toxic relationships

Examine What You Tolerate

I used to tolerate a lot.
From other people.
From myself.

I let things slide to avoid conflict.
I ignored red flags because I didn’t want to make waves—or because I was too emotionally and mentally exhausted to face the truth.
And so I allowed bad behavior to take up space in my life, even when it was actively hurting me.

But life isn’t meant to be tolerated.
It’s meant to be lived.
To be enjoyed.
To challenge us, to teach us, and to help us grow.

When we start making excuses for the people, places, and patterns in our lives just so we can “get through” them, we’re not being brave—we’re betraying ourselves.

Tolerating the Things That Keep Us Down

When I was living in the dark, I let most things go—unless I was looking for a fight.
And on the days I was angry at myself, I was often searching for someone else to blame.

I played the victim like it was my role in life.
I pointed fingers outward instead of inward.
And I tolerated behaviors in myself I knew deep down were harmful.

That was the first place I had to start when I began my recovery:
What was I tolerating in myself that was keeping me sick?

Justifying What Needs to Go

I had made excuse after excuse for the choices I was making.
One bad decision would snowball into another, and I would justify every one of them.

I ignored warning signs.
I surrounded myself with people and situations that reinforced my belief that I wasn’t worthy of more.
And I used those experiences as proof that I was a victim of life, rather than someone who had the power to change.

Even when good people showed up in my life, I didn’t know how to let them in.
I had grown more comfortable with pain than with peace.
And that realization was sobering.

From Tolerating to Choosing

As I got honest with myself, I began to see just how much of my pain I had been allowing.
And once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it.

So I took a stand.

First with myself—by refusing to continue the behaviors that hurt me.
Then outward—by looking at every person, place, and pattern through the lens of self-love.

If it wasn’t helping me grow…
If it wasn’t rooted in respect, support, or truth…
It had to go.

Letting go wasn’t always easy.
But every goodbye made more space for peace.

The Practice of Daily Self-Respect

Even now, as life moves fast and new challenges arise, I have to keep checking in.
When I start tolerating things that don’t serve me, I feel it.
The darkness creeps back in.
The negative voices get louder.
And I know—it’s time to realign.

Self-love isn’t a one-time decision.
It’s a daily practice.
And part of that practice is examining what you’re tolerating—and having the courage to release what no longer honors you.

SLAY Reflection: What Are You Still Tolerating?

What have you been tolerating in your life that feels heavy, harmful, or out of alignment?
Why are you still holding onto it?
How have your own actions contributed to the pain or frustration you feel?
What patterns need to be disrupted?
Are there people or relationships in your life that take more than they give?
What would it feel like to set boundaries—or let them go?
What excuses have you made for staying in situations that don’t serve you?
Where did those excuses come from?
What would change if you stopped tolerating what hurts you—and started choosing what heals you?
What’s the first step?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you’ve tolerated for too long—and how are you ready to honor yourself by letting it go?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s carrying things they no longer have to, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

When Others Inject Their Fear Into Your Life

It takes courage to chase your dreams. To put yourself out there. To share your truth with the world, especially when that truth has been born from your soul. It’s vulnerable work. So naturally, we hope the people who love us will show up to support us.

But sometimes, they don’t.

And instead of encouragement, we get fear. Not our own—theirs. Projected through criticism, sarcasm, or silence. It can come from the people we least expect, and it can sting the most when it does. Their fear may show up as jealousy, pessimism, or even ultimatums. And suddenly, your moment of growth becomes a moment of conflict. One you never asked for.

Their Fear Is Not Yours to Carry

It’s important to remember: you are not responsible for making others comfortable with your growth.

You are not responsible for shrinking so someone else can feel tall.

We all carry our own insecurities, and when someone projects theirs onto you, it often has more to do with their inner struggle than with anything you’re doing wrong. You are not doing anything wrong by growing, dreaming big, or stepping into your light. In fact, you’re doing something incredibly right.

People who truly love you will want to see you win. Even if they don’t fully understand your path, they’ll respect that it’s yours. And they’ll support you because they care about your joy. If they can’t do that, then it may be time to lovingly step back and re-evaluate who gets to be in your inner circle.

The Subtle Ways Fear Shows Up

Not all fear looks like yelling or outright criticism. Sometimes it comes quietly:

The sarcastic comment
The deflating look
The unreturned text on a day that mattered to you

These passive reactions are just as powerful. And just as hurtful. Because they take up emotional space that you could be using to build, to dream, to thrive. When you’re busy decoding someone else’s discomfort, you lose time and energy that could be spent fulfilling your purpose.

And here’s the truth: people who inject fear or discouragement into your life when you are rising are not trying to protect you. They are trying to keep themselves from feeling left behind.

Let Yourself Rise Anyway

Your job is not to manage someone else’s emotions. Your job is to rise. To shine. To step into your purpose even when it makes others uncomfortable. You can do this with compassion, but you must also do it with conviction.

We rise by lifting others. But if someone refuses to rise with you, that’s not your fault. Let your light shine anyway. You never know who might see your light and be inspired to find their own.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you feel guilty when you succeed and others don’t?
Have you experienced people trying to discourage you from pursuing your goals?
Why do you think their fear shows up when you shine?
Have you ever dimmed your light to make someone else feel better?
What can you do to protect your peace and keep moving forward?

You don’t need to carry someone else’s fear. Let them work through it. Your job is to keep going.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve protected your light from someone else’s fear?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to rise because others are trying to hold them back, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is to be reminded we’re allowed to shine.

The Person Who Doesn’t Value You Is Blocking You From The One Who Will

Why do we stay?
Why do we stay when we’re not appreciated, understood, supported, or loved?
Why do we hold on when someone doesn’t see our value—or worse, tries to diminish it?

There are reasons.
And then there are excuses.

But the truth is this: when we stay in places where we’re not seen, there’s no room for someone who will see us.

When You Don’t See Your Own Value

Before I stepped onto this path, I never considered whether someone valued me—or if I truly valued them. I brought people into my life based on what I needed in the moment. I thought I cared, and maybe I did. But I didn’t value them as whole, spiritual beings—because I didn’t value myself.

I didn’t think I was worthy.
Not of love.
Not of kindness.
Not of real connection.

So I stayed where I wasn’t valued because, deep down, I didn’t believe I deserved to be.

Healing Changes Everything

That changed when I made the decision to get well.
Through recovery, I worked on self-love, self-worth, and self-respect. And with every honest step I took, I began to see my own value—and I started seeking people who could see it, too.

It’s easy to find yourself in a relationship or friendship where your light slowly dims. Where you stop being seen. Where you’re asked to make yourself smaller to make someone else feel big.

But the real question is:
Have you stopped showing your true self? Have you dulled your light to fit in?

Letting Go to Let the Right Ones In

We don’t have to make ourselves smaller to be loved.

If something feels off… if your needs aren’t heard… if blame is being placed on you again and again—it’s time to pause and take a real, honest look.

When someone sees your worth, you’ll know.
There will be respect, support, and a genuine desire to help you grow.

You can’t be open to receive that love if you’re holding on to someone who doesn’t value you.
Let go. Create space. Open your heart.

You might just make room for the greatest love of your life.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you feel valued in your relationships?
If not, why are you still staying?
What value do you see in yourself today? What value are you ignoring?
Describe yourself in 5 words. What do they reveal about your truth?
Who in your life truly sees and supports you—and who doesn’t?

You hold the key to who you allow into your life.
Only open the door for those who see your light—and help it shine even brighter.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve reclaimed your worth and made room for better in your life?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s holding on to a relationship that’s dimming their light, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder: we’re worth more.

Don’t Co- Sign Someone Else’s Bullsh*t

We’ve all done it.
Gone along with something we didn’t believe in.
Put our needs aside to fix someone else’s mess.
Jumped into a problem that wasn’t ours to solve.

And let’s be honest—sometimes, we did it because it made us feel needed.
Valued.
Important.

But here’s the truth: you are not responsible for cleaning up someone else’s willful choices.

When someone makes a bad decision—especially if it’s part of a pattern—and ends up in crisis, it is not your job to bail them out.
And rushing to do so over and over?
That’s not kindness.
That’s co-signing their bullsh*t.

The Emotional Vampire Tactic

I’ve written before about Emotional Vampires—those who feed off our time, energy, and attention.
And one of the tactics they use is convincing you to validate their chaos.

They want you to:

Validate their story
Co-sign their drama
Confirm their narrative that they’re always the victim

You are not required to be a supporting character in someone else’s self-destructive script.

Yes, we all need help sometimes.
And yes, it’s okay to ask for it.
But there’s a massive difference between someone reaching out for support and someone handing you a flaming mess they created—and expecting you to carry it while they sit back and light another match.

Been There, Done That

Before I walked this path, I was very familiar with this dynamic—because I was the one doing it.

I would avoid reality, avoid responsibility, and let things spiral until they became unmanageable. Then I’d panic, cry, and call for help.
And when someone came running? I felt a high.
A quick, fleeting sense of love and validation.

But it never lasted.
Because deep down, I knew I had created the crisis.
And I wasn’t learning anything from it—except how to get better at playing the victim.

That cycle drained me. And it wore out the people around me.
I’m grateful I don’t live that way anymore.
And when I see it in others now, I recognize it for what it is:
a trap.
For them—and for me.

Help Should Be a Two-Way Street

Being supportive doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself.

You can help someone—as long as they’re helping themselves.
If they’re taking action, being honest, and working toward change, that’s one thing.

But if they keep coming back with the same drama, expecting you to fix it while they do nothing?
That’s not support.
That’s codependency.

And here’s the hard truth:
Helping someone who isn’t helping themselves doesn’t help anyone.

If they’re repeating the same mistakes…
If they’re ignoring their own well-being…
If they’re draining your energy without ever filling their own cup…
You don’t have to step in.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step back.

Stand Tall, Not in the Mess

Next time someone comes calling, ask yourself:

Are they asking for help—or a savior?
Is this a one-time situation—or a repeated pattern?
Are you working with them—or doing all the heavy lifting yourself?

If the facts don’t add up…
If your energy is being drained…
If your needs are constantly pushed aside for theirs…

That’s your answer.

You were not put on this earth to fix people who have no intention of changing.
You’re here to build and protect a life that’s worth living—and that includes knowing when to say no.

So the next time someone tries to pull you into their storm, remember:
You can love someone and still choose yourself.
You can care deeply and still walk away from the chaos.