invisible

Fear Of Success

I’ve talked a lot about fear, and how fear ruled my life before stepping on this path. Fear can take many forms, and it can be quite cunning in disguising itself as others things, it can also pop up and get in the way of our success. Fear of success as another type of fear I also experienced.

I always had dreams, hopes, and goals I worked toward, and, even in my disease I accomplished a lot, but I did suffer from fear in regards to those successes. That fear came up for a number of reasons. I feared and believed I didn’t really deserve success, that I wasn’t good enough and that if I succeeded it would be short-lived because I would be found out as a fraud. I feared that if I found success that others would not like me and I would lose friends or feel ostracized. I feared that if I found success that others might feel that I was showing off, and if I celebrated that success, bragging about what I had accomplished. And I feared that if I found success that I still wouldn’t be happy. That’s a lot of fear trying to derail the things I wanted and worked for in my life. Looking at that all in print, it’s amazing I found any success at all, and when I did I would mostly downplay it as a fluke, or luck, which, of course wasn’t the case, I was working hard for those successes, but because of all the fear I was carrying around I was also afraid to give myself credit.

Fear of success can form from many sources. Some of us may have been told we can’t accomplish those things we want, we may have failed and were embarrassed by not accomplishing our goal, or we may not want to be more successful than those around us. We let outside forces rob us of success, and we let our own internal voice rob us of success. We are all meant to succeed. We are here to grow, learn, and find success in whatever given area we excel at, or find interest in. We are all worthy of success, not only for ourselves, but for everyone else we may touch by our success, or what that success may offer us and those around us. In a sense, it is our duty to succeed, because it’s not just about us, it’s about how we contribute to society as a whole, and our success just might inspire someone else to go out and find theirs. And what if we fail? So what if we fail. All of the most successful people, in any given field, have failed, and many, found their greatest success in those failures, so you have to trust the process and not doubt who you and what you have to offer. What you choose to focus on, what you are looking to succeed in is not an accident, you are destined to aspire to it, so to sabotage your own success because of your fear means you’re are not reaching your destiny, or your full potential, you are telling the universe, God, whatever, or whomever, you believe in, that they are wrong by not succeeding and by denying your talents.

Fear of success can be an invisible enemy, because while we are building something with one hand we may also be tearing it down with the other hand and not even realizing we’re doing it. It’s about believing that we can and will succeed, that we need to do our part for humanity, to contribute what we can give back by our success. Our success isn’t just about us, it fits into the bigger picture, and so when you may think that you don’t deserve success, you not only take that away from yourself, but everyone who may have benefited by accomplishment. Get to work SLAYER, you are destined for success. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you feel that you are worthy of success? If not, why not? If you do, why do you feel you are? Write down an example of a time you got in the way of your own success. Write down a time when you did succeed. How did that success make you feel? How, also, did your success affect others? What good came from that success? What good came to others from your success? It’s up to you to believe you deserve to succeed, and to not get in your own way of that success. You are not your past, you are working and moving forward to succeed and to be exactly were you are meant to be, successfully.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

To Be Seen And Heard Is A Wonderful Thing

As I child I always felt invisible. I felt awkward, different, less than, and I always tried to blend in with my surroundings, I didn’t want to stand out. I just wanted to appear as normal, because I didn’t feel normal. I don’t know what I basing that on, what normal was, I just know that I didn’t feel I was. I hoped to just fade into the background when I was at school. I always had friends, but stayed within smaller groups, or one on one friendships over the bigger crowds. I just didn’t want a lot of eyes on me, asking questions.

I traveled through my childhood like that until high school, when I discovered the drama club, a place where I cold go hide, on the stage, and just be someone else. I didn’t mind being seen and heard in that place, because I got to be someone else there, and that seemed safe. I started to take those characters, those people I played out in life, I pretended to be who I thought you wanted to be, again, a way to be invisible in plain sight, because no one ever saw the real me, including myself. It wasn’t until I hit my bottom, until I asked for help, and started the work to make that happen that I was asked to share who I truly was. That terrified me, who the heck was I anyway? I found a group of people who I knew wouldn’t judge me, who, like me, where finding their way out of the dark, and it was in that safe place that I learned who I really was, and I learned, it was OK to share that I didn’t know when I didn’t. But as I started to find out and I started to truly share my authentic self it felt good to be seen and heard.

Many of us walk around feeling invisible, even in a crowded room, I remember what that feels like. In my case it was a choice, because I was afraid you wouldn’t like me, because I didn’t like myself, but for some, you are there, screaming, jumping up and down, trying to get our attention, and for some reason you are not seen. Maybe you’re picking the wrong people to wave your arms at, maybe you’re not speaking as loud as you think, maybe people are just missing you, right in front of them. Really, at the end of the day, we all just want to be seen and heard, for who we are, truly, and have that be acknowledged, and ideally, appreciated, but just the acknowledgment can sometimes be enough. It’s hard to find our voice sometimes, it may have been shamed into silence by someone, or ourselves, and we can’t seem to get it back. Or maybe we never had it, and now struggle to find the words to express who we are and what we need. Well, I am here to say that I see you and I hear you because I was you. And I know that that little voice you may have today can turn into a loud one, just as mine did. It takes you just sharing it. Sharing it as much as you can with those who will listen, appreciate and encourage you to continue to get louder, braver more authentically you.

We all want to feel like we matter, and we all do. But let us know you’re there. Speak up, tell us who you are, live out loud, because you have something special to offer us, you, who you are is special and we should know that. That also goes for you out there who are struggling right now, suffering or grieving, we also want to acknowledge you, we want to hear from you and we want to listen to you. The greatest gift we can give anyone is the acknowledgment of who they are and how they feel. We all deserve to be seen and heard, something to remember when we step out today and walk among each other this busy world, acknowledge those around you, and let yourself be acknowledged as well. It’s a wonderful thing. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you allow people to see you or do you try to stay hidden in the shadows? Why do you do that? What scares you about letting people in? Are these fears based on facts in your current life, or from your past? Are these things you can overcome today? How can you do that? Have you overcome them in the past? How did you do that? How do you feel when someone acknowledges you? Do try to acknowledge others? How does that make you feel when you see how that acknowledgment is appreciated by others? It feels good right? So why not give yourself the same gift, and allow others to see and hear you, just as you are? Do it SLAYER, we want to see and hear just how special you are.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you