I used to tolerate a lot. From myself, and from those around me. Back then I would rather just let things slide than address something that was bothering me, or even harming me. Either I just didn’t want to make waves, or look bad, or, I was just too mentally exhausted to take it on. I let a lot of bad behavior into my life and a lot of people who hurt me. But life isn’t meant to be tolerated, it’s meant to be enjoyed, it’s meant to challenge us, to inspire us and, to help us learn what and grow. When we start to make concessions for the people, places and things in our lives so we can tolerate them, we disrespect ourselves and chip away at our self-esteem and self-worth. It’s important to examine what we are tolerating in our lives.
When I was living in the dark I let most things go, accept if I was looking for a fight, and, there were those days when I was angry at myself I looked for someone else to pin the blame on so I could focus that anger on someone else instead of looking at my own behavior. I’ve shared many times before that I lived in a victim mentality most of the time, always pointing the finger outward when it should have been pointing back at myself That was the first place I had to examine when I began my road of recovery, what I had chosen to tolerate in myself, when, deep down, I knew better.
I had made excuse after excuse for the choices I had been making and one bad choice after another led to a domino effect that kept me sliding further into the dark. There were many warning signs along the way, but I would still find a way to justify my behavior or the people I was inviting into my life. Subconsciously I was looking for people and situations that would hurt me so I could continue the narrative that I was a victim and didn’t deserve good things. I did manage to find some quality people along the way, but they weren’t enough to undo the damage I was doing to myself and the other situations I was engaging in. When I had to look at my part in my suffering and be truly honest, it was shocking to me how much I had done to myself. I had to take a stand with myself first, to not tolerate behavior that was not loving to myself or would impede my growth, then, I had to look outward, at those people, places and things that I had chosen to invite in. I had to put everything and everyone through the filter of self-love, where the people in my life and situations contributing to my new way of life and my growth, or was I tolerating old and destructive behaviors to keep myself down? I had to get serious and anything that did not nourish my growth had to go. And as scary as saying goodbye to some of the friends or things I had used to keep myself down in the past was, it felt freeing to let go of what used to hold me down. Today, life is moving at a rapid pace, and it can be easy for me to push things aside that may be harming me, or I don’t feel I have time to address, but when I do that darkness starts to creep back in and the negative thinking gets louder in my head inviting me to lean back into old behaviors, it is important to continue to examine my part and continue to be diligent in practicing self-love and acts of love every day.
We have the choice each day to look at what we tolerate in our lives and to cut those people, places and things out of our lives if they do not serve our greater good. We may make excuses that we need them, or we don’t want to let anyone down, but you let yourself down but hanging on. We are the only ones that stand in the way of our freedom, let yourself go. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: What do you tolerate in your life? How does what you tolerate hurt you? How many of the things you tolerate are your own actions? What can you do to change or improve that? How many of them come from other people? What can you do to change or improve that? Are you afraid to make positive changes in your life? Why? Do you think you deserve the best of what you can offer yourself? If not, why not? If you do, what can you do to improve things even more? To tolerate means we are giving allowances to something we do not agree with, why would we allow that in our own lives? If it doesn’t honor you it doesn’t deserve you.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you