We often hear that love is meant to be unconditional—yet many of us struggle to live that truth. Giving love can feel risky. What if it’s not returned? What if it’s overlooked? But here’s the hard truth: when we give love with the expectation of getting it back, we cancel out the purity of the love we are offering.
Love that comes with strings attached isn’t love at all—it’s manipulation in disguise.
The Motives Behind Our Love
If you’ve ever caught yourself giving love to gain approval, recognition, or affection, you’re not alone. Many of us fall into people-pleasing or approval-seeking patterns without realizing it. But true love is not a transaction.
When you give love only to get it back, you’re no longer operating from the heart. You’re playing a game of give-and-take that diminishes both your sense of worth and the authenticity of the connection. Love is love, period. Anything else is a tactic—not truth.
Learning to Check Your Heart
I’ve been there. I’ve given love with the secret hope of getting something in return: validation, security, even power. It took honesty and accountability for me to see that this wasn’t really love—it was ego.
Early in my recovery, I was told something that stopped me in my tracks: “Don’t give love if you expect anything in return.” At first, that sounded impossible. How could I give without hoping for even a little acknowledgment? But the more I practiced it, the more I understood: love without expectation is the only love that strengthens both the giver and the receiver.
And here’s the surprising part—when love did come back to me, it felt even more powerful. Because I knew it wasn’t coerced or earned—it was freely given, just as mine was.
The Freedom of Pure Love
We all have motives. That doesn’t automatically make our love wrong. But when love becomes a tool for control—when it’s about getting rather than giving—it loses its meaning. It won’t fill the void we’re trying to fix.
The truth is, love doesn’t need to be returned to be valuable. Every time you give love without expectation, you affirm your own worth. You remind yourself that your heart is strong enough to love without conditions. And when love does return, it’s not a reward—it’s a gift.
SLAY Reflection
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Do you give love without expecting it in return—or do you secretly hope for something back?
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When you’ve given love with motives, how did it feel different from giving freely?
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What happens to your sense of self when you love without conditions?
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Can you recall a time you received love that was given without expectation? How did it impact you?
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How can you begin practicing unconditional love today, even in small ways?
S – Stop and check your intentions before giving love.
L – Let go of the scorecard. Love isn’t a tally sheet.
A – Accept that love is enough on its own.
Y – Yield to the freedom that comes from giving without strings.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever caught yourself giving love to get something back? What shifted when you began to love without expectation?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
