Don’t Judge Your Insides To Other People’s Outsides

We’ve all done it. Scrolling through social media, sitting in the park, walking through a crowd—comparing our inner pain to someone else’s seemingly perfect life. I used to do it constantly. I’d look at all the smiling, polished people around me and think, “How did I get it so wrong?”

From the outside, it looked like everyone else had it all together. Meanwhile, my insides felt like chaos. Shame, darkness, self-doubt—I was living with all of it, convinced I was the only one who felt so broken. I judged myself harshly because I didn’t understand that most people are carrying something they’re not showing the world.

What I’ve come to realize is this: everyone has their struggles. Everyone has pain they don’t post about. And no one—no one—gets a free pass through life.

The Trap of Comparison

When I was in the dark, I couldn’t see past the highlight reels. I didn’t just compare—I internalized those comparisons. I thought of myself as garbage, unworthy, undeserving. And yet, I never considered that others might be hiding their struggles just as well as I was.

I was good at masking my pain. I could look “put together” even when I was falling apart inside. So why did I believe I was the only one pretending? That illusion kept me isolated, and the more I fed it, the deeper I sank.

What saved me was connection. Sharing my truth. Hearing someone else say, “Me too.” That’s when the healing started. That’s when I stopped envying the outside and started healing the inside.

The Power of Sharing

Opening up helped me build real relationships. It gave me community. And it helped me see that I wasn’t alone in the fight. When I started connecting with people who were also doing the inner work—people who had also known darkness and were walking toward the light—I finally saw how similar we all are beneath the surface.

It’s easy to get tricked by the filters, the curated feeds, the constant performance of happiness. But behind those shiny moments are real people with real struggles—just like you.

Let Your Inside Shine

Instead of comparing your worst days to someone’s best moments, take a moment to check in with yourself. Find the light that is there. Talk to someone you trust. Focus on what’s real instead of what’s being performed. And most importantly, be kind to yourself.

We’re all on a journey. Yours might not look like theirs—and that’s okay. In fact, that’s beautiful.

Live in your truth. Let your inside match your outside. And when you do, you won’t need a filter to shine.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do you compare your insides to others’ outsides?

  • What do you think they have that you don’t?

  • How can you bring light into your own life—starting today?

  • What’s something real you can share with someone else this week?

  • SLAYER, write down 10 things about yourself that money can’t buy—and be grateful for them.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you’ve learned by letting go of comparison and embracing your own journey?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in the comparison trap, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that we’re not alone.

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8 thoughts on “Don’t Judge Your Insides To Other People’s Outsides”

    1. Good morning John!

      That’s the point to all of this. We all do look different on the outside, but on the inside we are all very much the same in many ways. When we share with each other we realize we all have commonalities to tie us together, and we realize that we’re not alone, it’s not just us, many of us struggle with the same issues, and together we can work to overcome them and love and support one another, we are stronger as one.

      SLAY on John!

      Have a blessed day.

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  2. Amazingly true. I too, have realized this. You’re words are inspiring. I will be sharing this with some young people I know that can use these uplifting words. Thanks for sharing, being kind and living towards your fellow human. Slay on Carrie!!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Thank you Rosa!

      When we share our truths we find a common ground, and a connection with each other that truly inspires and gives us strength.

      Happy to have you SLAY along with me as we each continue on our journey and destiny.

      Have a beautiful day. Much love SLAYER.

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  3. Second attempt to post since I found out first try didn’t work….. I don’t know if my comment on State of Slay posted. I’m on the highest pain cocktail I have. I go knocked for a loop today. Whether it was my emotions or being out and about so much more than normal or both, I don’t know. But what I wrote was a huge admission for me and one I don’t want to lose because I screwed up a log in. You are welcome to post the comment in my name. Admitting envy is one of those faults that hurts me deep enough that I’m afraid to tell any one. Then it leads to anger and hurt that I would have those emotions or hold someone accountable for something that isn’t their fault in the slightest. God what a wicked circle to have woven over the years. I thought I’d worked through it. *deep sigh* it also leads to such a fear of unworthiness that anyone would like/love me and want to be my friend if they found this ugly side of my out.

    Carrie, I’m using voice to text for third time ever. Usually I’m able to read your posts and identify with them and see my faults but also see how far I’ve come. I cannot my head in agreement with the Slayer says. It’s been a rough couple of weeks with my own health and it has affected me mentally and emotionally. But I can honestly tell you I was absolutely not expecting the gut punch I got from today’s post.

    Because we are supposed to be a family and open and honest and I know some of my sister’s read this I will say that envy/jealosy is something that I have always fought because I grew up in a poor family. Many generations of our families were poor and as the South would say they didn’t have a pot to piss in. We were surrounded by love however, but as a teenager that didn’t help when you saw your friends always getting new clothes and shoes and you were only allowed two pair of shoes for the year and maybe three pairs of jeans for the entire School year. Food was rationed as well, we were never homeless, but only the necessities and nothing extra. Every cent mattered.

    I have never been in a home without love and without support. Even when I married there was little money because my husband also is on the autism spectrum, though we did not know it at the time. We just knew that he was unable to get in a position to climb the ladder to make a secure Financial living like most people. Unfortunately for me I still have the dream of wishing, but knowing that it won’t happen. This afternoon I was reminded that I still have a lot to work on in keeping my perspectives in place. I have a home in which I am loved, dressed, surrounded by amazing creative talent and have all of my needs met. Thank you for the reminder to put the green eyed monster back in it’s place. I’ll remember to take one day at a time and live in the moment in my life and not search for greener pastures. Love you very much.

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    1. Success! It worked! Perseverance wins every time!

      So proud of you for finding the courage, a few times ; ) to make this admission.

      We all have our struggles and demons, it’s easy to forget when ours are at their loudest, but as you said, you have a home where you are loved and supported, and that is everything. Life isn’t about ‘stuff,’ it’s about relationships, and with those, are you one very wealthy woman.

      Sending you much love and light, you took one big courageous step, admitting all of this, but I think you’ll find, the more you do it, the less it has power over you, and that, is freedom. We are only as sick as our secrets, those things we are ashamed of and carry around with us weigh us down, cause us to lower our head in shame, but once we admit them, say them out loud, they loose power over us, and they don’t seem so big, they also, typically, connect us to other people who may also share the same thoughts, guilt, or shame, and that’s where the healing begins, and finding strength in things we used to think of as faults.

      I hope today is a better day, and thank you for your beautiful words.

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