recovery mindset

Be A Light, Not A Fixer

It’s in our nature to want to help—especially when someone we care about is struggling. We offer advice. We brainstorm solutions. We try to fix what’s broken. But more often than not, people don’t want to be fixed. They want to be seen. Heard. Accepted. And the greatest gift we can offer them isn’t a fix—it’s our light.

When Advice Isn’t What’s Needed

Before walking this path, I never wanted advice.

When someone tried to tell me how to live or what to do, I’d shut down. My ears would ring with resistance. I wasn’t ready to hear it—even when it came from love.

What did make a difference? Watching someone who had been where I was… live differently. Heal differently. Shine differently. Their life, not their advice, became the spark that lit something in me. It was their example—not their instruction—that showed me another way was possible.

We’re Not Here to Fix

Seeing someone in pain can awaken our need to act. We want to step in. To fix. To redirect. But when that urge becomes overwhelming or obsessive, it’s worth asking: What’s really going on inside me?

Being a fixer can sometimes be about control—about our discomfort with someone else’s struggle. But healing doesn’t work that way. It can’t be forced. It can only be chosen.

We’re most powerful when we walk the walk. When we focus on our own healing, our own growth, our own joy—and let that speak for itself.

Let Your Light Speak

Years ago, someone from my past reached out unexpectedly. We hadn’t always gotten along, and they’d never asked me for advice before. But something had shifted. They saw how I’d changed. How I was living. And they wanted to know how.

That conversation never would’ve happened if I’d tried to force a message down their throat. But because I simply lived my truth—and shared my light—they were able to find their own courage to ask for more.

Being a light isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being real. Radiating kindness. Living with integrity. And creating space where others can feel safe enough to begin their own healing.

So the next time you feel the pull to fix someone, pause. Instead, ask yourself how you can shine a little brighter today—and trust that your light is doing more than you think.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection: Are You a Fixer or a Light?

  • Do you often feel the urge to fix others? Where does that come from?
  • What usually happens when you try to solve someone else’s problems?
  • Have you been inspired by someone simply by the way they live? What stood out?
  • Are you open to letting others find their path in their own time?
  • How can you focus more on being an example rather than a solution?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
How have you learned to shine instead of fix?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s feeling the weight of wanting to fix it all, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a shift—from fixing to shining.

When You Judge Someone By Their Past It Can Make That Past Impossible To Escape

I’ve been thinking about this one for a while.

When someone works to change their life—truly change it—few things are more disheartening than being treated like they’re still the person they used to be. I’ve witnessed this over the years, most recently with someone I love. It’s a painful thing to watch: someone trying to climb out of the hole they once lived in, only to be reminded—through judgment, dismissal, or condescension—that some people refuse to see the progress they’ve made.

The truth is, when we judge someone by their past, we make it that much harder for them to escape it.

The Weight of Someone Else’s Words

I’ve written before about how some people in our lives might not want us to change. Not because they don’t love us—but because our growth disrupts the status quo they’ve grown comfortable with. Sometimes people don’t want us to get better because they liked the version of us who needed them. Or maybe they’re not ready to face their own discomfort, so they keep us boxed into the role they’re used to playing.

I’ve seen this happen recently to someone close to me. They’ve done the hard work to better themselves—mentally, spiritually, emotionally—but a family member still treats them like they’re stuck at their lowest point. The conversations aren’t supportive. They’re diminishing. And I’ve seen the toll it takes. That judgment acts like a chain, pulling them backward into a version of themselves they’ve outgrown.

Words matter. How people speak to us—and about us—can either reinforce our progress or unravel it.

Breaking the Cycle

When I committed to getting better, I was fortunate to have strong support. I leaned on my people hard in the beginning. And as I grew stronger, I leaned less—but that circle still stood beside me. Eventually, I began to notice who was genuinely happy for me and who wasn’t. And let me tell you: not everyone will cheer for your growth.

Some people liked me better when I was lost, because it made them feel more in control. Others preferred the version of me who didn’t challenge the status quo. But I had to remind myself that my healing wasn’t up for debate. I wasn’t going to stay stuck to keep someone else comfortable. And neither should you.

We are allowed to outgrow roles, relationships, and narratives that no longer serve us. We are allowed to heal—and to demand that the people in our lives meet us where we are now, not where we used to be.

Let Yourself Grow

You are not your past. You are not your mistakes. You are not the version of yourself that someone else insists on remembering.

You are your growth. You are your progress. You are your present—and your future.

Surround yourself with people who celebrate that. People who speak life into your healing, not those who try to hold you hostage to your history. Anyone who truly loves you will root for the best version of you. And that’s the kind of energy you deserve to have around you.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflect & Rise

  • Do the people in your life support your growth?
  • Are there voices in your circle that try to tie you to your past?
  • How do those interactions make you feel?
  • What can you do to distance yourself from that energy?
  • Who are the people that celebrate your healing? How can you keep them close?

You’re not defined by where you’ve been. You’re defined by who you choose to become.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ve broken free from someone else’s perception of your past?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s ready to grow but feels weighed down by old narratives, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is to be seen for who we are becoming.