There was a time when I believed strength meant walking away.
Ending things.
Burning it all down before anyone could get too close.

And I had a lot of strength.

But I didn’t always use it for good.

Especially toward the end of certain chapters in my life, I used my strength to destroy:
Relationships. Opportunities. Myself.

Sometimes intentionally.
Other times, impulsively.
But almost always out of fear.

Fear of being exposed.
Fear of being seen as damaged.
Fear of being me.

So I built walls. I pushed people out. I burned bridges and convinced myself I didn’t have the strength to fix any of it.

But that wasn’t true.

What I didn’t have was the humility to try.

I had the strength all along. I just didn’t yet understand what real strength looked like.

Because real strength doesn’t lie in the destruction.
It lives in the repair.

It’s easy to tear something down.
It’s much harder to own your part and build something better in its place.

But that’s where we grow.
That’s where healing happens.

When I began to get better, I slowly learned how to channel that strength in a new direction.
One that looked more like forgiveness.
Like compassion.
Like showing up for myself and the people I loved.

I stopped using my strength to protect the wound and started using it to heal.

Here’s what else I learned:

That voice in your head—the one that says you’re “stronger alone” or that you’re “cutting off what doesn’t serve you”—sometimes it’s not wisdom.

Sometimes it’s fear talking.
Sometimes it’s pain pretending to be power.

There’s a difference between walking away to honor yourself and walking away to avoid yourself.

I’ve done both.

I’ve ended relationships and convinced myself I was doing the strong thing… when really, I was just afraid to look at the part I played in their breakdown.

It’s easier to point the finger.
It’s harder to say, “I chose this dynamic.”
“I allowed this behavior.”
“I contributed to the pain.”

But that’s the work.

That’s the kind of strength that transforms everything.

And here’s the beautiful part:

The more we practice using our strength to build, the more of it we gain.
Just like self-esteem comes from estimable acts, our inner strength multiplies when we use it for repair, growth, and truth.

We become stronger when we’re brave enough to face ourselves.

To say the hard thing.
To make the amends.
To walk toward the mess instead of away from it.

Because if you’re strong enough to destroy something…

You’re strong enough to repair it.

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SLAY Reflection

S – SHOW UP: Are you using your strength to avoid, escape, or destroy? Or to face, heal, and rebuild?

L – LEARN: What’s one moment where your strength showed up in a way that surprised you?

A – ACCEPT: Can you accept that real strength might look like softness, honesty, or vulnerability?

Y – YOU MATTER: What’s something broken that you still have the power to repair?

BONUS: What could change if you used your strength for good—starting today?

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Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever used your strength to heal something you once damaged?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s struggling with what it means to be strong, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.