At A Rare Loss For Words

It’s very rare that I am at a loss for words. Anyone that knows me well, will tell you that. But I have just been taken aback by the behavior of many lately. For those of you that read my blogs regularly and have followed State Of Slay™ you know that I aim to look for the positive aspects of life, I look for moments of growth and change, and I have been trying to continue to do that as the people and world around me seems to be falling apart. I was so disheartened yesterday and overwhelmed with the negativity, lies, and sense of entitlement around me that I couldn’t get out of my car to run a simple errand, I sat in the parking lot physically unable to get out of my car overwhelmed by the world around me. I often have been on the brink of tears out of fear for loved ones, the stress of working to build something new in the midst of so much loss, the anxiety of living in a city that no longer feels safe, and the exhaustion of trying to support and uplift those around me when, at times, I need the support myself. I had someone say recently that they missed us getting together because they missed my positive energy, and when I said I had been a little down lately they said they had noticed, then didn’t ask why or follow up to see how things were going. I know we all have a lot going on, but if we lose touch with each other, then what do we have? I know that I have gotten to where I have in my life with the strength of those around me, a strength I look to share every day but my light has gone a little dim, but I know I have a lot of fight left in me and I know I need to focus on the light I do see around me to ignite my flame again.

When I was living in the dark I thrived on negative energy. I was drawn to people who would use me, hurt me and speak badly about me because it fueled the narrative I wanted to tell, which was that I was a victim. I was not. I was only a victim of my own actions and choices. And sure there were times that I may have stumbled into a situation I played little part in, but ultimately it was up to me whether or not to engage with those people or situations, or to walk away. I felt little compassion for humanity and hoped those who had crossed me would get theirs, and reveled when they did. It was a horrible way to live, and even remembering it now makes my heart hurt. I lived that way because I was an unhappy person, and I somehow believed it was everyone else’s job to find my happiness, and to do what I wanted to make me happy. The problem with that thinking is that it is no one’s job but our own to make ourselves happy, and to find our own happiness. When we place our happiness in everyone else’s hands we lose our power, we’re giving it away to those who do not deserve it, and to those who may not even know that we’ve given it to them. Our happiness rests in our hands and it starts by living a life of integrity, of being rigorously honest with ourselves about our actions, our intentions and our part in the events of our lives. For many of us that seems to be too tall of an order, but I can assure you, the road to happiness is found on the other side of those things.

Many of us are struggling right now, in many ways, and this is the time to stand together, to support one another, to find compassion and forgiveness and a dose of positivity to these uncertain times. It is a time to love and support those who have done the same for us, to do what’s right and think of others rather than just ourselves. I said this a few months ago and I’ll say it again, when all of this is said and done, are you going to be proud of who you’ve been? If you paused, you have some work to do. SLAY on!

SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you live your life in an honest way? How do you believe you do that? If not, what have you been dishonest about? Why have you been dishonest about it? Why are you not able to be honest? How do you think that hurts you? During the last four months have you been someone you can be proud of? Have you helped? Contributed? Done what you can to make someone’s day brighter? If not, why not? Do you try to give back and be conscious of those around you? How do you do that? If not, why not? We are all in this together, and together we can get through anything. Let’s not forget who we are and those around us who have given their time and energy when maybe they didn’t have a lot to give and show the world out there some love.

S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you

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