There was a time in my life when I thought holding onto anger meant strength.
That if I stayed upset long enough, if I replayed what happened often enough, somehow justice would balance itself out.
But the truth I eventually had to face was much simpler and much harder:
Resentment does not bind the other person. It binds you.
And when I finally understood that, everything about forgiveness started to shift.
Because letting someone go was never about them.
It was always about me.
About my peace.
My energy.
My ability to move forward without dragging the past behind me like a heavy suitcase I never unpacked.
And maybe you have felt that too.
When Anger Becomes an Attachment
Holding resentment creates a strange connection.
Even if someone is no longer physically in your life, emotionally they still occupy space.
You think about them.
You replay conversations.
You imagine what you would say if given another chance.
You rehearse arguments in your head that may never happen.
I have done all of that.
And honestly, it was exhausting.
There is a saying that resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
I resisted that idea at first because it felt too dramatic.
But over time I saw how accurate it was.
My sleep suffered.
My mood shifted.
My joy dimmed.
And none of it affected the other person at all.
That realization was sobering.
Because suddenly it was clear: I was not punishing them.
I was punishing myself.
Forgiveness Is Not About Letting Them Off the Hook
This part is important, and I wish someone had said it to me sooner.
Forgiveness does not mean:
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What happened was acceptable
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You have to reconnect with the person
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You forget the experience
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You stop having feelings about it
Forgiveness simply means you decide not to keep carrying the emotional weight anymore.
That is it.
You are not excusing behavior.
You are reclaiming your peace.
And honestly, that is one of the most self loving choices you can make.
My Turning Point
For me, the shift happened gradually, not all at once.
I realized that staying angry kept me anchored in moments I did not want to relive.
It kept my attention focused backward instead of forward.
And I had worked too hard on healing, growth, and self awareness to keep sacrificing my peace for someone else’s actions.
So I started asking myself a different question:
Does holding onto this help me become who I want to be?
The answer was always no.
Every single time.
That is when I began to understand that setting someone free emotionally was actually setting myself free.
What Letting Go Actually Looks Like
Forgiveness is rarely a dramatic moment.
It is often a quiet internal decision.
Sometimes it looks like:
Choosing not to revisit the story again
Deciding not to engage in conversations that reopen the wound
Redirecting your energy toward your own life
Allowing space for new experiences
And sometimes it is as simple as saying, internally:
“I release this. I deserve peace.”
You do not even have to tell the other person.
Often, forgiveness is an entirely private act.
Steps That Helped Me Move Forward
There was no single formula, but there were a few things that consistently helped.
Acceptance
I had to accept that the event happened exactly as it did.
Not how I wished it had happened.
Not how I thought it should have happened.
Just reality.
Acceptance removes the constant mental argument with the past.
And that alone can bring enormous relief.
Finding Growth
Even painful situations carry information.
Sometimes they teach us boundaries.
Sometimes they sharpen our intuition.
Sometimes they show us what we will never tolerate again.
Growth does not justify the hurt.
But it can transform it.
And transformation is powerful.
Perspective
Looking at situations from another angle does not excuse behavior.
It simply broadens understanding.
People act from their own wounds, fears, and limitations.
Recognizing that helped me detach emotionally without minimizing my experience.
Checking What Serves You
This was the biggest one for me.
Does holding onto anger improve your life?
Your health?
Your relationships?
Your happiness?
Usually, it does not.
Letting go often serves you far more than staying angry ever could.
Creating Closure Yourself
Sometimes, closure never comes externally.
No apology.
No explanation.
No final conversation.
Learning to create closure internally is a life skill.
Writing a letter you never send.
Talking it through with a trusted friend.
Praying, meditating, journaling.
Whatever works for you.
Closure is not always given.
Sometimes it is chosen.
Freedom Is the Real Goal
When I released resentments, I noticed something surprising:
I had more energy.
More creativity.
More patience.
More emotional bandwidth for the people who actually deserved it.
Forgiveness cleared space.
And that space allowed joy back in.
Not immediately.
But steadily.
Protecting Peace Going Forward
Forgiveness does not mean repeating patterns.
In fact, it often makes boundaries clearer.
You can forgive and still:
Limit contact
Change how you engage
Choose distance
Protect your emotional well-being
Forgiveness and boundaries are not opposites.
They often work together beautifully.
A Note From My Heart to Yours
If you are holding onto anger right now, I get it.
Truly.
There were times I thought I would never let certain things go.
Times I believed my anger was justified and permanent.
But I promise you this:
Peace feels better than being right.
Freedom feels better than holding a grudge.
Healing feels better than staying stuck.
You deserve that.
Not someday.
Now.
SLAY Reflection
Surrender
What resentment are you currently carrying?
Listen
How does holding onto it affect your emotional well-being?
Accept
Can you accept the reality of what happened without rewriting it?
Yield
What would letting go create space for in your life?
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I would love to hear from you.
Have you ever experienced freedom after letting go of resentment or forgiving someone?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who might need this reminder, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
