contribution

What Can You Do To Contribute To Life?

This is a question I ask myself every single day.

It’s the question that grounds me, guides me, and pushes me forward—especially on the days when I feel stuck. It’s what led me to start this blog years ago, and what continues to lead me through my recovery and beyond:

What can I contribute to life—today?

From Survival to Service

When I began my journey in recovery, I was surrounded by support—more than I expected, and more than I felt I deserved. I was told early on how important it was to give back. And I did. But it wasn’t until I survived a night I shouldn’t have that I truly understood what that meant.

That night changed everything.

Working through the survivor’s guilt was heavy. But eventually, I asked myself a new question—not why I survived, but how I was going to use that survival to make a difference. That shift pulled me out of guilt and into action.

Today, it’s still what gets me out of my own head. When I ask, “How can I be of service?”, I’m no longer obsessing over what I lack, who hurt me, or what I wish was different. I’m shifting my energy outward—into purpose, into connection, into change.

The Ego Step-Aside

When we approach our day with a heart of service, we get a powerful gift in return: perspective.

Instead of reacting out of ego or trying to control a situation that isn’t ours to fix, we can pause and ask, Is there a way I can contribute here? And sometimes, the answer is to step back. Not every contribution is loud. Sometimes it’s simply holding space, offering silence, or choosing not to escalate a moment that’s not about us.

That humility keeps us grounded. It keeps us teachable. And it reminds us that our greatest impact isn’t in being right—it’s in being present.

Why We’re Here

I believe we’re here to help each other.

To lift each other.
To challenge each other.
To remind each other what love and support feel like.

When we stay self-centered, we cut ourselves off from that connection. We lose the gift of being part of something bigger. But when we stay open to giving—whether it’s our time, our wisdom, or simply our kindness—we stay rooted in community, perspective, and purpose.

When you ask how you can contribute to life, life responds.

Even on our hardest days, we have something to offer. Something to give. A kindness to share. A light to pass along. And when we choose to shine that light outward, it often finds its way back to us—brighter than before.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

Do you ask yourself what you can give, rather than what you need?

  • What do you do each day to contribute to the world around you?

  • If you don’t yet, what’s one small way you could start?

  • Have you noticed a shift in your mindset when you act in service?

  • How has giving back changed your life, your relationships, or your attitude?

  • What part of your story could help someone else feel seen or supported?

We’re not here to do life alone. Contribution connects us. Let’s start showing up—for each other.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can contribute to life today—no matter how big or small?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s feeling stuck or unmotivated, send this to them.
Sometimes, the shift we need is in simply asking a better question.

Slay Say

Good morning SLAYER! Too many of us are not living our dreams because we’re living our fears.

New blog goes up Tuesday,  until then…SLAY on!

State Of Slay Fear Inflicted

Fear Of Success

I’ve talked a lot about fear, and how fear ruled my life before stepping on this path. Fear can take many forms, and it can be quite cunning in disguising itself as others things, it can also pop up and get in the way of our success. Fear of success as another type of fear I also experienced.

I always had dreams, hopes, and goals I worked toward, and, even in my disease I accomplished a lot, but I did suffer from fear in regards to those successes. That fear came up for a number of reasons. I feared and believed I didn’t really deserve success, that I wasn’t good enough and that if I succeeded it would be short-lived because I would be found out as a fraud. I feared that if I found success that others would not like me and I would lose friends or feel ostracized. I feared that if I found success that others might feel that I was showing off, and if I celebrated that success, bragging about what I had accomplished. And I feared that if I found success that I still wouldn’t be happy. That’s a lot of fear trying to derail the things I wanted and worked for in my life. Looking at that all in print, it’s amazing I found any success at all, and when I did I would mostly downplay it as a fluke, or luck, which, of course wasn’t the case, I was working hard for those successes, but because of all the fear I was carrying around I was also afraid to give myself credit.

Fear of success can form from many sources. Some of us may have been told we can’t accomplish those things we want, we may have failed and were embarrassed by not accomplishing our goal, or we may not want to be more successful than those around us. We let outside forces rob us of success, and we let our own internal voice rob us of success. We are all meant to succeed. We are here to grow, learn, and find success in whatever given area we excel at, or find interest in. We are all worthy of success, not only for ourselves, but for everyone else we may touch by our success, or what that success may offer us and those around us. In a sense, it is our duty to succeed, because it’s not just about us, it’s about how we contribute to society as a whole, and our success just might inspire someone else to go out and find theirs. And what if we fail? So what if we fail. All of the most successful people, in any given field, have failed, and many, found their greatest success in those failures, so you have to trust the process and not doubt who you and what you have to offer. What you choose to focus on, what you are looking to succeed in is not an accident, you are destined to aspire to it, so to sabotage your own success because of your fear means you’re are not reaching your destiny, or your full potential, you are telling the universe, God, whatever, or whomever, you believe in, that they are wrong by not succeeding and by denying your talents.

Fear of success can be an invisible enemy, because while we are building something with one hand we may also be tearing it down with the other hand and not even realizing we’re doing it. It’s about believing that we can and will succeed, that we need to do our part for humanity, to contribute what we can give back by our success. Our success isn’t just about us, it fits into the bigger picture, and so when you may think that you don’t deserve success, you not only take that away from yourself, but everyone who may have benefited by accomplishment. Get to work SLAYER, you are destined for success. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel that you are worthy of success? If not, why not? If you do, why do you feel you are? Write down an example of a time you got in the way of your own success. Write down a time when you did succeed. How did that success make you feel? How, also, did your success affect others? What good came from that success? What good came to others from your success? It’s up to you to believe you deserve to succeed, and to not get in your own way of that success. You are not your past, you are working and moving forward to succeed and to be exactly were you are meant to be, successfully.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

Are You A Navel Gazer?

There’s a danger in looking inward too much—when your world becomes a mirror that shows only your problems, your pain, your fears. That’s what it means to be a navel gazer: constantly watching yourself, magnifying your flaws, and forgetting there’s a wider world that offers both perspective and relief.

But when we only gaze inward, we isolate ourselves from life, community, and meaning. We inflate our burdens and lose sight of the beauty around us. The antidote? Turn your gaze outward. Let your life breathe again in connection, contribution, and service.

The Mirage of Self-Focus

When you’re stuck in your head, every error feels fatal. Every criticism feels crushing. Every setback feels permanent. You spin—overthinking, replaying, analyzing—until your problems look like monsters.

I’ve been there. Trying to figure everything out before I moved, second-guessing every emotion, judging myself for what I felt. The more I did that, the more stuck I became.

Here’s what I finally came to see: self-focus without action is just self-absorption. You can think harder, but unless your gaze shifts, nothing changes.

Looking In vs Looking Out

Looking inward has its place—it can deepen self-awareness, healing, and growth. But only when balanced with looking outward.

When we only look in, we:

  • Magnify small issues into crises

  • Drown in self-criticism

  • Lose touch with what really matters

  • Disconnect from community

When we turn outward, we:

  • Remember there are bigger stories than ours

  • Find wisdom in serving, contributing, listening

  • Lighten our own burdens by lifting others

  • Reconnect with purpose beyond ourselves

The world doesn’t need more perfect self-reflection—it needs your presence. Your light. Your gift.

From Inside Spirals to Outside Impact

The shift out of navel-gazing is not denial. It’s not pretending nothing hurts. It’s choosing when to look inward—and when to look outward.

Here’s what it looked like for me:

  • When pain surfaced, I wrote it out. Then I stepped outside my four walls and asked someone else how their day was.

  • When fear whispered, I visited someone I knew needed encouragement—and I encouraged them.

  • When shame rolled in, I shared a fragment of truth with a trusted friend—I turned inward language into outward connection.

I found that the more I did that, the less power my internal spirals had. The more I engaged in life, the smaller my worries seemed in comparison to what we could create together.

Step Outside Your Gaze

You don’t have to live life wrapped up in your own thoughts. Here are ways to shift your gaze outward, even when you feel pulled inward:

  1. Serve Someone Every Day
    Small acts—listening, encouraging, volunteering—remind you that your struggles are not the whole world.

  2. Ask Questions, Then Listen
    Ask someone else’s story, their fears, their joys. Let their story expand your soul.

  3. Join a Cause or Community
    Be part of something bigger than yourself. Let your life connect with people, not isolate.

  4. Practice Gratitude Scans
    Each day, list 3 things you see outside of you that bring joy—sunlight, a smile, a bird’s song.

  5. Pause the Mirror Time
    When your thoughts spiral inward, pause and redirect—with kindness—to what’s outside: a walk, a view, a voice, a touch.

What Happens When You Look Out

When you step out of the spiral of navel gazing, something beautiful begins:

  • Problems shrink. They don’t disappear, but they feel less overwhelming.

  • You find solutions in unexpected places—through others, through service, through connection.

  • You reclaim your place in life’s big story. You aren’t just a spectator—you’re a participant.

  • You step into joy less burdened by the weight of your internal drama.

You begin to see that your life isn’t about solving every internal fault—it’s about living, with heart, with impact, with connection.

SLAY Reflection

  1. How often do you find yourself trapped in your own thoughts or problems?

  2. What costs you when you stay inward too long—peace? energy? relationships?

  3. What is one small act you can do today to shift your gaze outward?

  4. Who in your circle might need your presence, support, or listening?

  5. How might your life change when you stop magnifying your worries and start magnifying your service?

S – Stop spiraling inward without purpose
L – Look outward and engage with the world around you
A – Act small, act kind, act beyond yourself
Y – Yield your focus to meaning beyond your mind

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever caught yourself overthinking or turning inward too much—and what helped you shift your focus outward again?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s feeling stuck in their own head, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a reminder to lift our gaze and reconnect with the world around us.