When I first began this path, I had to rewire the way I thought—completely.

My mind defaulted to negativity. It convinced me people were against me. It whispered that I’d never make it, that I didn’t belong, that failure was inevitable. And because I believed it, I acted on it. That belief nearly cost me everything.

So when I committed to healing—to getting better, to learning how to love myself and live differently—I had to learn something new: contrary action.

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What Is Contrary Action?

Quite simply, contrary action means doing the opposite of what you would normally do—especially if what you’ve always done hasn’t brought you peace, joy, or healing.

It’s breaking patterns.
It’s pausing before reacting.
It’s asking: What’s the loving, honest response here?

That pause is the magic.

At State of Slay™, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—life is not a game show.
There is no prize for the fastest answer.
And most of the time, our fastest answer is coming from an old wound or old wiring.

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A Different Way to Respond

In the beginning, I had to practice contrary action nearly every time I opened my mouth—or even thought about opening my mouth.
It didn’t come naturally. In fact, it felt strange.
Awkward. Uncomfortable. Like backing down.

But here’s what I learned:

• I wasn’t backing down—I was growing up.

• I wasn’t avoiding conflict—I was choosing peace.

• I wasn’t shrinking—I was showing up for myself in a new, more aligned way.

Old me might’ve lied to get what I wanted, manipulated to stay in control, or started a fight just to feel something.
New me? Learned to take a breath. To tell the truth. To walk away if needed.
That shift changed everything.

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Building a New Foundation

Practicing contrary action gave me something I hadn’t had in a long time: self-esteem.

Every time I did the right thing—even when it felt weird or hard—it built a new brick in the foundation I now stand on.
And once I started building that self-esteem, I didn’t want to do things that tore it down.

Was it always easy? No.
Did I mess up sometimes? Absolutely.
But the more I practiced contrary action, the more I started to trust myself—and life began to open up in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

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10 Ways to Practice Contrary Action

Here are a few simple ways you can try it today:

1. Give someone a compliment when you’re feeling jealous or insecure.

2. Own your part instead of seeking revenge.

3. Take a walk instead of reaching for something to numb the feeling.

4. Breathe deeply instead of lashing out.

5. Visualize the life you want instead of reliving your worst decisions.

6. Remember a win when fear tells you to quit.

7. Take time for yourself instead of saying there’s never enough time.

8. Say no with love instead of saying yes out of guilt.

9. Go to bed instead of scrolling endlessly.

10. Speak about dreams instead of gossip.

Each time you choose contrary action, you’re choosing yourself.
You’re choosing growth.
You’re choosing a future that looks nothing like your past.

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SLAY Reflection: Where Can You Shift?

1. Do you tend to react quickly without thinking?
   What’s usually the result?

2. Have old patterns led you into places you didn’t want to go?
   How did it feel?

3. What could’ve gone differently if you had paused—or chosen contrary action?

4. Where in your life could you try the opposite of what you’d normally do?
   How might that change things?

5. Who can you talk to when you’re unsure how to respond?
   Could their insight offer a healthier way forward?

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Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can practice contrary action this week—especially when your first instinct is to go back to old patterns?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in the same old loops, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a new way to move forward.