Our overall happiness and quality life depend on self-honesty, and it’s something that, when I was living in the darkness, was missing in my life. The ability to be honest with ourselves, our actions and intentions are vital to our growth and without honesty, we block ourselves from moving forward and living our best life. We may even convince ourselves we are being honest, but many of us have become so skilled at dodging the truth that we justify our thoughts and actions or have lost sight of what the truth really is. If we’re going to get better, if we’re going to get the life we want, we have to get honest.
Before walking this path I was very rarely ever honest, even with myself. I would have never categorized myself as a dishonest person, because even I wasn’t aware of how deceitful I really was, even with myself. I had an answer or justification for everything I did, even when I knew I was wrong I could spin the facts to work in my favor and not only make my argument sound legit but could get you to feel sorry for me as well. There was a lot of work and energy that went into this way of life. I was always the victim in my view and I was going to use that to my advantage. The trouble with living a life of dishonesty with ourselves is that we fall deeper and deeper into the lies, we get sucked down into a bottomless pit of despair and we continue to tell bigger and more complicated lies to keep everything going until finally, in my case anyway, I couldn’t. My life had gotten so unmanageable that I had to find more ways to numb myself to keep the truth away from me, because even though I could justify my lies and deceptions my conscious knew what was right, and it still spoke to me when it found the chance, and that tiny voice is what I was running from is what ultimately saved my life.
I knew I was better than the way I was living. I knew, deep down, I wasn’t a liar, I knew better, but the guilt, the shame and ego would speak louder to me and keep driving down the dark path I was on until one day I cried out for help. If I didn’t get honest in that moment I was going to die, and that was the truth. There is nothing more honest and raw about finding yourself in that place, that moment when all the lies you’ve told yourself have caught up to you and you realize are trying to kill you, and the truth was, I didn’t want to die, I just wanted to pain and guilt to stop.
To get better I had to get honest and I did. I came clean with everyone in my life. I called each person and told them what I had been doing and explained what I was going to do to get help. Being honest meant I was going to have to be accountable, and that’s what got me moving in the right direction. It wasn’t always easy to look at my part in things, and to realize that in most cases I always had a part, I wasn’t the innocent victim I wanted to think I was, there was a lot of lying, cheating and manipulating that had gone on, and in looking at my behavior I realized that I had harmed myself the most, it wasn’t other people, those I pointed fingers at, it was me who had done the most damage, and as difficult as that bit of honesty was to swallow it also made me feel good because it was something I had the power to change. I didn’t have to rely on someone else doing the work, it was up to me to do it and by doing it I could leave that old me behind, learn from her and use her past mistakes to build a new life, a better life, and honest life, which is exactly what I did.
The key to the life we want for ourselves is self-honesty, no filter, nowhere-to-hide honesty, and as much as that might make you squirm, that uncomfortableness should tell you that you have not been honest with yourself and that it’s time to step up. Get honest with yourself and get moving towards your true-self and a life well-lived. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Have you been honest with yourself about your life and choices? When you take an honest look at yourself how much of what disturbs you was a result of choices you made or people you chose to engage with or invite in your life? What choices have you made that haven’t honored who you are or caused you to be dishonest with yourself or others to justify your actions? What can you do to change or correct those choices? What can you do moving forward to make better choices? What can you change today that will help you live in a place of self-honesty? Make those changes SLAYER! Take this time to get honest with yourself, to forgive yourself and to make a commitment to yourself to move forward.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you