LifeLessons

You Can’t Open A Flower With A Sledgehammer

I mean, technically you can—but it won’t be pretty.

That’s true for life too. We can force things, try to speed them up, or push them into place. But more often than not, we end up destroying what could have been something beautiful by trying to control everything.

I spent so much of my life doing just that. Forcing. Pushing. Demanding. Always expecting a different result. That’s the very definition of insanity, right? It wasn’t until I learned to let go, to stop trying to force life to move on my schedule, that I started to see things bloom naturally.

Letting Go of Control

Learning to let things unfold in their own time was not easy. Just thinking about letting go of control used to make my anxiety spike. But here’s the truth: I was never really in control. I only thought I was. And realizing that—finally—was liberating.

I had always been a bit of a bull in a china shop, diving into situations without a plan and then trying to figure it all out on the fly. If I thought of life as a delicate flower, it reminded me to be gentle, to pause, and to let it open on its own.

It’s not about doing nothing—it’s about doing the footwork and then stepping back. My old fear-based thinking had me believing that I needed to control everything to keep the fear at bay. But in reality, trying to control made the fear grow stronger. Letting go, breathing, and trusting the process helped ease the anxiety and made space for the right things to happen.

The Sledgehammer Mentality

We all have wants, desires, and goals. But coming at them swinging a sledgehammer won’t get us any closer. It usually pushes them further away.

It’s easy to forget that everyone else has their own wants and needs too. And maybe, just maybe, what we think we want isn’t what’s actually best for us. Sometimes, when we loosen our grip a little, life brings us something even better than what we were trying to force into place.

So the next time you feel yourself reaching for the metaphorical sledgehammer, take a breath. Step back. Let life unfold. You might just be surprised at what blossoms.

SLAY on.

SLAY OF THE DAY

Do you tend to force things to happen or do you let things unfold as they will?
Do you come at life like a bull or do you take the time to investigate and thoughtfully move through life?
If not, what can you do to slow down and look at things instead of just charging for the finish line?
Give an example when you used a sledgehammer in a situation and it backfired.
Give an example when you backed off a little and things went smoothly.
What was different about the time you backed off over the time you used a sledgehammer?
Why do you sometimes take out a sledgehammer instead of letting things unfold in their own time?
Forcing our way usually doesn’t give us the results we want, and even if we do get them, often we stomp on someone else to make it happen.
So why not put the sledgehammer down, do what you can, and stay out of the way of the results? You may be pleasantly surprised at what happens next.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear your thoughts.
When was the last time you tried to force something and it backfired? When did you let go, and it worked out beautifully?
Share your stories in the comments. Let’s support each other in learning to put down the sledgehammer.
And if you know someone who needs this reminder, share it with them.
We grow by learning—and letting go—together.

Selfishness Leads To Suffering

We all want peace, fulfillment, and connection—but we can’t get there by putting ourselves first at the expense of others. I learned this the hard way.

When Selfishness Masquerades as Selflessness

Selfishness, by definition, is lacking consideration for others—being concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. When I was living in my illness, I often operated from a selfish place, though I wouldn’t have admitted it. In fact, I convinced myself I was doing others a favor. But my motives were always self-serving, even if I masked them in acts of kindness. And when we act with impure intentions, even if we get what we wanted, it rarely feels good for long.

The truth? That kind of gratification is short-lived. It may look shiny on the outside, but the emptiness we feel afterward speaks volumes. Selfishness, no matter how cleverly disguised, leads to suffering. For me, it did—over and over again.

Getting Honest with Myself

The moment I decided to get help was the moment I was told I had to get honest—with others and with myself. That sent me into a full-blown anxiety spiral. Honesty meant confronting the wreckage I had left behind, facing the truth that much of my pain was self-inflicted.

But as I began doing the work, I realized something: by identifying where I had been selfish, I could finally stop carrying the weight of guilt and shame. I could make amends—sometimes directly, and sometimes through my actions moving forward. The idea of a “living amends” helped me break free from the belief that I was doomed to repeat my mistakes.

We’re only doomed to repeat what we refuse to acknowledge.

The Power of Motivation

One of the most valuable tools I’ve gained over the last 14 years is asking myself, What’s your motivation? Before I act, I pause. If I’m doing something with even a sliver of expectation, I check myself.

Real kindness, real service, comes with no strings attached. When our actions are rooted in the desire to simply do what’s right—or to make someone’s day a little brighter—we find peace. But when we act from a place of ego, validation-seeking, or self-interest, suffering follows.

That doesn’t mean every decision must be self-sacrificing. It means our actions should come from truth. When you’re honest about your intentions, you create room for growth, peace, and real connection.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect—Just Honest

Even now, I sometimes catch myself slipping into old patterns. That’s okay. Awareness is everything. The difference today is that I know how to pause, reassess, and choose a different path. I don’t pretend I have it all figured out. I just stay willing to learn—and that willingness keeps me free.

We all have the capacity to reflect, correct, and grow. The work isn’t about perfection. It’s about integrity. When your heart is in the right place, it shows.

And when we each commit to doing what’s right—not just for ourselves, but for those around us—we rise. Together.

SLAY on.

SLAY Reflection

  1. What typically motivates your actions—selfless intention or personal gain?
  2. Have you ever justified a selfish act as something noble? How did that affect you?
  3. Can you recall a time when you acted with pure intention and it brought unexpected peace?
  4. What steps can you take to check your motives before making a decision?
  5. Are there areas in your life where you can practice more self-awareness and accountability?

S-L-A-Y:

  • Start being honest about your intentions.
  • Let go of manipulative patterns masked as kindness.
  • Act with integrity, even when no one’s watching.
  • You are worthy of peace—and it starts with truth.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation
I’d love to hear from you.
What helps you check your motives before taking action?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s working on self-awareness and growth, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.