PersonalGrowth

Is The Pain Of Change Greater Than The Pain Of Staying The Same?

Lately, with more free time at home, many of us are noticing those areas of our lives that might need some attention. With fewer distractions from the outside world, those lingering issues—things we were able to push aside before—are now front and center. It’s like life has paused just long enough for us to see what we’ve been avoiding.

For so long, I was a master at avoiding change. I could dig my heels in so deeply that I almost got stuck in place. Fear, low self-esteem, and shame had me convinced that if I ignored the signs, they would just fade away. But of course, they didn’t.
The more I resisted, the more pain I created for myself.

Looking back, I see that most of that pain was self-inflicted. I couldn’t—or wouldn’t—recognize my part in the situation. I told myself that everyone else needed to change, not me. That mindset kept me in the dark and let me play the victim. But what I didn’t realize was that by doing this, I was giving away my power. I was letting my pain control me instead of facing it head-on.

It wasn’t until the pain became unbearable that I finally surrendered. I had to get to that breaking point to become willing to change. And even then, change didn’t come all at once.
It was a slow, sometimes painful process, where I learned to let go of behaviors and patterns that no longer served me.

The Truth About Change

Here’s the thing:
Change is rarely easy, but it’s worth it.
Even now, with over 14 years on this path, I still find myself faced with the need for change. Sometimes it sneaks up on me. Behaviors I thought I had conquered creep back in. It’s humbling to admit that I need to deal with them again.

But the difference today is that I catch them sooner. I’ve learned to set aside my ego and get honest with myself. Change doesn’t have to mean chaos—it can mean growth. It can mean stepping into a stronger, more authentic version of myself.

The Choice is Yours

We have a choice:

  • Stay stuck in the familiar discomfort.

  • Or face the temporary discomfort of change.

Yes, change can be scary. It can be painful. But staying the same—living in patterns that no longer serve us—often hurts more. It’s the slow, grinding kind of pain that wears us down day after day.

This time in the world is an opportunity. We’re all experiencing shifts and uncertainty. Why not use this moment to make the changes we know we need to make? Why not come through this better, stronger, and more aligned with who we want to be?

SLAY OF THE DAY

Do you wait for the pain to become unbearable before you change?
Why do you wait?
Do you believe you deserve to suffer? Why?
What scares you about change? What do you think you need to change right now?
What small step can you take today to create a lasting positive impact?
There has never been a better time to break free from old patterns and choose a path that leads to your best self.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one change you’ve been putting off that could bring more light into your life?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s support each other in breaking free from the past and embracing the changes we need.
And if you know someone who needs this message—share it with them.
Together, we rise.

You Can’t Open A Flower With A Sledgehammer

I mean, technically you can—but it won’t be pretty.

That’s true for life too. We can force things, try to speed them up, or push them into place. But more often than not, we end up destroying what could have been something beautiful by trying to control everything.

I spent so much of my life doing just that. Forcing. Pushing. Demanding. Always expecting a different result. That’s the very definition of insanity, right? It wasn’t until I learned to let go, to stop trying to force life to move on my schedule, that I started to see things bloom naturally.

Letting Go of Control

Learning to let things unfold in their own time was not easy. Just thinking about letting go of control used to make my anxiety spike. But here’s the truth: I was never really in control. I only thought I was. And realizing that—finally—was liberating.

I had always been a bit of a bull in a china shop, diving into situations without a plan and then trying to figure it all out on the fly. If I thought of life as a delicate flower, it reminded me to be gentle, to pause, and to let it open on its own.

It’s not about doing nothing—it’s about doing the footwork and then stepping back. My old fear-based thinking had me believing that I needed to control everything to keep the fear at bay. But in reality, trying to control made the fear grow stronger. Letting go, breathing, and trusting the process helped ease the anxiety and made space for the right things to happen.

The Sledgehammer Mentality

We all have wants, desires, and goals. But coming at them swinging a sledgehammer won’t get us any closer. It usually pushes them further away.

It’s easy to forget that everyone else has their own wants and needs too. And maybe, just maybe, what we think we want isn’t what’s actually best for us. Sometimes, when we loosen our grip a little, life brings us something even better than what we were trying to force into place.

So the next time you feel yourself reaching for the metaphorical sledgehammer, take a breath. Step back. Let life unfold. You might just be surprised at what blossoms.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY

Do you tend to force things to happen or do you let things unfold as they will?
Do you come at life like a bull or do you take the time to investigate and thoughtfully move through life?
If not, what can you do to slow down and look at things instead of just charging for the finish line?
Give an example when you used a sledgehammer in a situation and it backfired.
Give an example when you backed off a little and things went smoothly.
What was different about the time you backed off over the time you used a sledgehammer?
Why do you sometimes take out a sledgehammer instead of letting things unfold in their own time?
Forcing our way usually doesn’t give us the results we want, and even if we do get them, often we stomp on someone else to make it happen.
So why not put the sledgehammer down, do what you can, and stay out of the way of the results? You may be pleasantly surprised at what happens next.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear your thoughts.
When was the last time you tried to force something and it backfired? When did you let go, and it worked out beautifully?
Share your stories in the comments. Let’s support each other in learning to put down the sledgehammer.
And if you know someone who needs this reminder, share it with them.
We grow by learning—and letting go—together.

We’re Not Responsible For Our Thoughts But We Are Responsible For What We Give Light

When I first started walking this path, I used to beat myself up for the negative or old thoughts that crept into my mind. I thought I was failing somehow by still thinking them. But what I’ve come to learn—and remind myself of every day—is this: we’re not responsible for the thoughts that arise. We’re responsible for what we nurture, for what we choose to give light.

Negative thoughts will come and go. They always do. But judging ourselves for them only feeds the darkness.

A Journey of “Yes” and the Cloud Analogy

Early in this journey, I made a promise to myself: say “yes” to new ways of thinking. The old ways—the clinging, the control—weren’t working. I even signed up for a meditation class, hoping for relief from the noise in my head.

I’ll never forget that first class. As we settled into silence, a garbage truck began backing up outside. Beep, beep, beep. Instantly, frustration bubbled up in me. How dare this truck interrupt my serenity!

But the instructor’s voice broke through: “Acknowledge the sound. Let it go. Like a cloud moving across the sky.”

That image stuck with me. Over time, I learned to acknowledge the intrusive thoughts, ask if they served me, and then—let them drift away.

Thoughts Are Just Thoughts—Until We Give Them Power

We can’t control what we think. But we can control what we dwell on, what we give voice and weight to. Negative thinking doesn’t make us bad or broken—it makes us human.

What matters is what we do next. Will we cling to those thoughts and let them spiral us down? Or will we choose to counter them with something positive? Something we’re grateful for?

When I catch myself spiraling, I remember the cloud analogy. I visualize those thoughts floating away. I remind myself that I have the power to choose what I give light to.

SLAY OF THE DAY

Do you catch yourself judging your negative thoughts?
What’s the result?
How can you shift that judgment into curiosity or self-compassion?
What triggers those thoughts—and what might they be trying to tell you?
Can you counter them with gratitude or a positive affirmation?
Remember, it’s not about silencing every negative thought. It’s about not giving them the spotlight. Choose what serves you, and let the rest drift by.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear your thoughts.
How do you handle negative thinking? What helps you shift from judgment to self-compassion?
Share your story in the comments below. Let’s lift each other up with real, honest conversations about our inner worlds.
And if you know someone who needs this message today—send it their way. We’re in this together.

Looking Through Different Eyes

Before walking this path, I thought I knew everything—or at least better than most. I saw the world through judgmental eyes, convinced that everyone else was doing it wrong. It was easier to judge than to look inward, easier to point fingers than to take responsibility. My ego told me I was smarter, better, but deep down, I was just trying to cover the emptiness I felt inside—the fear that I wasn’t enough.

That judgment kept me blind. It limited what I was willing to see and locked me into a narrow, self-protective perspective.

Choosing Teachability Over Ego

I’ve shared before that it’s vital for me to stay teachable. It took a long time—and a lot of pain—for me to admit that I don’t know everything, that my stubbornness and ego hurt me more than anyone else ever could. Staying open-minded isn’t just a nice idea; it’s essential for my growth and healing.

When I close myself off, I shut down new ideas, new perspectives, and the chance to improve. This path of recovery and growth doesn’t end with a graduation or certificate. It’s a lifelong journey of becoming, of learning, and of serving.

Being of service means setting aside ego. It means being open to seeing things as they are, not just as I want them to be. When I was stuck in my old patterns, I didn’t care about helping others unless it benefited me. But recovery taught me that my growth and healing are deeply tied to my ability to support and lift others up.

Seeing Beyond Our Own Perspective

We all come from different places, with different life experiences. It’s natural to have a perspective shaped by our journey, but if we only see the world through our own lens, we miss the full picture.

When we stay stuck in our assumptions—what we think we know—we stunt our growth. But when we leave space for discovery, for the possibility that we might not know everything, we create room for connection, understanding, and freedom.

That space in between? It’s where transformation happens.

SLAY OF THE DAY

Do you usually assume you know the truth without investigating?
How has that approach worked—or not worked—for you?
Think of a time when you discovered the reality wasn’t what you thought. What did you learn?
Are you open to continuing to learn from others, even when it’s uncomfortable?
How do you feel when others make false assumptions about you? Remember, it feels the same when we do it to others.
Leave space to grow. Leave space to see.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How do you keep yourself open to learning and growth? What helps you shift from judgment to curiosity?
Share your thoughts in the comments and let’s lift each other up.
And if you know someone who could use this message, share it with them. Together, we can break free from assumptions and open our eyes to new possibilities.

Break The Chains

There are so many chains we build in our lives—chains that bind us to the past, to old ways of thinking, to hurts that never healed, and to expectations that were never really ours. We start building them early, learning from what we see, what we’re told, and what we internalize. Over time, we add link after link until we’re dragging around the weight of it all, wondering why we feel so stuck, so tired, and so heavy.

We cling to resentment, to unspoken anger, to the life we thought we should have, the love we thought we deserved, and the promises we believed would be kept. Those chains become part of our identity, and we don’t even realize how much they’re holding us back.

The Weight I Carried

Before I stepped into recovery, I was dragging an entire lifetime of chains. They weren’t just memories—they were burdens, binding me to people and situations I should have let go of a long time ago. I thought breaking them would be impossible. They were too heavy, too tangled, too deeply woven into my story.

But breaking the chains wasn’t impossible—it was just uncomfortable. It took honesty, a willingness to examine what was truly mine to carry and what I could release. It meant confronting the stories I told myself, the grudges I nurtured, and the fear that kept me tethered.

With help, I started cutting links, one by one. Some chains fell away easily; others took time, patience, and forgiveness. And there are still chains I’m working on—because some habits are stubborn, and some attachments are harder to break.

Learning to Let Go

As I broke free from those old chains, I realized something important: they hadn’t been protecting me like I thought. They were limiting me. They were keeping me small. Letting go wasn’t just about feeling lighter; it was about opening myself up to possibilities I’d never imagined.

It’s tempting to build new chains to replace the old ones, to reach for safety and control in the unfamiliar. But I remind myself that those chains never kept me safe—they kept me trapped.

Our lives can be as free as we allow them to be. The power is ours to break the chains that bind us and step into the light of a new way of living.

SLAY OF THE DAY

Do you recognize the chains you’re carrying?
Are they old resentments, limiting beliefs, or attachments that no longer serve you?
Why do you hold onto them?
How do they harm you?
What would it feel like to let them go?
Start today—cut one link. Your freedom is waiting.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What chains are you breaking right now? What has helped you find your freedom?
Share your story in the comments and let’s encourage each other to keep cutting those chains.
And if you know someone who’s struggling to let go, send this their way. Sometimes, all we need is a reminder that we hold the key.

Selfishness Leads To Suffering

We all want peace, fulfillment, and connection—but we can’t get there by putting ourselves first at the expense of others. I learned this the hard way.

When Selfishness Masquerades as Selflessness

Selfishness, by definition, is lacking consideration for others—being concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. When I was living in my illness, I often operated from a selfish place, though I wouldn’t have admitted it. In fact, I convinced myself I was doing others a favor. But my motives were always self-serving, even if I masked them in acts of kindness. And when we act with impure intentions, even if we get what we wanted, it rarely feels good for long.

The truth? That kind of gratification is short-lived. It may look shiny on the outside, but the emptiness we feel afterward speaks volumes. Selfishness, no matter how cleverly disguised, leads to suffering. For me, it did—over and over again.

Getting Honest with Myself

The moment I decided to get help was the moment I was told I had to get honest—with others and with myself. That sent me into a full-blown anxiety spiral. Honesty meant confronting the wreckage I had left behind, facing the truth that much of my pain was self-inflicted.

But as I began doing the work, I realized something: by identifying where I had been selfish, I could finally stop carrying the weight of guilt and shame. I could make amends—sometimes directly, and sometimes through my actions moving forward. The idea of a “living amends” helped me break free from the belief that I was doomed to repeat my mistakes.

We’re only doomed to repeat what we refuse to acknowledge.

The Power of Motivation

One of the most valuable tools I’ve gained over the last 14 years is asking myself, What’s your motivation? Before I act, I pause. If I’m doing something with even a sliver of expectation, I check myself.

Real kindness, real service, comes with no strings attached. When our actions are rooted in the desire to simply do what’s right—or to make someone’s day a little brighter—we find peace. But when we act from a place of ego, validation-seeking, or self-interest, suffering follows.

That doesn’t mean every decision must be self-sacrificing. It means our actions should come from truth. When you’re honest about your intentions, you create room for growth, peace, and real connection.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect—Just Honest

Even now, I sometimes catch myself slipping into old patterns. That’s okay. Awareness is everything. The difference today is that I know how to pause, reassess, and choose a different path. I don’t pretend I have it all figured out. I just stay willing to learn—and that willingness keeps me free.

We all have the capacity to reflect, correct, and grow. The work isn’t about perfection. It’s about integrity. When your heart is in the right place, it shows.

And when we each commit to doing what’s right—not just for ourselves, but for those around us—we rise. Together.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What typically motivates your actions—selfless intention or personal gain?
  2. Have you ever justified a selfish act as something noble? How did that affect you?
  3. Can you recall a time when you acted with pure intention and it brought unexpected peace?
  4. What steps can you take to check your motives before making a decision?
  5. Are there areas in your life where you can practice more self-awareness and accountability?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Start being honest about your intentions.
  • Let go of manipulative patterns masked as kindness.
  • Act with integrity, even when no one’s watching.
  • You are worthy of peace—and it starts with truth.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What helps you check your motives before taking action?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s working on self-awareness and growth, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Thank You For Being Exactly Who You Are

It might sound strange at first, but I genuinely mean it—thank you. Thank you for being exactly who you are. Whether you’re someone who supports me, challenges me, or doesn’t quite understand me at all, your presence has helped shape who I am today.

Yes, even the critics.
Maybe especially the critics.

Some of the biggest lessons in my life came from people who didn’t support me. They challenged my confidence, pushed my buttons, and forced me to look inward. They held up a mirror and asked me to examine who I was and how I wanted to respond.

Sometimes they revealed parts of myself I didn’t want to see.
Sometimes they uncovered strength I didn’t know I had.

Everyone we encounter—good, bad, or somewhere in between—is part of our journey. Each person teaches us something. Each interaction reveals a piece of the bigger picture. And when we choose to see those experiences as information instead of judgment, we gain wisdom. That’s when the real shift begins.

Let the Good In

Let’s talk about the people who do love us, support us, and root for us when we can’t even root for ourselves. Sometimes they see us more clearly than we see ourselves. Sometimes they love us before we’ve learned to love ourselves. And sometimes, that’s hard to accept.

We’re conditioned to doubt praise, to question compliments, to scan every kind word for hidden motives. We brush it off. We minimize it. We say, “Oh, that’s not really me.”
But what if it is?
What if the version of you they see is actually more accurate than the one you’ve been hiding behind?

What if it’s time to stop arguing with the good and start believing it?

One of the most powerful things I’ve learned on my journey is that receiving love and kindness is just as important as giving it. When someone offers a compliment or sees the best in you, you don’t need to overthink it. You don’t need to explain why they’re wrong. Just pause… and say thank you. Let it in. Even if it’s just a crack in the armor at first, it’s a start.

Discernment Over Defense

And then there’s the flip side—the criticism. The judgment. The negativity. That, too, is part of the process.

We get to decide how much power those moments hold. When someone comes at you sideways, you can pause and ask: Is there truth here? Is this about me… or about them?
Sometimes it’s a reflection of their pain, not yours.
Sometimes it’s a reminder to check your own side of the street.
And sometimes it’s just noise—and you’re allowed to walk away from it without taking it in.

You don’t need to accept every opinion that comes your way. You’re allowed to be discerning.
You’re allowed to say, “That’s not mine to carry.”

It’s All Information

Gratitude isn’t just for the easy moments—it’s for all of it.
The love.
The challenge.
The growth.
The reflection.

When we stop labeling interactions as good or bad and start seeing them as opportunities for understanding, we step into our power. We reclaim our perspective. We make peace with the truth that people are exactly who they are—and they’re helping us become who we’re meant to be.

So, thank you.
Whether you’ve cheered me on or doubted me, whether you’ve stood by my side or walked away, thank you.
You’ve helped me show up as my fullest, most honest self—and that’s a gift I don’t take lightly.

Keep showing up. Keep being you. Because who you are matters.
And the world is better for it.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection

  • Are you able to accept compliments, or do you tend to deflect them?

  • What if you let someone else’s belief in you be the bridge to believing in yourself?

  • Do you see criticism as personal attack—or an opportunity for self-reflection?

  • Can you identify someone in your life who challenged you—and helped you grow?

  • What happens when you stop filtering your worth through someone else’s lens?

S-L-A-Y

See every interaction as a lesson
Let compliments land without argument
Accept what’s true and release what’s not
You are worthy just as you are

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What happens when you stop deflecting kindness and start letting the love in?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who struggles to believe the good about themselves, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

See Yourself Through Kinder Eyes

You may not know this, but you’re awesome. Yes, you. Just as you are, right now.

Before you list off all the reasons why you think you’re not—pause. Take a deep breath. And say this with me: thank you. Say it out loud. Feel it. Because the version of you that exists in this moment holds real value. Is this the final version of you? Of course not. Growth is the point. But that doesn’t mean the current you isn’t worthy of appreciation. In fact, it’s the only place you can start from. And that starting place? It’s already more than enough.

You Are Not a Project to Fix

We live in a world that tells us to constantly improve, upgrade, do better. And while growth is beautiful, the danger comes when we internalize the message that we are inherently broken or lacking. You are not a problem to solve. You’re a person to love—flaws, strengths, contradictions, and all.

What if, instead of zeroing in on your imperfections with a magnifying glass, you looked at yourself the way you look at the people you care about? What if you saw your kindness, your effort, your humor, your compassion? What if, for once, you gave yourself credit for how far you’ve come and what you’ve survived?

Celebrate What’s Already Good

Think of someone you love. Got them in your mind? Good. Now list three things you love about them. Easy, right? Now imagine them doing that same thing for you. Because they do. They already see it. So why not try seeing it too?

When we take time to reflect on our bright spots, we start to shift the internal narrative. Instead of constantly chasing who we think we should be, we start appreciating who we already are. Gratitude becomes the bridge between who you are now and the version of you you’re growing into.

Try this: pick three things you love or appreciate about yourself. Say them out loud. Write them down. Make them real. These are not small things. They’re the roots of your growth.

The Truth About Being “Enough”

You are enough. That doesn’t mean there’s no room for improvement. It means that where you are right now is a valid, worthy, and powerful place to begin. You don’t need to punish yourself into change. You need to love yourself into it.

When you believe you are enough, something magical happens: you become willing to show up for your growth, not from a place of shame, but from a place of hope. That’s where lasting transformation lives.

So thank yourself. Thank yourself for surviving. For trying. For showing up today. Because that kind of self-acknowledgment leads you directly into who you’re meant to become. It’s not ego—it’s truth.

SLAY Reflection: Let That Good In

Here’s your moment to reflect, journal, or simply sit with these questions.

  1. When you think of yourself, do you feel like you are enough? Why or why not?

  2. What parts of you are you proud of? List at least three.

  3. How has self-criticism held you back in the past? How can self-compassion move you forward now?

  4. Think of a time when someone complimented you. What did they see that you didn’t?

  5. What would change if you focused on the good in yourself, instead of only the areas that need “fixing”?

SLAY Acronym:

  • S: See yourself through loving eyes.

  • L: Let go of the critical voice.

  • A: Appreciate what makes you, you.

  • Y: Yield to growth—not because you’re broken, but because you deserve more.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you can appreciate about yourself today, even if it feels small?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to see their own light, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

You Can’t Stay Clean On Yesterday’s Shower

It’s easy to think that once we’ve made progress—once we’ve found a bit of peace, clarity, or healing—we’re done. But recovery, self-care, and growth don’t work that way.

I’ve learned that the girl who nearly slipped away, who thought she was less-than, who let fear and shame rule her life—she’s still a part of me. And it’s my job every day to keep her safe.

Why Consistency Matters

When I hit my bottom, I was desperate enough to work hard for my life. I was all in—committed, determined, willing to do whatever it took. And as things started to improve, as I built a life I was proud of, I kept working.

But then, when life got good, it was tempting to coast. To think I could take a break, let things slide, ease up a little. But that’s when we’re most vulnerable. The fuel that kept us moving forward eventually runs out if we don’t refill it.

We can’t rely on yesterday’s efforts to carry us through today. Just like we can’t stay clean on yesterday’s shower.

Staying Honest With Ourselves

Do we need to work on ourselves every day? Yes. Some days require more effort than others, but we always need to be honest about where we are—about the thoughts we’re entertaining, the behaviors we’re slipping into, and the ways we’re nurturing (or neglecting) ourselves.

When we stop doing the work, the old patterns start sneaking back in. The negative self-talk committee finds new ways to chip away at our progress. Staying in the light requires continuous action.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about commitment. To ourselves. To the journey. To the light.

SLAY OF THE DAY

Do you back off your self-care when things feel good?
What signs tell you that you’re slipping into old habits?
What can you do today to reset and refocus?
Are you overwhelmed by the thought of doing the work every day? Why?
What small steps can you take to keep your light burning?
Self-esteem comes from doing esteemable acts—honoring who we are, staying true to our path, and refusing to let our inner flame go out. Stay vigilant, stay present, and keep moving forward.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How do you keep yourself in the light when life gets busy? What tools or practices help you stay on track?
Share your story in the comments and let’s support each other as we fight the good fight.
And if you know someone who’s struggling to stay in the light, send this their way. Let’s keep the flame burning for all of us.