries without apology.
    Remember—boundaries don’t burn bridges, they protect castles. Your energy is the castle.
  3. Stop over-explaining.
    “No” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to justify why someone can’t have unlimited access to you.
  4. Invest in what fuels you.
    Spend energy on relationships, passions, and practices that multiply your energy instead of depleting it.
  5. Rest like it’s your job.
    Because it is. Rest is the recharge that makes sure you have something to spend tomorrow.

The Shift from Pleasing to Protecting

When I stopped people-pleasing, I realized something powerful: not everyone was meant to have access to me. Some people liked the version of me who was always tired, always available, always giving. But that version wasn’t sustainable.

Now, when I say no, when I walk away, or when I don’t engage in drama—I’m not being cold. I’m protecting my most expensive resource: me.

And you can do the same.

Your Energy, Your Choice

At the end of the day, you decide who gets access to you. You decide how much of your energy goes where.

Some people simply cannot afford it—not because they’re “bad,” but because they haven’t earned it, they don’t value it, or they won’t respect it.

And that’s okay.

Because your energy doesn’t need to be affordable to everyone. It just needs to be invested wisely.

So the next time you feel guilty for saying no, or walking away, or setting a boundary, remind yourself:

You’re not rejecting them—you’re protecting you.

SLAY Reflection

  1. Who in your life consistently drains your energy without giving anything back?
  2. What areas of your life feel like “good investments” of your energy?
  3. Do you undervalue your energy by overcommitting or overexplaining?
  4. How can you start treating your energy like it’s expensive today?
  5. What boundary could you set this week to protect your peace?
  • S – Spend your energy where it’s respected
  • L – Let go of guilt when you say no
  • A – Align with people who energize you, not drain you
  • Y – Yield your time and focus to what truly matters

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Where in your life have you realized your energy is too expensive to waste?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s learning to protect their peace, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that we’re worth it.

You Set The Tone To How You Want To Feel

When I stepped onto this path, I was told, “You can just decide to have a good day, and it will happen.” I thought that was ridiculous. Clearly, these people didn’t understand how bad my life was or what a piece of crap I thought I was. But they insisted—and over time, I realized they were right.

At the start, my mind was rarely positive. I had to practice focusing on the good. I began writing down the things I was grateful for—sometimes only one thing, but it still counted. I’d carry that piece of paper in my pocket, and when the shadows crept in, I’d take it out and read it aloud. Just that simple act would bring some light back.

As I got better at it, my mind cleared, and the list of good things grew—as did the light and positivity in my life.

Building a Solid Foundation

To feel good, I had to do good things for myself. Self-care wasn’t just a buzzword—it became a necessity. For me, that meant:

  • Getting enough sleep

  • Eating well

  • Moving my body in some way

  • Connecting with my spiritual side

These were the key ingredients that gave me the best shot at having a good day.

And here’s a secret I learned: even if the day took a turn for the dark, I could still infuse it with light and turn it around. We’re not victims of our thoughts or feelings—unless we choose to be.

Staying Present in Uncertainty

During times of uncertainty, feelings can creep in and derail our day if we let them. It’s crucial to stay connected to what we’re feeling and why. Many times, those feelings point to something we’re holding onto from the past.

Setting an intention for positivity—of staying present and in the moment—cuts those ties to the past. If our mind drifts back, we can acknowledge it without letting it take over.

We set the tone for our day, SLAYER, so let’s make sure we’re setting a good one.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you feel like you’re bullied by your own feelings and thoughts?

  • Do you set an intention for your day?

  • When you do, are you able to hold onto it? If not, what pulls you away?

  • What kind of intention do you set?

  • Can you work harder on setting a positive tone for your day? What steps could you take?

  • How can you pause in the morning and decide to have a positive day?

  • How can you shift back into a positive mindset if negativity creeps in?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one intention you’ll set for yourself tomorrow morning?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to set a positive tone for their day, send this to them.
Sometimes, we all need a little reminder of our power.

Accept The Gifts

For many of us, it isn’t easy asking for help or accepting it. During this time, it’s near impossible to do everything on our own. Life, very often, presents opportunities for us to not only humble ourselves and ask for what we need but also offers a chance for someone else to step up and be of service.

I’ve written before that it’s okay to ask for help. In fact, when we do, most of the time, it not only helps us but also helps the person we ask. It’s funny how that works. Just like when we need to talk to someone about what we’re going through—the person we open up to usually gets just as much out of the conversation as we do.

Releasing the Armor

When I was living in the dark, it was very difficult for me to ask for help. I thought it was a sign of weakness. I was proud to push through on my own, no matter what the collateral damage was. There were times when I’d gotten myself into situations I couldn’t get out of and was forced to ask for help, and I’d beat myself up for doing it. Or, in my twisted thinking, I’d justify it—I thought the help was owed to me because of past grievances, some imagined, some real.

Eventually, I realized that asking for help was not only necessary but an act of courage. That first reach-out was terrifying, but it was also a huge relief. It was the moment I took my power back.

Practicing the Art of Acceptance

Learning to continue asking for help and accepting the gifts that came my way was its own journey. For me, finding acceptance in myself and learning to love myself was the key to accepting gifts from others—and from life. I’m not just talking about physical gifts. Gifts come in many forms: a smile, a warm hug, a kind word.

I had to learn to believe I was worthy of receiving these gifts. I had to trust there wasn’t an ulterior motive and that these gestures were given from the heart. It took time, but the more I learned to simply say thank you and accept them, the easier it became. And the more I gave of myself—my time, my kindness—the more I understood the power of these simple gestures.

Don’t Steal the Gift

When we refuse a gift or brush off a compliment, we’re telling the giver they’re wrong. That doesn’t feel good to anyone. To simply say thank you and leave it at that is a practice of grace. It allows us to learn to accept good things and allows the other person the experience of giving.

Right now, we can all benefit from both giving and receiving. But it’s essential for our spirit and self-worth to practice receiving with gratitude. When we do, it fills our hearts, shows us we’re worthy of kindness, and reminds us we deserve good things.

Don’t let pride or discomfort block these moments. Nothing happens by mistake. There’s a reason for the giver and the receiver, and it may be bigger than either of you can imagine. If you feel compelled to give, do it. If you’re the lucky recipient, smile, say thank you, and know you were chosen for a reason.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you have a hard time accepting gifts? Why do you think that is?

  • What was the last gift you accepted? How did it make you feel?

  • What was the last gift you gave? How did that make you feel?

  • Can you see how important it is to accept the gifts that come your way?

  • Why do you feel others deserve gifts more than you do? Why do you think you’re not worthy?

You are worthy, SLAYER. Gifts come into our lives to show us something, to lift our spirits, or to bring us closer together. Trust that the gifts coming your way are there for a reason. Say thank you, and feel it in your heart.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one gift—big or small—you’ve accepted lately, and how did it make you feel?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s support each other.

And if you know someone who needs this reminder, send this to them.
Sometimes, a simple gesture says: “You’re worthy of good things, too.”

It’s OK Not To Be OK

After a challenging week, I realized I needed a mental health break. And maybe you do too. So, here’s something I want to share with you again: It’s OK not to be OK.

Living Behind a Mask

For most of my life, I was an expert at pretending everything was fine. I stuffed down my feelings and convinced myself that showing emotion was a sign of weakness. Even when I was falling apart inside, I smiled and put on a brave face. I believed that if I pretended everything was OK, no one would ask questions. And I was right—until I couldn’t pretend anymore.

I surrounded myself with people who were emotionally unavailable, people who wouldn’t ask too many questions. If someone did get too close, I’d quietly phase them out. I believed that admitting I wasn’t OK would push people away. What I didn’t realize was that hiding my truth was isolating me—and killing me from the inside out.

The Moment of Truth

Everything changed the day I finally reached out for help. In a place of desperation, I said the words that had been trapped inside me for so long: “I’m not OK, and I don’t know what to do about it.” To my surprise, the world didn’t fall apart. Instead, it opened up. People I expected to retreat actually drew closer. They offered support, love, and understanding. My honesty became a bridge—connecting me to others who were also struggling, or who had found their way to the other side.

That moment wasn’t just about seeking help. It was about reclaiming my power. Speaking my truth loosened the shame that had gripped me for so long. Instead of feeling weak, I felt strong. Instead of feeling alone, I felt connected. And for the first time in a long time, I felt hope.

The Strength in Vulnerability

No one is OK all the time. No one. Yet we hold ourselves to impossible standards, expecting to be strong, unshaken, and fine—even when we’re anything but. When we keep our struggles hidden, they grow heavier. They fester. They become harder to carry.

Sharing your truth doesn’t make you weak. It makes you brave. It doesn’t push people away—it invites them in. And it creates space for healing, connection, and community. I know because I’ve lived it.

A New Kind of Courage

I’m not saying it’s easy. The first time I admitted I wasn’t OK, it was terrifying. But with each honest conversation, it got easier. Over time, I discovered that vulnerability was not my enemy—it was my greatest ally. It connected me to a SLAYER army of people who understood, who had been there, and who were ready to stand beside me as I fought my way back to the light.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re reading this and feeling like you’re the only one struggling—hear me now: You’re not alone. We all have days when we’re not OK. And when those days come, it’s not a failure. It’s a sign to reach out, to lean on others, and to remember that you don’t have to carry it all by yourself.

Speak your truth. Share your struggle. And know that in doing so, you’re taking the first step toward healing.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • When you’re not OK, do you share that with others?

  • If you don’t, why not? What are you afraid of?

  • Are these fears based on facts, or imagined outcomes?

  • Who in your life do you trust to share your truth with?

  • Think of a time when you shared your truth. How did it feel?

  • If you’ve never shared, I challenge you to start today.

  • Remember: It’s OK not to be OK, and just saying so gets you on the road to recovery. Take that step, SLAYER.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What has helped you feel more comfortable sharing when you’re not OK?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who needs this reminder, send this to them.
Sometimes, knowing they’re not alone makes all the difference.

If It Costs You Your Peace It’s Too Expensive

I used to let my stubbornness steal my peace.
If there was something I wanted, I was hellbent on making it happen—no matter the cost. I believed that pushing, forcing, and controlling the outcome was how you “won.” But all I really won was anxiety, burnout, and a whole lot of frustration.

Peace?
I didn’t even know what that looked like. And in my mind, if I had to sacrifice it to get what I wanted, so be it.

I also let relationships rob me of my peace. I gave them too much power, placed too much value on maintaining certain connections—whether or not they were good for me.
My life was one big internal tug-of-war between what I wanted and what was actually happening.

I was never at peace. And I didn’t realize just how much that was costing me.

Peace Is the New Priority

When I started this path, I was told something that stuck with me:
Your peace is more important than anything you’re chasing.

At first, I wasn’t sure how to take that. I thought it meant giving up. But it didn’t. It meant shifting my priorities—choosing myself.

It didn’t mean stop going after what I want. It meant not letting the pursuit of it wreck me in the process.

If what I’m chasing is costing me my peace?
It’s too expensive.

That became my new measuring stick.

When the Price Is Too High

When I feel anxiety start to build, when I feel myself getting defiant, angry, or obsessive—I know.
Whatever I’m chasing has tipped the scale.
It’s no longer about the goal—it’s about control.
And that’s when I have to step back.

This way of thinking was completely foreign to me at first.
I used to believe that pushing through the pain, sacrificing myself for the win, was what strength looked like.
I thought that was self-care—doing whatever it took to succeed.

But it wasn’t self-care. It was self-abandonment.
And I didn’t know the difference until I got honest about what peace actually meant.

Real Peace Is Rooted in Self-Love

Today, I know better.

True self-care doesn’t bulldoze you to the finish line.
It doesn’t demand you give up your mental, emotional, or spiritual well-being in the name of achievement or connection.

Real peace is quiet.
Gentle.
Steady.
And the more I protect it, the more clarity I have.

I no longer force things into being.
I no longer chase what isn’t meant for me.
I no longer need to prove I’m right or make something “work” when every sign tells me it’s not aligned.

That doesn’t mean I don’t work hard. I do.
It just means I work in a way that doesn’t betray myself in the process.

Peace Over Proving

Now when something feels “off,” I pause. I check in with myself.
Is this discomfort a sign I’m stepping out of my comfort zone—or is it warning me that my peace is at risk?

There’s a difference.

One is growth. The other is self-sacrifice.

Today, I choose peace. I protect it. I guard it like the sacred thing it is—because I’ve learned that nothing I want is worth losing it.

So when something feels forced or frantic, I ask myself:
Is it costing me my peace?
If the answer is yes, then it’s not worth it.

SLAY Reflection: Is It Worth Your Peace?

  1. What things or people are you allowing to steal your peace right now?
    What’s the result of that?
  2. Why do you continue to chase things at the cost of your well-being?
    Is it a habit, fear, or need for control?
  3. What does peace actually feel like for you?
    And when was the last time you truly felt it?
  4. What boundaries could you set to protect your peace more consistently?
    What might change if you did?
  5. What can you do today—right now—to honor your peace above all else?
    Because it is not replaceable.

    Call to Action: Join the Conversation

    I’d love to hear from you.
    What’s one thing you’ve had to walk away from in order to protect your peace?
    Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

    And if you know someone who’s struggling to choose peace over pressure, send this to them.
    Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Willingness: The Key To Change

Before there’s change, before there’s healing, before there’s transformation—there’s willingness.

Not certainty. Not a roadmap. Not a plan. Just the smallest shift that says: maybe there’s another way. That shift is the spark that lights the path forward.

The Power of Being Open

Willingness isn’t a commitment—it’s a crack in the door. A whisper of possibility. A softening where there once was resistance.

Change is hard. Growth can be uncomfortable. And yet, when we allow ourselves to be open—to just consider a new perspective—we invite in something powerful. We make space for clarity, connection, healing.

When I first stepped onto the path of recovery, I wasn’t ready to overhaul my life. I didn’t have all the answers. But I was willing. And that willingness brought people into my life I never expected. It helped me find tools I didn’t know I needed. And slowly, my world expanded. It got bigger, brighter, and full of light.

It wasn’t easy. In fact, it almost didn’t happen. I had reached a point so low, I could barely imagine a way forward. But in that moment, the tiniest willingness cracked through the darkness—and everything changed from there.

What Willingness Actually Looks Like

We often think willingness means taking big leaps. But really, it’s more like:

  • Saying, “Maybe I don’t have all the answers.”
  • Being open to new tools, even if they feel unfamiliar.
  • Letting someone help you—really help you.
  • Admitting something isn’t working the way you hoped.

Willingness makes life bigger. It breaks us out of the echo chambers in our heads and says, “What if there’s more?”

The Shift That Changes Everything

Willingness is not about setting an entire plan in motion. It’s about being open to the idea that something might be possible.

That maybe you don’t have to keep living under the weight of what’s not working. That maybe your life could feel lighter. That maybe there’s help—and healing—available to you.

When you’re willing, you become a magnet for the right people, places, and opportunities. You notice support instead of deflecting it. You welcome answers instead of defending limitations. You shift from surviving to slowly, gently, learning to thrive.

I Still Choose Willingness Every Day

Even now, years into this journey, willingness remains one of my most powerful tools. Every time I fall, every time I face something unfamiliar, I remind myself: I just have to be willing. Not perfect. Not fearless. Just willing.

Because willingness invites the Universe to show up. It creates space for grace. And that space? It’s often where the biggest breakthroughs begin.

So wherever you are today, ask yourself: Am I willing?

You don’t have to say yes to everything. You don’t have to commit to a massive shift. But if you can find even a flicker of willingness, that might just be enough to change everything.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What does willingness mean to you?
  2. Are there areas of your life where you’ve been closed off to change?
  3. What’s one thing you might be willing to consider today?
  4. How might your life shift if you simply stayed open?
  5. What scares you about being willing—and what excites you about it?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Start small—openness begins with a thought
  • Let go of the need to have all the answers
  • Allow yourself to explore, not commit
  • You are allowed to grow at your own pace

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one area of your life you’re willing to shift?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to take the first step, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Happiness

News flash, SLAYER – you’re not responsible for other people’s happiness! I spent so much of my life trying to make or keep everyone else happy. It wasn’t until I started this journey that someone told me my real responsibility was to make sure I was happy. At first, it felt selfish.

It was pointed out that my efforts to make others happy were sometimes rooted in wanting something in return – even just acknowledgment. I wasn’t doing it purely from the goodness of my heart. Instead, I was trying to fill my own void or prove I was a “good” person.

The People-Pleaser Pattern

As a kid, I constantly tried to make my parents happy. I wore that effort like a badge of honor. Even into adulthood, that need to please followed me. I thought if I could make someone happy, that would mean I had worth. But what it really meant was putting others’ feelings ahead of my own, neglecting my needs, and losing my voice.

I’d martyr myself when my efforts weren’t appreciated. I’d lash out or resent the person for not seeing what I was doing for them. But the truth is, I was trying to do someone else’s job—their happiness—and ignoring the work I needed to do for my own.

Happiness Is an Inside Job

Here’s the reality: we’re all responsible for our own happiness. No one else can do it for us. Sure, it’s lovely when someone does something that makes us feel good. But relying on others to provide our happiness is like expecting someone to go to work for you while you still cash the paycheck.

Happiness comes from within. It’s about being authentic, living our truth, and knowing what lights us up. It’s about asking for what we need without fear and showing compassion for others while still prioritizing our own joy.

Shifting the Narrative

Doing nice things for others can bring happiness—it feels good to spread love. But it should nourish, not replace your happiness. Sometimes, seeing what makes others happy can reveal what makes us happy. But one should never replace the other.

Start identifying what makes you happy. Explore, try new things, say yes. Your happiness shouldn’t hinge on someone else’s feelings. When you make yourself a priority, that joy spills over to those around you—authentically and without strings.

Happiness Is Contagious (But Starts With You)

Our path is about finding what makes our hearts shine. It’s okay to do things we don’t want to do sometimes, but not at the expense of our own happiness. When we cheat ourselves, we also cheat others of finding their happiness.

Fill your life with what brings you joy. And by making your happiness a priority, you might just inspire others to do the same. See how that works?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflection Questions

  • Do you put others’ happiness before your own?

  • Why do you think you do that?

  • Do you believe you deserve to be happy? (You do!)

  • What truly makes you happy?

  • How can you challenge yourself to prioritize your happiness today?

Happiness is your job, SLAYER. Make it a priority. SLAY on.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ll prioritize your happiness today?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to put themselves first, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.