focus

Do You Want To Be Right, Or Do You Want To Be Happy?

I used to think that the only way to be happy was to be right, so I made sure I was never wrong, at least in my own mind. I would twist and turn things so I could always justify things in my favor, I was the ultimate spin doctor of my life. Even when I knew I was 100% wrong I would find a way to convince you, and myself, that I was right, and if there was something that I felt was unjust in the world or a situation, even if it had nothing to do with me I would find a way to insert myself and I would fight to the point of exhaustion because “I didn’t believe that someone should get away with what they were doing”, but what I was really doing was trying to make up for my own lack of self-esteem and self-worth by making myself feel important when I went into battle.

When someone first said to me, “do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” it had never occurred to me that I might have been contributing to my own anxiety and frustration by continuing to fight battles I had no business being in, or fighting something I couldn’t win, only to satisfy my own pride and ego. There are situations that we can’t change, or have no business changing because the situation has nothing to do with us. There are times we stick our noses into situations just so we can put our boxing gloves on and get in the ring, it gives us a high, it makes us feel important, but it also leads to our own unhappiness and anxious feelings. I’m not saying that if you see someone in need of help not to jump in if you can and help that person, but it’s important in every situation to ask yourself if you belong in that fight, or are you just fighting for fighting sake?

I used to constantly stick my nose into situations I shouldn’t have, because I would say that I was helping, or righting a wrong, or an injustice, but no one was asking me to do that, and in fact, by trying to insert myself into a situation I didn’t belong in I was cheating the other person, or people, the opportunity to stick up for themselves, to find a solution, or to maybe learn to set a boundary for themselves. When we step in to fight someone else’s battles we are taking that chance away from them, for them to grow, learn, and to find the courage and pride in who they are to draw a line or learn to fight for who they are.

So many times I’ve heard people say, “that’s not right,” as they’re bubbling over with anger or anxiety. There are so many things that aren’t “right” in the world, but unless there is something you can do to change or help it, and you’re not stepping on anyone’s toes who should be changing it for themselves, you’ve got to learn to let it go, to find acceptance around it. It’s also nice to ask if  help is actually need, or wanted, before plowing in there ready to raise hell. It’s easy to get caught up in someone else’s drama, but it’s exactly that, someone else’s drama, it’s for them to work out, and unless they’ve asked for help, and even then, it may not be right for you to step in if it’s something they should be taking care of themselves, in those situations you have to step back. And, that may seem like a hard concept to swallow, but trust me, the result is a much happier life, and one of a lot less stress and frustration. I always try to keep my side of the street clean, but I also take a look at each situation and assess whether it’s actually on my street, or on the next block or city and I’m just crashing in to stir up trouble under the guise of “helping.”

Is putting our happiness on the line worth being “right?” It’s not. We as SLAYERS need to take care of ourselves, and sometimes the better option is to just take a step back and not get involved where we don’t belong, every battle is not our battle to fight, and sometimes even if it is our battle, it’s about taking the higher ground and learning to step away if it saves us from suffering at the expense of a battle that isn’t that important to fight in the first place. We fight for ourselves and those we love when it’s necessary, but learn to not pick up that sword for each and every fight we come across. It goes back to self-care, as warriors it’s just as important to take care ourselves and our own needs, to replenish, refresh, and rest, more than it is to slay ever dragon to comes our way.  Make sure you’re fighting the right battles SLAYER.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel like you have to go to battle for every thing you feel is unjust or not right? Why do you feel you need to do that? Do you see that some times the better option for yourself may be to not engage? Ask yourself SLAYER, next time you feel like you need to jump into the ring, is this your battle to fight, or are you taking the job away from someone else who should be fighting the battle for themselves? If asked, or it’s appropriate, we as SLAYERS do step in to help, but not at the expense of our own mental health and well-being.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Slayer Say

Good morning SLAYER! Starting off the week with a to-do list? Here’s a start.

New blog goes up Tuesday, until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Breathe

If You Breathe Out, You’ll Breathe In

When I get stressed or worried about something my breath gets shallow, or, I hold my breath. Breathing in stressful situations is something I’ve had to learn to do, and still have to make a conscious decision to focus on when life gets challenging. When we don’t take in enough air our brain starts to fire rapidly and we’re not able to make rational decisions. I practice yoga to learn to breathe, to practice breathing in uncomfortable or strenuous situations, and I’ve learned that when it comes to walking through things with grace, it’s all about the breath. If I’m breathing properly I can walk through anything, I feel calm, and able to rationally work through whatever comes my way.

The idea of breathing out to breathe in also symbolic for life on our journey for SLAYDOM. When we exhale the bad stuff, the stuff we don’t need, the stuff that doesn’t serve us, the stuff we let go, we inhale fresh air, we inhale the good stuff, we fill our lungs and our brain with the air it needs to keep us steady on our path. Sometimes it’s just easier to think of exhaling first rather than inhaling, so I focus on that when I notice my breath gets shallow, if I exhale, I’ll automatically inhale, and start a better flow of oxygen.

I also envision all the negative, the bad, the frustrations exhaling out of my body as I’m doing it, I try to see it and really let it go. I often will say to myself, exhale the bad shit, inhale the good shit, and I’ll keep saying that over and over as I do it until I start to breathe deeply on my own, and for me the good shit is the light, it’s my higher power, the force that guides me, protects me, and wants the best for me. I envision that coming in, filling me up, and circulating through my body. When I do this, my anxiety, my stress, goes down, and I just continue to focus on that until I feel I can move on.

It’s a great trick to remember when you feel anger, or anxiety, or frustration creep up, to visualize it leaving your body, to visualize that you’re forcing it out, to make room for something better. I’ve spoken about this before, but a trick I use is I put one hand on my abdomen and one hand on my heart, and as I’m breathing, I focus on only moving the hand on my abdomen because if that hand is moving that means I am breathing deeply, and correctly, and it always calms me down. A good one to do when you’re lying in bed, or while you’re stuck in traffic.

Since, for many of us, our mind goes to the negative before the positive, it’s a concept that seems to work for a lot of us, to focus on the exhale before the inhale, sometimes it’s just easier to get rid of something before we’re able to take something in, and by the nature of our bodies, if we do exhale we will automatically inhale and set ourselves up to get that oxygen flow, and positivity flowing throughout our bodies.

Get rid of the bad, and take in the good. Breathe SLAYER breathe.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you notice a difference in your breath when you’re feeling anxious or stressed out? Do you focus on breathing deeply? If not, why? Try to focus on that next time you feel that stress creep up, that tightening of the throat and chest, try a big exhale and inhale, envisioning letting out the bad, and taking in the good. Continue to be mindful of your breath SLAYER, it is our breath that gives us life, and also gives us a calmness we can use to walk through any circumstance. SLAY on!

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you