Mental Health

You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Happiness

News flash, SLAYER – you’re not responsible for other people’s happiness! I spent so much of my life trying to make or keep everyone else happy. It wasn’t until I started this journey that someone told me my real responsibility was to make sure I was happy. At first, it felt selfish.

It was pointed out that my efforts to make others happy were sometimes rooted in wanting something in return – even just acknowledgment. I wasn’t doing it purely from the goodness of my heart. Instead, I was trying to fill my own void or prove I was a “good” person.

The People-Pleaser Pattern

As a kid, I constantly tried to make my parents happy. I wore that effort like a badge of honor. Even into adulthood, that need to please followed me. I thought if I could make someone happy, that would mean I had worth. But what it really meant was putting others’ feelings ahead of my own, neglecting my needs, and losing my voice.

I’d martyr myself when my efforts weren’t appreciated. I’d lash out or resent the person for not seeing what I was doing for them. But the truth is, I was trying to do someone else’s job—their happiness—and ignoring the work I needed to do for my own.

Happiness Is an Inside Job

Here’s the reality: we’re all responsible for our own happiness. No one else can do it for us. Sure, it’s lovely when someone does something that makes us feel good. But relying on others to provide our happiness is like expecting someone to go to work for you while you still cash the paycheck.

Happiness comes from within. It’s about being authentic, living our truth, and knowing what lights us up. It’s about asking for what we need without fear and showing compassion for others while still prioritizing our own joy.

Shifting the Narrative

Doing nice things for others can bring happiness—it feels good to spread love. But it should nourish, not replace your happiness. Sometimes, seeing what makes others happy can reveal what makes us happy. But one should never replace the other.

Start identifying what makes you happy. Explore, try new things, say yes. Your happiness shouldn’t hinge on someone else’s feelings. When you make yourself a priority, that joy spills over to those around you—authentically and without strings.

Happiness Is Contagious (But Starts With You)

Our path is about finding what makes our hearts shine. It’s okay to do things we don’t want to do sometimes, but not at the expense of our own happiness. When we cheat ourselves, we also cheat others of finding their happiness.

Fill your life with what brings you joy. And by making your happiness a priority, you might just inspire others to do the same. See how that works?

SLAY OF THE DAY: Reflection Questions

  • Do you put others’ happiness before your own?

  • Why do you think you do that?

  • Do you believe you deserve to be happy? (You do!)

  • What truly makes you happy?

  • How can you challenge yourself to prioritize your happiness today?

Happiness is your job, SLAYER. Make it a priority. SLAY on.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one way you’ll prioritize your happiness today?
Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to put themselves first, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

For most of my life, I placed a lot of importance on what others thought of me. I wouldn’t have admitted it at the time, but I did. I navigated through life hiding who I really was. I may have felt like a freak, but I thought that was a bad thing, and I wasn’t going to let you see it.

Many of us present different versions of ourselves to the world. Sometimes, we need to wear different hats, especially in professional settings. For me, there’s a professional hat—the one I wear at work functions, on set, or in meetings. But there’s also the Let Your Freak Flag Fly gal—the woman I now allow myself to be, the true me.

Don’t get me wrong. My “freak flag” self is still there at work, but she’s a little more subdued until I know my audience. In my personal life, though, I am living as my authentic self. I’ve touched on this in earlier blogs, but today I want to dive deeper into what that really means.

Who Am I, Really?

When I started my journey over 11 years ago, I had no idea who my “authentic self” was. Truthfully, she kind of scared me. I had spent years crafting a persona, and I was afraid of what I might discover underneath. I had never asked myself, Who am I? What do I like? What do I want?

I was too afraid to ask. I didn’t think I deserved the answers. I was too busy pretending or numbing myself to even consider them. The more I hid behind a façade, the more lost I became. It felt like I was trapped in a black hole, and I had to fight my way out.

Say YES to New Experiences

I encourage you to ask yourself those same questions:
Who am I? What do I like? What do I want?

Don’t second-guess the answers. There’s an authentic you dying to get out, and it may take time to find that version of you. That’s OK. Life isn’t a game show—there’s no buzzer to tell you time’s up. You’re on your own timeline.

For me, the answers didn’t come right away. I was encouraged to say yes to new things, to explore and discover myself through experience. So I did. If someone invited me to do something I’d never done, I said yes—no matter how scary it seemed. What I discovered was that saying yes, even when it terrified me, became exciting. Each new experience helped me learn more about myself and gave me the courage to keep exploring.

If I hadn’t said yes for all those years, I wouldn’t have started this blog. The thought of opening up my innermost thoughts to all of you was terrifying 12 years ago, but here I am—and I’m better for it.

Celebrate Your Uniqueness

When I teach (another thing I just said yes to!), I always tell my students to “let their freak flags fly.” That’s what makes each of us unique. It’s what sets you apart. And more importantly, it’s what makes you authentically you.

Discovering and celebrating your authentic self is the foundation for honoring, respecting, and loving yourself. It’s worth celebrating. We’re all different—a big YAY to that. How boring would the world be if we were all the same? Celebrate the things that set you apart. Celebrate you.

Trust me—whatever “freaky” thing you think you have or are, there are a whole bunch of people who will love you for it. I already do, you freak! Now, go out there and discover what makes your freak flag fly.

SLAY OF THE DAY:

  • Does the thought of trying new things scare you? Why?

  • What was the last new thing you tried? What did you take away from it?

  • What makes you unique? Do you celebrate those things?

  • Challenge yourself to say yes to new experiences. Discover the magic of your authenticity.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one thing you’re going to say yes to this week to honor your authentic self?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling to embrace their authentic self, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.