We’re all guilty of this, I know I still do this sometimes, but I used to always look at everyone else, their “perfect” lives and then look inward and think that my life was nothing but pain, darkness, and deception. I used to look at all of you and think you had it made, you’re lives were all great, beautiful, and full of love, and mine was lacking all of that. I would sit in the park, or mall, or movie theater, listening and watching everyone around me wondering how I got it so wrong, looking at all of the shiny happy people. I was judging my insides to all of your outsides.
Everyone has struggles, things they work to overcome every day, no one gets a free ride. Now, some of us have bigger obstacles than others, but no one gets off scot-free. We are all here to learn, that’s my belief, we learn from our mistakes, or lessons, and we also get the chance to help others learn. But I used to see life only as a series of punishments, relenting punishments, meant to beat me to the ground. I got up time and time again, but on total stubbornness and willpower, until that ran out. It wasn’t until I was ready to ask for help, to talk about what was going in inside of me, sharing that with others, that I started to realize that a lot of those shiny happy people I used to envy had just as much darkness in them as I did, they, like I, looked good from the outside, but were suffering inside. It’s funny that I didn’t relate that to my own life. I, from the outside, looked great, I knew how to put myself together, pull it together, so no one would ask any questions, but I was dying inside, why didn’t I think that some of those other shiny happy people I looked at with so much envy might be doing the same? I was listening to the negative voices in my head that were telling me I was garbage, and that it was only me that felt like I did, that no one else would understand. Completely untrue.
It’s easy, especially on social media, to scroll through your feed and look at all the pretty pictures of people doing fabulous things while we’re sitting in the darkness of depression or despair. But don’t believe the hype! Most people are only posting the best of the best of their lives, and putting even that through some extensive filters. You can’t believe everything you see. And, even if it were all true, it’s up to you to make the changes to bring some love and light into your life, to make your pictures, your life brighter and shinier.
The more I shared my darkness with others, who like me, were working to find the light in their lives, the more I connected to them, and others, and the light started to come in, I didn’t feel so alone, and I started to see that the people in front of me were also fighting battles I didn’t know about, life wasn’t all rainbows and unicorns for them and darkness and crap for me, we all had things to walk through, and if we did it together it got better. There were even rainbows and unicorns on some days.
Instead of looking around and envying what you’re seeing, take a moment to look inside, to think about the good, or find the good, in you, and your life. Talk to someone you trust about the darkness, share, connect with others who are like you, and you’ll start to see the pictures, those images of others, start to change to more realistic images, images that may even match more of your own. No one gets a free ride. we’re all here on a journey, and that journey always comes with curves, hills and valleys. And, trust that journey, surround yourself with others on the same journey, or one you’d like to be on, and know that no matter what you think of your insides, someone is probably looking at you thinking you’ve got something to envy, that you’ve got it going on, and you know what you do.
Don’t worry about what others are doing or what they’re showing the world, work on yourself, work on who you are, work on not what you show the world but what you can share with the world, when we’re living in our truth as our authentic selves, our insides start to match our outsides, and we begin to shine bright.
SLAY OF THE DAY: Do you judge your insides to other people’s outsides? What do you think they have that you don’t? What can you do to feel better about yourself? What can you do to connect with others? How can you take action on bringing some light inside? SLAYER, it’s been a while, but it’s time for another gratitude list, write down 10 things about yourself, that you cannot buy, that you are grateful for. SLAY on.
S – self L – love A – appreciate Y – you
State Of Slay™ 
I find it remarkable that we are so different and yet so much alike. Love to you and our fellow SLAYers.
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Good morning John!
That’s the point to all of this. We all do look different on the outside, but on the inside we are all very much the same in many ways. When we share with each other we realize we all have commonalities to tie us together, and we realize that we’re not alone, it’s not just us, many of us struggle with the same issues, and together we can work to overcome them and love and support one another, we are stronger as one.
SLAY on John!
Have a blessed day.
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Amazingly true. I too, have realized this. You’re words are inspiring. I will be sharing this with some young people I know that can use these uplifting words. Thanks for sharing, being kind and living towards your fellow human. Slay on Carrie!!
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Thank you Rosa!
When we share our truths we find a common ground, and a connection with each other that truly inspires and gives us strength.
Happy to have you SLAY along with me as we each continue on our journey and destiny.
Have a beautiful day. Much love SLAYER.
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Second attempt to post since I found out first try didn’t work….. I don’t know if my comment on State of Slay posted. I’m on the highest pain cocktail I have. I go knocked for a loop today. Whether it was my emotions or being out and about so much more than normal or both, I don’t know. But what I wrote was a huge admission for me and one I don’t want to lose because I screwed up a log in. You are welcome to post the comment in my name. Admitting envy is one of those faults that hurts me deep enough that I’m afraid to tell any one. Then it leads to anger and hurt that I would have those emotions or hold someone accountable for something that isn’t their fault in the slightest. God what a wicked circle to have woven over the years. I thought I’d worked through it. *deep sigh* it also leads to such a fear of unworthiness that anyone would like/love me and want to be my friend if they found this ugly side of my out.
Carrie, I’m using voice to text for third time ever. Usually I’m able to read your posts and identify with them and see my faults but also see how far I’ve come. I cannot my head in agreement with the Slayer says. It’s been a rough couple of weeks with my own health and it has affected me mentally and emotionally. But I can honestly tell you I was absolutely not expecting the gut punch I got from today’s post.
Because we are supposed to be a family and open and honest and I know some of my sister’s read this I will say that envy/jealosy is something that I have always fought because I grew up in a poor family. Many generations of our families were poor and as the South would say they didn’t have a pot to piss in. We were surrounded by love however, but as a teenager that didn’t help when you saw your friends always getting new clothes and shoes and you were only allowed two pair of shoes for the year and maybe three pairs of jeans for the entire School year. Food was rationed as well, we were never homeless, but only the necessities and nothing extra. Every cent mattered.
I have never been in a home without love and without support. Even when I married there was little money because my husband also is on the autism spectrum, though we did not know it at the time. We just knew that he was unable to get in a position to climb the ladder to make a secure Financial living like most people. Unfortunately for me I still have the dream of wishing, but knowing that it won’t happen. This afternoon I was reminded that I still have a lot to work on in keeping my perspectives in place. I have a home in which I am loved, dressed, surrounded by amazing creative talent and have all of my needs met. Thank you for the reminder to put the green eyed monster back in it’s place. I’ll remember to take one day at a time and live in the moment in my life and not search for greener pastures. Love you very much.
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Success! It worked! Perseverance wins every time!
So proud of you for finding the courage, a few times ; ) to make this admission.
We all have our struggles and demons, it’s easy to forget when ours are at their loudest, but as you said, you have a home where you are loved and supported, and that is everything. Life isn’t about ‘stuff,’ it’s about relationships, and with those, are you one very wealthy woman.
Sending you much love and light, you took one big courageous step, admitting all of this, but I think you’ll find, the more you do it, the less it has power over you, and that, is freedom. We are only as sick as our secrets, those things we are ashamed of and carry around with us weigh us down, cause us to lower our head in shame, but once we admit them, say them out loud, they loose power over us, and they don’t seem so big, they also, typically, connect us to other people who may also share the same thoughts, guilt, or shame, and that’s where the healing begins, and finding strength in things we used to think of as faults.
I hope today is a better day, and thank you for your beautiful words.
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Best of luck with your site, thank you checking out mine. Happy New Year!
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