There’s a kind of love that doesn’t feel like love at all. It looks the part—smiles, sweet words, even grand gestures—but underneath, it’s tethered to expectations, rules, and unspoken conditions. It’s love, but only if. That’s love on a leash.
Love on a leash says: “I’ll love you if you behave a certain way.” Or worse, “I’ll love you when you’re less of this and more of that.” Sometimes, the leash comes from others. But just as often? We hold the leash ourselves.
We believe we must be a specific version of ourselves to be lovable. We shrink. We twist. We contort our identities to avoid rejection, or worse—abandonment. We believe we’re only worthy of love if we’re easy to handle, always agreeable, or constantly achieving.
And over time? That leash tightens. We stop reaching. We stop expressing. We stop showing up as who we really are.
I Know That Leash All Too Well
I’ve felt it—the pull of wanting to be loved so badly that I’d trade my truth for someone else’s comfort. The tension of walking on eggshells just to keep the peace. The guilt that rises when I try to set a boundary, even a healthy one, because I fear I’ll lose the connection if I do.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
Any love that demands you abandon yourself isn’t love. It’s control.
Love shouldn’t feel like a leash. It should feel like a safe place to land.
Real Love Doesn’t Require a Performance
Authentic love sees the real you. It invites all your parts—your fire and your softness, your growth and your mess. It doesn’t flinch at your vulnerability. It honors it.
And the same goes for how we love ourselves.
When we hold ourselves to impossible standards, we put our own hearts on a leash. We tell ourselves we’ll be worthy when we’re thinner, calmer, more successful, more perfect.
But we’re worthy now. We’ve always been.
You don’t have to earn love by becoming someone else. You get to be loved for who you are.
Releasing the Leash
Letting go of love with conditions means facing our fears. It means risking disapproval. It means standing in our truth, even if someone walks away.
But it also means freedom.
It means deeper connection, greater peace, and the kind of joy that only comes from being fully known and still fully accepted.
It starts with you. How you love yourself. How you speak to yourself. What you tolerate—from others and from your own inner voice.
And maybe most importantly? It starts with the unlearning of what love was never supposed to be.
You don’t have to stay tethered. The leash can come off.
And when it does?
You’ll remember: real love doesn’t confine—it expands.
SLAY Reflection
Ask yourself:
- Have you ever felt like love came with conditions?
- Who’s holding the leash—someone else, or you?
- What stories about love and worth are you still carrying?
- How can you begin showing yourself more unconditional acceptance?
- What kind of love do you want to give—and receive—from this point forward?
S – L – A – Y
S: Spot the conditions—where do you feel limited in love? L: Let go of outdated beliefs about what makes you lovable.
A: Affirm your worth without needing to prove it.
Y: Yield to relationships that offer real connection—not just compliance.
Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever experienced love on a leash—and what helped you take it off?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s struggling to feel seen for who they truly are, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.
