Some of us have invested a lot in our suffering over the years. For some of us it has become our identity, the fabric of who we are, and how we present ourselves to the world. But what is it really getting us? How is it helping us? It’s not.
We may feel it protects us, we may feel we belong there, we may not know how not to live without our suffering, we maybe be told it’s what we deserve, we may tell ourselves that we deserve it, we may not even know we’re living in our own suffering. I used to fall into a few of these scenarios, but I mostly identify with feeling that I belonged there and playing the martyr. I always thought I was hard done by, that bad things were constantly happening to me and I played the victim, but then I would also tell myself that I deserved them. Therein was the insanity of my brain. But I had invested a lot in my suffering, and when I didn’t think I had suffered enough I created my own suffering to make sure I was getting enough. I also used my suffering to manipulate other people into feeling sorry for me, to get what I wanted. I figured out every way I possible angle of suffering I could to torture myself and to use to gain what I wanted. But when I stepped on this path and I was told I was going to have to let it go, I got scared, suffering was all I knew, and, I had invested a whole lifetime into it, that’s a lot of work to throw out, and, what would I replace it with?
What I did replace it with is self-love, was with respect, with learning who I was, what my voice sounded like, and filling that void with good, something that made my stomach turn at first because the old me, the one who relished her suffering, didn’t want the good to come in, because who was I without my suffering? Without my suffering to hold onto like a life raft, I had to learn who I really was, because when I took the suffering away I was a bit of a blank canvas, so much of my time went into perpetuating my suffering I didn’t know how to bring in the good, and it felt scary to release the bad. But what I’ve learned on this path is that when things feel scary that is good, it means there is change happening, change that is needed, it means I’m walking on uncharted territory and trying something new, and I know from doing it time and time again over the last 12 years that something great always comes out of that. I’ve learned to get comfortable in the uncomfortableness of change. I’ve learned to look forward to it even, crazy right? It’s when I just feel comfortable that I know I’m not moving forward, and it’s easy to stay stuck there, to hang back, to settle in, but nothing great happens when we stay stuck, it’s when we reach out, take a leap of faith, and do what we’ve never done before that the shifts occur, that the magic happens, so now, when I start to do something new, to challenge myself and I start to feel uncomfortable, I know that that’s when I need to find comfortableness in that place, because a new normal is approaching, a normal that I have never been to before, a normal that will become comfortable and take me to the next uncomfortable place.
The key to all of this is to let go of your suffering, your suffering is an old story you used to tell yourself, it no longer serves you, it is holding you back from becoming your best you, of realizing your dreams, of making your life bigger and brighter, and of you realizing that you are not defined by your suffering, you are defined by your actions, by who you are today, but who you aspire to be. Let go of past and step forward into who you are meant to be.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you hang on to your suffering? Do you have a hard time letting it go because you’ve invested so much time into it? So much of your life? What do you think will happen if you let it go? How will it hurt you? How will it help you? Do you see how it holds you back from moving forward? Do you see it’s not who are truly are? You have the power to let it go, to shed your suffering and start anew, to discover who you really are, who you want and are meant to be. You wouldn’t keep wearing an old pair of shoes that are worn out and no longer fit you, so why are you still wearing a worn out story that no longer fits you today? Let it go SLAYER, and find the real you. SLAY on!
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you