When we’ve come from a situation, whether from our childhood or as we’ve moved through life, where we felt, or where, in danger, we move forward from that place always looking for danger. We are in a constant state of alert, always looking for what is coming next to hurt us, or knock us down. It’s a horrible place to live, and steals our peace of mind, never allowing us to fully relax and enjoy where we are if we’ve finally found good and love in our life. And even when we do, there is still an underlying concern that something is about to happen, so we always have a suspicious eye, or are constantly scanning for any signs of danger.
Living in that place is exhausting, and causes us to miss genuine moments with those we love because we’re so busy looking for, and waiting for, the next bomb to go off. I know for myself that there have been many moments from my past that have caused me to always be on the lookout of the danger that may be lurking ahead. But there is no danger. There is no danger because I have learned from my past. I’ve chosen to weed out those people in my life who wish to cause me harm, or may be insensitive to my well-being, and for those I can’t remove from my life, I have learned to set boundaries or not engage with them in a way that will allow them back into my life and give them access and have the power to wreak havoc in my life today. And yet, sometimes, I will still look for danger.
For me, it comes down to practicing self-love and contrary action. I need to put my trust in the people I have chosen to be a part of my life and when my mind wants to head into hyper-vigilance I need to focus on the good, focus on the love around me, and focus on staying in the moment and not looking around for things that are not there. It takes time to change this behavior, and for some of us, it may never really be gone, but we can certainly work to lessen it and allow ourselves to enjoy our lives and those we’ve chosen to be in it. This is when honing our people-picker comes in to play. Of really fine-tuning our choices of those we choose to trust and assuring ourselves that we have put ourselves in safer situations, assuming that we have, because there are those of us too who will continue to put ourselves in unsafe places because that is what we know, I have been guilty of this in the past, those choices not only keep us in a place that we know, they also give us the opportunity to tell that negative narrative we also know, so, it’s about being rigorously honest with ourselves about where we find ourselves and with whom,and making sure we are making better choices, healthier choices, for ourselves today.
As SLAYERS we are the guardians of our own well-being, we need to protect our safety and make sure we are living our lives in places that allow us to be our best selves, that allow us to shine, and share our light with those around us, we can’t do that if we’re always on the look-out for danger. Make sure you are giving yourself the opportunity to live without the fear of what may be coming next, find those places in your life that you are safe, loved and encouraged and live in those places, stay in those places, and don’t let yourself believe that you deserve anything less. SLAY on!
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you put yourself in situations that may not be safe for you? If you do, why do you do that? How does constantly being, or feeling, like you’re in danger benefit you? How does it hurt you? Do realize you are doing it to yourself? What can you do to stop it? What signs do you see that you have put yourself in danger in your life? If you are not in danger, do you still look for it? How has this damaged your relationships? What have you thought was there, but really wasn’t? Looking back, why do you think you found danger when there wasn’t any there? What can you do to stop this behavior? SLAYER, you deserve to feel safe and out of harms way, but you have to make sure you are choosing the right people and right environment to find your safety, and, that safety comes from you first by learning to trust yourself and your choices. Only you can decide what is best for you, make sure you choose wisely.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
State Of Slay™ 
Thank you Carrie for bringing the right subjects into light when some of us need it . I didn’t realize how this can continue to happen until recently, to constantly be in a situation that is comfortable but not healthy for me. To be the “savior” for someone else because it’s what I do. At the same time putting myself into the fight or flight mode ready to attack, and it feels right at the time. Thinking about it today it wasn’t even for me I didn’t need to be in that position, I chose it. I am learning, and growing and with that will need to set better boundaries. Thank you again for sharing your world with the rest of us !!
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Lucy I’m glad today’s post resonated for you, I always write from my heart and trust that what comes out may speak to someone else’s as well. Sometimes it’s knowing we’re not alone, and bringing some light to a situation that we are better able to identify it in our own lives, and make some healthy changes.
SLAY on!
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“Living in that place is exhausting, and causes us to miss genuine moments with those we love because we’re so busy looking for, and waiting for, the next bomb to go off.” (C.G.)
You’re reading my mail and I love you for it. I didn’t realize until very recently how mentally I was still waiting for the next fight. I’ve been a fairly reserved person since I was a child. When it came to highly charged confrontations; I apparently get an expression on my face that’s extremely guarded. Some call it a bubble and others call it a wall. I was in a situation a couple of years ago where I my defenses were constantly up. It was like walking on eggshells and appeasement was the name of the game. I was living in in constant pain, agony and shame. Recently I was reminded of that time; the spiral from that explosion if you will wrecked havoc.
“I need to put my trust in the people I have chosen to be a part of my life and when my mind wants to head into hyper-vigilance I need to focus on the good, focus on the love around me, and focus on staying in the moment and not looking around for things that are not there.” (C.G.)
Trust is worth more than love to me. As in, that word is love to me in a deeper way. I mean when I say love; it means I do have a soft affection for the person I’m directing that sentiment into. Trust though – trust means that I have been completely vulnerable with someone despite my anxieties and fears.
“Make sure you are giving yourself the opportunity to live without the fear of what may be coming next, find those places in your life that you are safe, loved and encouraged and live in those places, stay in those places, and don’t let yourself believe that you deserve anything less.” (C.G.)
I’m working on this so hard. I made a promise to myself that so far I’ve been struggling with – that I need to be a safe place for myself. I cannot on principle give safety, love, encouragement or comfort or even trust and respect if I do not feel or believe that way of myself yet. I am aware this is going to take the rest of my life. Guess that’s why we SLAY every day.
Thank you again Carrie for safe places. ❤
– N
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This is a safe place En, and one of love and encouragement. Life is a journey that lasts as long as we’re alive, it changes, it teaches us, it encourages us.
Trust is something that is very important to me as well, and something that is earned with me. So I relate to that with you. Trust is letting go of my fears and of looking for danger, but I know for myself that even in trust, there is always an underlying search for danger, I don’t know that that will ever completely go away, but it certainly has lessened as I learn to trust and focus on love.
Take each day and each relationship as it comes. Focus on letting go of your fears and focusing on love and see if those fears start to fall away as you SLAY each day.
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