breaking unhealthy patterns

Are You Addicted To Excitement?

Does the thought of your life being calm, quiet, and drama-free make your skin crawl? Does it send a chill down your spine? Does a stress-free existence sound like a four-letter word?
You may be addicted to excitement.

For many people, the idea of living a peaceful life is so repelling or frightening they create problems and chaos to feel alive—but at what cost?

It’s common for those who have lived in an unpredictable environment to continue creating unpredictability after they’ve left it. They mimic the feelings of their past and link them to the feeling of being alive because that’s what they’ve known. It can also stem from low self-esteem and ego running wild—that nasty combo I know all too well from my own past.

That feeling of not deserving the good, of the good never being enough. A vicious cycle of damage, adding unnecessary wreckage, and a constant desire to find the next big thing worthy of unrealistic expectations. But here’s the truth: it’s doing ourselves harm, or putting a band-aid over a wound that can’t be healed by outside things. That wound will never heal because we never allow it to—it’s what we’ve chosen to give us purpose. And without it, what would our purpose be?

Redefining Purpose

What if we made our purpose living a life full of love and beautiful, healthy things? And by beautiful, healthy things, I mean those that are right for us—not what our family, friends, or colleagues think they should be. We get to decide.

It took work for me to find a way to be comfortable without drama or a “big” adrenaline rush. I thought I needed it to feel alive—an event, shopping spree, a night out, or just being part of something. But what I didn’t realize was I needed to feel a part of my own life, and I didn’t.

I felt like life was a runaway train, and I didn’t even have a ticket. Even when it slowed enough for me to catch up, I was left standing on the platform, suitcase in hand, watching it leave again. I didn’t know where the train was going—I just wanted to escape myself and the messes I’d created trying to feel purpose or that rush of excitement.

Linking Fear to Excitement

Many of us link fear to excitement. Creating circumstances that trigger fear gives us that same rush, that jolt we associate with being alive.
We procrastinate to feel stress, pick unhealthy relationships, lie, cheat, or steal—not because of poor decisions but because we’re looking for that “hit” of excitement. Some even put themselves in dangerous situations to feed this addiction.

But it doesn’t serve us. It doesn’t help us. Ultimately, it damages our lives.

The first step to finding a healthier way to live is to identify what we’re doing—and why. Often it’s rooted in abandonment issues, growing up in chaotic homes, or our own past struggles. Whatever the source, once you’ve named it, you can start making healthier choices.

Practicing Contrary Action

For me, it took a lot of contrary action. Doing the opposite of what I wanted—or had been doing. Learning to be comfortable in the discomfort of not feeding off drama. Breathing through the moments when I wanted to stir things up, create trouble, or plan an escape. Learning just to be.

And to trust and love myself, accepting that I was enough.

Yes, it’s wonderful to have things to look forward to. But not when they replace living your life or fill a void that’s really an inside job. Only you can fill that void—and it won’t come from outside things.

SLAY OF THE DAY:

  • Do you feel like your life has no meaning without drama or excitement?

  • If you removed those things, what would you be left with?

  • How could you fill your life up without using those distractions?

  • What are more loving ways you could nourish yourself?

  • What can you work on within yourself to feel less alone, abandoned, or left out?

  • Really look at your life—what do you have, and who are you?

  • What do you know to be true?

Start building from there. If there are things you don’t like, change them—but change them for you. Make changes that honor and show yourself that you love yourself. That you will never abandon you.

SLAY on.

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
Have you ever caught yourself creating drama or chasing excitement just to feel alive?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.
And if you know someone who’s ready to embrace calm and break free from chaos, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.

Don’t Co- Sign Someone Else’s Bullsh*t

We’ve all done it.
Gone along with something we didn’t believe in.
Put our needs aside to fix someone else’s mess.
Jumped into a problem that wasn’t ours to solve.

And let’s be honest—sometimes, we did it because it made us feel needed.
Valued.
Important.

But here’s the truth: you are not responsible for cleaning up someone else’s willful choices.

When someone makes a bad decision—especially if it’s part of a pattern—and ends up in crisis, it is not your job to bail them out.
And rushing to do so over and over?
That’s not kindness.
That’s co-signing their bullsh*t.

The Emotional Vampire Tactic

I’ve written before about Emotional Vampires—those who feed off our time, energy, and attention.
And one of the tactics they use is convincing you to validate their chaos.

They want you to:

  • Validate their story

  • Co-sign their drama

  • Confirm their narrative that they’re always the victim

You are not required to be a supporting character in someone else’s self-destructive script.

Yes, we all need help sometimes.
And yes, it’s okay to ask for it.
But there’s a massive difference between someone reaching out for support and someone handing you a flaming mess they created—and expecting you to carry it while they sit back and light another match.

Been There, Done That

Before I walked this path, I was very familiar with this dynamic—because I was the one doing it.

I would avoid reality, avoid responsibility, and let things spiral until they became unmanageable. Then I’d panic, cry, and call for help.
And when someone came running? I felt a high.
A quick, fleeting sense of love and validation.

But it never lasted.
Because deep down, I knew I had created the crisis.
And I wasn’t learning anything from it—except how to get better at playing the victim.

That cycle drained me. And it wore out the people around me.
I’m grateful I don’t live that way anymore.
And when I see it in others now, I recognize it for what it is:
a trap.
For them—and for me.

Help Should Be a Two-Way Street

Being supportive doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself.

You can help someone—as long as they’re helping themselves.
If they’re taking action, being honest, and working toward change, that’s one thing.

But if they keep coming back with the same drama, expecting you to fix it while they do nothing?
That’s not support.
That’s codependency.

And here’s the hard truth:
Helping someone who isn’t helping themselves doesn’t help anyone.

If they’re repeating the same mistakes…
If they’re ignoring their own well-being…
If they’re draining your energy without ever filling their own cup…
You don’t have to step in.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is step back.

Stand Tall, Not in the Mess

Next time someone comes calling, ask yourself:

  • Are they asking for help—or a savior?

  • Is this a one-time situation—or a repeated pattern?

  • Are you working with them—or doing all the heavy lifting yourself?

If the facts don’t add up…
If your energy is being drained…
If your needs are constantly pushed aside for theirs…

That’s your answer.

You were not put on this earth to fix people who have no intention of changing.
You’re here to build and protect a life that’s worth living—and that includes knowing when to say no.

So the next time someone tries to pull you into their storm, remember:
You can love someone and still choose yourself.
You can care deeply and still walk away from the chaos.

SLAY Reflection: Are You Co-Signing the Chaos?

  1. Do you have people in your life who always seem to be in crisis?
    How often do they turn to you to fix it?

  2. Are you helping—or doing all the work for them?
    What toll does that take on you?

  3. Have you been in this dynamic more than once with the same person?
    Why do you think it keeps happening?

  4. What would it look like to support someone without sacrificing yourself?
    Can you draw that boundary?

  5. What’s one step you can take today to protect your energy and stop co-signing someone else’s drama?
    What would choosing yourself look like in this situation?

Call to Action: Join the Conversation

I’d love to hear from you.
What’s one situation where you realized helping someone was actually hurting you—and how did you take your power back?
Share your story in the comments. Let’s cheer each other on.

And if you know someone who’s stuck playing the fixer, send this to them.
Sometimes, all we need is a nudge.