Self-Righteous Anger

We’ve all been there.

That moment when you feel completely justified.
You warned them. You told them what would happen. And now—here you are, furious, ready to let loose with every ounce of frustration you’ve stored up.

You’re 100% right…
And still, something feels 100% wrong.

That’s the tricky thing about anger.
It might feel powerful in the moment—but often, it leaves you feeling more hollow than healed.

Our Reactions Are Our Responsibility

If you have a problem with someone, the truth is: that problem is yours to manage.

You decide:

  • Who you engage with

  • How far you let them in

  • What boundaries you set

There will always be people we have to interact with—coworkers, family members, even acquaintances we didn’t choose. But even in those cases, we are still the ones who determine how much access they have to our energy.

This blog connects back to so many past entries:

  • People Picker – choosing aligned connections

  • Ask For What You Want – clearly stating your needs

  • Intentions: The Truthseeker – staying honest about your “why”

  • Finding Grace in the Gray Areas – learning to live in nuance

It all comes back to this: we are in charge of how we engage.

When We Engage to Feel Superior

Sometimes we step into situations knowing they won’t end well.

Why?
Because deep down, we’re looking for a reason to get angry.
To say “I told you so.”
To feel superior, righteous—even if it’s just for a moment.

Anger, in this form, is seductive.
It gives us a temporary hit of control, of power.
But it fades.
And once it does, we’re left with the truth: we used that anger to fill something inside us.
A need. A hurt. A void.

And it didn’t work.

Lashing Out Isn’t Leadership

When you feel like lashing out, when you feel morally superior, when you want to “teach someone a lesson”—pause.

Ask yourself:

  • Could I have avoided this situation?

  • Did I knowingly enter this dynamic?

  • Am I trying to justify my anger by proving someone wrong?

A lot of self-righteous anger comes from the need to control.
But here’s the hard truth: we can’t control anyone else.
We only control ourselves.

Trying to control others will always lead to the same outcome:

  • Disappointment

  • Resentment

  • Frustration

  • Anger

That’s not power.
That’s a cycle.

Break the Cycle with Compassion

The way out is through awareness, compassion, and boundaries.

We avoid self-righteous anger by:

  • Engaging with people who align with us

  • Setting boundaries with those who don’t

  • Letting go of the illusion that anger makes us strong

  • Staying open, flexible, and willing to grow

  • Being clear with others—and honest with ourselves

And most importantly: not exploding when someone behaves exactly as they always have.

Wishful thinking won’t change a pattern.
Anger won’t either.
But self-awareness will.

Anger Is a Signal, Not a Strategy

Righteous anger might feel satisfying in the moment.
But if the goal is to belittle someone, to control them, or to make yourself feel bigger—it’s not righteous. It’s a reaction.

And reactions are usually about us, not them.

As SLAYERS, we take responsibility for that.
We engage with kindness.
We communicate with clarity.
We protect our energy by refusing to get pulled into battles we don’t need to fight.

So if you’re angry—own it.
Sit with it.
Figure out where it’s coming from.

Then SLAY that dragon—and walk forward in peace.

SLAY Reflection: Are You Fueling the Fire?

  1. Do you knowingly get involved with people or situations that you expect will upset you?
    Why do you think you do that?

  2. Does your anger give you a sense of control or superiority?
    What do you think it’s really covering up?

  3. How does this behavior affect your relationships and your self-esteem?
    What’s the cost?

  4. What would change if you chose not to engage the next time anger arises?
    How could you protect your peace instead?

  5. What would your life look like if you honored your boundaries instead of your ego?
    Can you write down the benefits of releasing the need to be right?

 

 

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
When was a time you caught yourself reacting from anger instead of truth—and what did you learn from it?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s working on letting go of the need to be right, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

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9 thoughts on “Self-Righteous Anger”

  1. Amazing peice! Lovely put…So helpful in learning to live right sized as anger is unmanageable when unleashed and keeping score of the ways I sometimes chose to act out by trying to control others is a full time job. Leaning To take care of hurtful wounds that may remain open, even after an experience has long past is the beginning of building a resentment brick by heavy brick.I find when the bricks get to heavy to carry I start hurling them at people to lighten my overwhelming load, all the while forgetting why I was stock piling them. Acceptance to the ways I cover up my own pain is key for me to living a life of light with ease bearing less weight.

    I am always trying to teach Someone a lesson when I remember the lesson is my own.

    keeping my side of the street is fairly simple when I carry a broom, but remembering to carry the dustpan for the removal of anger directed outward, is equally important.

    Thank you for this reminder to Check in with all of this!

    In Gratitude on this day!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Wonderfully put M!

      We do like to “teach” people lessons, and as you said, the lessons are our own. WE are in charge of how we engage with others. WE are in charge of how we react. WE are in charge of us, and only us, that is our only job, not what others’ are doing.

      We do need to carry the broom and the dustpan on our journey, and look at our anger as a way to learn, to do things differently, to do thing better, and, to do things with people who don’t trigger us, but if they do, know that is with us where the problem lies.

      Keep walkin’ the walk, and always…SLAY on!

      Thank you for sharing with us today.

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  2. Still, there are those who can stay calm and be at peace in the midst of the most infuriating people. How do they do it, and can anyone gain that ability? I’ve been doing a bit of research on this topic and have concluded it is entirely possible, even doable for anyone (even those most prone to anger) who is able to see things from a new perspective. Generally this ability comes from truly empathizing, not just understanding, and not just sympathizing, but to truly give yourself another’s perspective, no matter how deranged we might think that perspective might be. But that isn’t even the first step … that’s the bridge to empathy … the first step is to see them as a brother or sister whose value as a person is as great as your own, who is hurting, has challenges, and if you can muster nothing more for them than pity, well that’s a start. If you can move that pity to some level of compassion then you can move it to love, then you can muster up the will to try to understand why they perceive as they do, then you can empathize. Only then are you in the position to be at peace despite their caustic personality, and though this may not be your goal to help them, you will at that point start feeling the selfless desire to do so in a way that will actually work.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. You seem like you’re on the right track. And, I have found that the best way to help others is to lead by example, if someone is interested in finding a better way of life, your way may be attractive to them, causing them to ask questions, which may cause them to find a better solution for themselves.

      You seem to be right on with your thinking.

      Keep on SLAYING on!

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  3. I feel like having empathy for the people who wrong you merely offers additional reasons why they shouldn’t be liable for their actions, even though what they did was wrong. I’m in a situation right now where two coworkers are talking shit about me behind my back, belittling me and basically making snide comments about my job performance that I’m not sure are valid. They also actively pretend like I’m not part of their department even though I am, and don’t even recognize my presence.

    I feel like having empathy for them makes an excuse for them. An excuse that won’t always be there when it’s me causing a problem, even under similar circumstances. Worst case scenario, self-reflection may make it seem like you deserved the actions, whether it was warranted or not.

    Can you have empathy for a colleague causing you grief/resentment in a way that doesn’t mitigate their actions or cause you to resent yourself, and if so, how?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Hi James,

      Thank you for your comment.

      For me, until I was able to find empathy for those who wronged me I continued to let them hurt me by carrying it around. Even after their actions may have stopped, my resentments for them kept damaging me even after the incidents themselves.

      To find empathy isn’t to excuse their behavior, but to look at their behavior from a different perspective. Most times, those who bully or talk badly about us behind our backs have low-self esteem and feel badly about themselves, so they attempt to feel better by passing that on to someone else.

      I have also found that those who speak badly about others only make themselves look bad, and when we don’t fall into the trap of lowering ourselves to their level, we show, by our actions, who we really are.

      In most circumstances we do play a part, in a case where there is unwarrented negative comments or behavior towards us we have to ask ourselves if we have allowed this to go on, have engaged with those who are doing so, or, if not, what we can do to not let these things, or people, get to us. We always have a choice in how we react to any situation, that is within our power, and where we can take our power back if we have been feeling powerless.

      It is not our job to fix people, it is our job to be our best selves, those who are not able to do that for themselves are not our problem unless we let it become our problem.

      I’m sorry you’re experiencing this at work, perhaps let it strengthen who you are and how you feel about yourself, you know the truth and when you don’t give something energy many times it goes away because what the other person or people are looking for is negative energy to fuel theirs.

      This has just been my experience and what I practice today, it has helped me a lot to let go and not get invovled in situations that really are not my problem, but someone else trying to uload theirs onto me.

      SLAY on!

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    I’ve a project that I am just now operating on,
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