recovery tools

Contrary Action

When I first began this path, I had to rewire the way I thought—completely.

My mind defaulted to negativity. It convinced me people were against me. It whispered that I’d never make it, that I didn’t belong, that failure was inevitable. And because I believed it, I acted on it. That belief nearly cost me everything.

So when I committed to healing—to getting better, to learning how to love myself and live differently—I had to learn something new: contrary action.

What Is Contrary Action?

Quite simply, contrary action means doing the opposite of what you would normally do—especially if what you’ve always done hasn’t brought you peace, joy, or healing.

It’s breaking patterns.
It’s pausing before reacting.
It’s asking: What’s the loving, honest response here?

That pause is the magic.

At State of Slay™, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—life is not a game show.
There is no prize for the fastest answer.
And most of the time, our fastest answer is coming from an old wound or old wiring.

A Different Way to Respond

In the beginning, I had to practice contrary action nearly every time I opened my mouth—or even thought about opening my mouth.
It didn’t come naturally. In fact, it felt strange.
Awkward. Uncomfortable. Like backing down.

But here’s what I learned:

  • I wasn’t backing down—I was growing up.

  • I wasn’t avoiding conflict—I was choosing peace.

  • I wasn’t shrinking—I was showing up for myself in a new, more aligned way.

Old me might’ve lied to get what I wanted, manipulated to stay in control, or started a fight just to feel something.
New me? Learned to take a breath. To tell the truth. To walk away if needed.
That shift changed everything.

Building a New Foundation

Practicing contrary action gave me something I hadn’t had in a long time: self-esteem.

Every time I did the right thing—even when it felt weird or hard—it built a new brick in the foundation I now stand on.
And once I started building that self-esteem, I didn’t want to do things that tore it down.

Was it always easy? No.
Did I mess up sometimes? Absolutely.
But the more I practiced contrary action, the more I started to trust myself—and life began to open up in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

10 Ways to Practice Contrary Action

Here are a few simple ways you can try it today:

  1. Give someone a compliment when you’re feeling jealous or insecure.

  2. Own your part instead of seeking revenge.

  3. Take a walk instead of reaching for something to numb the feeling.

  4. Breathe deeply instead of lashing out.

  5. Visualize the life you want instead of reliving your worst decisions.

  6. Remember a win when fear tells you to quit.

  7. Take time for yourself instead of saying there’s never enough time.

  8. Say no with love instead of saying yes out of guilt.

  9. Go to bed instead of scrolling endlessly.

  10. Speak about dreams instead of gossip.

Each time you choose contrary action, you’re choosing yourself.
You’re choosing growth.
You’re choosing a future that looks nothing like your past.

SLAY Reflection: Where Can You Shift?

  1. Do you tend to react quickly without thinking?
    What’s usually the result?

  2. Have old patterns led you into places you didn’t want to go?
    How did it feel?

  3. What could’ve gone differently if you had paused—or chosen contrary action?

  4. Where in your life could you try the opposite of what you’d normally do?
    How might that change things?

  5. Who can you talk to when you’re unsure how to respond?
    Could their insight offer a healthier way forward?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you can practice contrary action this week—especially when your first instinct is to go back to old patterns?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck in the same old loops, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a new way to move forward.

Willingness: The Key To Change

Before there’s change, before there’s healing, before there’s transformation—there’s willingness.

Not certainty. Not a roadmap. Not a plan. Just the smallest shift that says: maybe there’s another way. That shift is the spark that lights the path forward.

The Power of Being Open

Willingness isn’t a commitment—it’s a crack in the door. A whisper of possibility. A softening where there once was resistance.

Change is hard. Growth can be uncomfortable. And yet, when we allow ourselves to be open—to just consider a new perspective—we invite in something powerful. We make space for clarity, connection, healing.

When I first stepped onto the path of recovery, I wasn’t ready to overhaul my life. I didn’t have all the answers. But I was willing. And that willingness brought people into my life I never expected. It helped me find tools I didn’t know I needed. And slowly, my world expanded. It got bigger, brighter, and full of light.

It wasn’t easy. In fact, it almost didn’t happen. I had reached a point so low, I could barely imagine a way forward. But in that moment, the tiniest willingness cracked through the darkness—and everything changed from there.

What Willingness Actually Looks Like

We often think willingness means taking big leaps. But really, it’s more like:

  • Saying, “Maybe I don’t have all the answers.”
  • Being open to new tools, even if they feel unfamiliar.
  • Letting someone help you—really help you.
  • Admitting something isn’t working the way you hoped.

Willingness makes life bigger. It breaks us out of the echo chambers in our heads and says, “What if there’s more?”

The Shift That Changes Everything

Willingness is not about setting an entire plan in motion. It’s about being open to the idea that something might be possible.

That maybe you don’t have to keep living under the weight of what’s not working. That maybe your life could feel lighter. That maybe there’s help—and healing—available to you.

When you’re willing, you become a magnet for the right people, places, and opportunities. You notice support instead of deflecting it. You welcome answers instead of defending limitations. You shift from surviving to slowly, gently, learning to thrive.

I Still Choose Willingness Every Day

Even now, years into this journey, willingness remains one of my most powerful tools. Every time I fall, every time I face something unfamiliar, I remind myself: I just have to be willing. Not perfect. Not fearless. Just willing.

Because willingness invites the Universe to show up. It creates space for grace. And that space? It’s often where the biggest breakthroughs begin.

So wherever you are today, ask yourself: Am I willing?

You don’t have to say yes to everything. You don’t have to commit to a massive shift. But if you can find even a flicker of willingness, that might just be enough to change everything.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What does willingness mean to you?
  2. Are there areas of your life where you’ve been closed off to change?
  3. What’s one thing you might be willing to consider today?
  4. How might your life shift if you simply stayed open?
  5. What scares you about being willing—and what excites you about it?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Start small—openness begins with a thought
  • Let go of the need to have all the answers
  • Allow yourself to explore, not commit
  • You are allowed to grow at your own pace

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one area of your life you’re willing to shift?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to take the first step, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.